Narcissistic Parent

You shut your every door just to peak through your window to watch me try to pry it open, You stay silent just to make your painful words run through my head, You give me psychological passive trauma so that you be the first person i'll run to for help, You buy me posters and tapestries to try to cover the holes in my walls that you've made and still make, You make me feel like a burden and like i'm doing something wrong because i'm not always your step ladder, there to hold you up for you to be "above" everyone, You give me mental issues just to invalidate and disregard my feelings and thoughts so no one can dive into all your horrible actions, you make me suffer everyday with thoughts of s****e because I can't figure out what I did so horribly wrong to you for me to deserve this knot in my stomach I get anyone that I am not in a state of derealization, You fill my entire being with misery and twist it so it seems like i'm doing something to you so then I won't feel like I should tell anyone because it's all my fault anyways, right?