She keeps a loaded barb
in her pocket book.
She once found an unused finger,
and has been thrusting it
at hapless men ever since.
She loves TMZ and Nancy Grace.
She sells space to celebrities
and their attorneys.
She harangues the cosmetologist
at Macy’s,
probing for facial weaknesses.
She carries a Pekinese with diamonds.
She is a mother of cloud-children.
They live on the outskirts
of her other interests.
She diets on crustaceans and couscous.
Her soft parts are pummeled
into snapping turtles
While I was away,
her hard buttocks came to visit.
It left a blank card
and a small unspoken threat.
The ‘threat’ was on the front step
when I returned home.
it is now under my roof,
organizing my life, remodeling it
into something less comfortable.
more ergonomically efficient.
I have informed the authorities.
Tayler
Different, Brave-ish, Energetic
Wishes to be free to do whatever
Dreams of people that can’t remember their dreams
Wants to become a great cosmetologist
Who wonders about life
Who fears of death at so young
Who is afraid of life
Who believes in God
Who loves life now
Who plans to live
Who feels different every day
Bryant
LOOKING AT MY SPAM
A guy with a busy-life like me has everything he could want, right at fingertips:
I can “stop snoring with a dentist-designed mouthpiece”
And can pay for it, after I “check my credit rating on line”.
Everyone I know should offer me “Congratulations” [ because I ]
“have been chosen to join the National Association of Professional Wrestlers”.
On the other hand my interests may lean towards the aesthetic:
And I could “learn at the University of Phoenix” until they award me
“the Degree on-line of beautician and cosmetologist”.
As consolation, I "can also obtain 70% off all [my] Viagra needs” -
Never knew, but older guys tell me it’s a drug to help ‘their health’.
Finally if the drugs and education can’t help, I can pursue
“Lawsuits for serious injury and compo” with those well-known
Ambulance chasers, Messrs. Ripoff, Fleecem & Grabbit.
Maybe writing a poem about reading spam is itself a symptom
Of my empty life. . . . . . . . . I really gotta get out more.
Curl Up and Dye
By Elton Camp
To craziness in salon names there’s no stop
Nobody likes simple: Meg’s Beauty Shop
Maybe to call the place “The Mane Attraction”
Is a way for a cosmetologist to get some action
Womens’ hearts, the shop fills with gladness
When it has the zany name of “Shear Madness”
In a spot that has been designated as “Hair Lair,”
Customers will understand why the place is there
It surely must have been some marketing whiz
Who picked for a salon this title, “Hair It Is”
I can’t imagine whom the following would love:
A beauty with the strange name, “A Cut Above”
When the potential names begin to become few,
Only then, I sure think, would “Clip Joint” do
“The Cutting Edge” sounds like a computer store
But it has been used to designate a salon before
“Twisted Sisters” sounds much like a kinky place
Some think the name “Hairem” is also a disgrace
But it seems to me there is no good reason why
A salon shouldn’t be called “Curl Up and Dye”
So as not to come under the scrutiny of an oncologist,
Each six months to check my moles I visit my dermatologist!
His exam is as thorough as that of an investigative criminologist.
Sometimes he'll take a biopsy and forward it to a microbiologist!
Many times he's had my moles zapped by his electrologist,
Or provides an RX for medications from the pharmacologist!
If he suspects any cell abnormalities he'll call in his cytopathologist,
Or send me down the hall to consult with his peer, the etiologist!
I don't want to come under the knife of that "cut-up", the pathologist,
Nor do I want to be listed in the obituaries by a passionless necrologist!
To keep this old frame free of moles I have no faith in a cosmetologist,
So, I'll continue to bare my hide for inspection by my dermatologist!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 6 in Nikko Palmario's "Holy MOLE-y!! Contest - August 2010
I hope I get to see my son 5th birthday.
I hope to see him go to high school, and graduate.
I hope I get to see my grandchildren born.
I hope I get to see him grown into a man with a good head on his shoulder.
I hope that my life will be set, because I want to live it right for him.
I hope I achieve everything I want to be in life.
A Massage Therapist, Cosmetologist, and a Business Woman.
I hope I have lots of fun, just being me and doing things my way.
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