Ain't An Ornery Yahoo
Old widow lady of ninety-two
Lives by herself with nothing else to do
Except sit in her chair next to the window
And stare out for hours with dreams of her past woe
I reckon she ain't ornery yahoo
With a few bricks short of a load
Doing nothing but fuss and talk for ever and tells tall tales
Ain't no telling of those tall tales are true
Whaddya think?
She sits in her chair next to the window
And stares out for hours with dreams of her past woe
Seasons have come and gone with the flowers,
Grass and trees changing colors
She's ran off all her children, family, and friends
Doing nothing but fuss and talk for ever and tells tall tales
With a ruckus if you don't agree and resist
She gets riled up lifts up her clenched dukes and
Lands an uppercut to the mug she’s kissed
Whaddya think?
Y’all want to stay out of her crosshairs if ya can’t resist
Cause y’all open a can of worms if you persist
She carries a small pearl handle chrome plated
Stup nose 22 pistol in her purse
© 7/22/2015
Contest Name: Colloquialisms
Sponsor: Laura Leiser
Categories:
colloquialisms, bullying, woman,
Form: Free verse
Poor Humpty Dumpty was a numpty when he fell off the garden wall
His poor old ma went bananas, told me to buzz off when I call
Guess I better sit on the shelf otherwise I’ll go completely nuts
I ain’t gonna take no stick from that mangy old bunch of mutts
I’ll get myself a fix of chocolate cos I could do with a little lift
But I’ll end up with a spare tyre, that blubber I’m gonna have to shift
I’m feeling so blue and sad today the gremlins are in my life
Perhaps I better go for a stroll or I’ll get an ear bashing from the wife
Maybe I’ll see some dickie birds or a cute fluffy little bunny
If I see their lil’ bob tails, oh man they look so darn funny
Next I'll grab the old gal some chox and a nice bunch of flowers
She’ll be putting on her war paint, boy that can take some hours
Now I’m gonna sit on the fence and try and get a little rest
Got my best bib and tucker on - I’m dressed in my Sunday best
Contest- Colloquialisms – Sponsor Laura Leiser
07~19~15
Categories:
colloquialisms, fun, humorous, nonsense, ,
Form: Couplet
Writing for contests, is often a crapshoot!
Some may be teasers, and others no brainers.
Results often open a new can of worms,
though sponsors with backbones, will stick to their guns!
Plagued by the screams of dissatisfied rhymers
whose dreams of a win may have gone up in smoke!
But a poet's class act, is to take it in stride.
Don't be hung up, keep your eye on prize !
Wearing war-paint is a taint on the pride
Don't have a fit, ... be quick to decide
Stoked by the turn-on of writing excitement
We are caught in the cross-hairs of P. S. enchantment !!
Write with a zest that will stick to the ribs
Write for yourself, and find joy in the race
There is no disgrace if you handle with grace
Hold up your head, whether win, lose or place!
____________________________________
7/15/15 For the contest "Colloquialisms" sponsored by Laura Leiser
Categories:
colloquialisms, word play, words, writing,
Form: Free verse
Well shut my mouth you honey bee,
y’all come round for gab an tea
At end of day, when all’s bout done,
lain in the hay we’ll have some fun
Gurt deep we’ll think and spin a pun,
shake a leg, you son of a gun
Well I’ll be damned to hell and back,
now you’ve got me on the rack
Your bright ideas, they come in shoals,
and drag me o’er the cruel hot coals
A slap in the belly with a cold white fish;
cross your fingers make a wish
Now you’ve got the cuffs on me, count
your blessings, one, two, three
Colloquially speaking, life can be cruel;
you won’t catch me, playing the fool.
Written for contest Colloquiallisms, 3/7/15
Categories:
colloquialisms, culture, fun, history,
Form: Verse
my friend really thought
Gandhi's first name was Goosey
thick as two short planks
(For contest 'Colloquialisms', sponsored by Laura Leiser)
July 2nd 2015
Categories:
colloquialisms, humor,
Form: Senryu
Was a cold winter night log fire was lit,
sending pictures around the walls.
They sat together on a fur rug
two happy individuals.
She smiled at him, thinking how romantic,
warmth from the fire making her cheeks glow.
They kissed, loving levels were reaching high.
she opened her eyes, that's when she saw.
Laughter bubbled up exploding
making her eyes water somewhat.
She had espied he was wearing
*Long johns with a flap by his butt
I wear them cos they are warm he explained
Meant to change them when home I got
He started to giggle with her, as he said
The look on your face I will never forget
Funny how quickly the libido drops,
the sight of long johns with a flap by the butt.
*Long johns. - Men's long white underpants to the ankle, some have a flap by
the butt.
penned. July 1st. 2015
Categories:
colloquialisms, fire,
Form: Rhyme