All alone is all i've ever been
miss when houses felt like a home
now more-so abandoned
as i walk around these ghost, derealization
now im on the west coast
starin at the ocean
reminds me of these flows
Melodies surfin
my skull got deep holes
here but driftin
mold the words no play-doh
in rhymes sinkin
realest never make the studio
like waves they driftin
built it up no lego
then the blocks crashin
catch em then let go
like a fishing passion
anytime i hold em too close
they begin dyin
then the water they stay afloat
and began rottin
or anytime i try to show
they're eaten by a moccasin
so i catch em then let em go
along this beach im walkin
You shut your every door just to peak through your window to watch me try to pry it open,
You stay silent just to make your painful words run through my head,
You give me psychological passive trauma so that you be the first person i'll run to for help,
You buy me posters and tapestries to try to cover the holes in my walls that you've made and still make,
You make me feel like a burden and like i'm doing something wrong because i'm not always your step ladder, there to hold you up for you to be "above" everyone,
You give me mental issues just to invalidate and disregard my feelings and thoughts so no one can dive into all your horrible actions,
you make me suffer everyday with thoughts of s****e because I can't figure out what I did so horribly wrong to you for me to deserve this knot in my stomach I get anyone that I am not in a state of derealization,
You fill my entire being with misery and twist it so it seems like i'm doing something to you so then I won't feel like I should tell anyone because it's all my fault anyways, right?
1. Lasagna Recipe
2. How to replace alternator
3. Bookstores near me
4. Coffee shops near me
5. Breve
6. Breve vs latte
7. How to tell if your house is haunted
8. Derealization
9. Common ghosts
10. How long to boil eggs
11. Chairs stacked in a pyramid
12. Footsteps
13. Hearing footsteps
14. Hearing yelling
15. Yelling just outside my door
16. Bruises
17. Random bruises
18. Angry ghosts
19. Angry ghosts
20. How to get rid of angry ghosts
21. Why is there an angry ghost in my house
22. Exorcist
23. Cheap exorcist
24. Package stores near me
25. How much is too much crying
26. CPTSD
27. Baby names list
28. Indeed
29. How to move on
30. Pilot pens
i stare at my phone as my arms start to stretch,
stretching so long that i cannot catch
my brain, when it starts to pour,
pouring my memories all over the floor.
the floorboards like to creak whenever i’m near,
nearing their senses for the pouring i fear,
i fear i’m lost, and cannot regain
the noodly arms and thing i call a brain.
i stare at my phone as my arms start to stretch,
stretching so long that i cannot catch
my brain, when it starts to pour,
pouring my memories all over the floor.
the floorboards like to creak whenever i’m near,
nearing their senses for the pouring i fear,
i fear i’m lost, and cannot regain
the noodly arms and thing i call a brain.
my eyes see you
…my heart does not
intellect and memory
say you are someone I love
grappling for my feelings
empty hands baldly stare back at me
scraps of myself
scattered to the wind
crows pluck and carry pieces away
disassembling me
depersonalization or derealization
I wander between two deserts
how did I land here
…will someone please tell me
which way to the exit
silence answers with clean white pages
in rising numbness
I am lost
an ocean washes through me
forceful waves steal my essence
leaving only skeletal ribs
where once stood a person
now a vacuous riddle
chillin on da black looking at the earth waiting to be inhaled, just breathe it's me the breath of life, you can't see, you can't do anything without me, I ascend from your lungs to eternity, Iam the essence of your soul, know every lie you ever told, I know how your story unfolds, so many have fought and died, just to keep me inside, taking me for granted you will end up with no life, I was in the lungs of your ancestors those great people you come from, like Malcom X, Harriet Tubman, Markus Garvey and the rest, I held their blood in bodies of strong flesh, they are the real Gods and goddess they had to breathe and inhale like you and me, the breathe of life was created so that all can breathe, just inhale and tell me the reason that you breathe, it should be to have dominion and conquer the land, air and sea, suffering from systematic deprivation causing people to be, in a situation of derealization, where you devalue yourself image not able to have courage to gain liberty so your freedom will diminish
A R let me begin to tell you what I wanted to tell you when it all change,
Seven to three years back I could explain the situations I gain when I was lost within,
People come to tell me about the good old days as if we never change took the chance as change to grow into who we are if never gain.
Within a mental brain a raging pain that grown
Divide his character to become a torn vein,
A broken heart that was lose to the game committed suicide within it's mind,
Watching a world disintegrate derealization it feels so great.
I'm not taking the blame for the results that remain I'm taking action to fix the issue that still remain,
If you ever wanted to know please look at the poems at I have wrote,
A work of art from the sideline of broken heart,
And you would see how i felt when.
9/20/16
Panic
My heart rate is jacked,
My thoughts are racing
And my world seems out of whack.
Derealization, real life like a dream,
Things strange and unfamiliar
I wish I could just beam…
Out of my new body and into that of old
Because this dream world I’m living in
Is just too dark and cold…
Like the opposite of hell but still the same,
I felt like I was dead until my savior came,
With his feet in the starting position like he wanted to race,
Life was finally good again until I punched him in the face.
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