Best Yahoos Poems
I wake up at 5:30 most mornings
Before the sun has a chance to rise
Head for the bathroom as fast as I can
To get rid of yesterday's Mai Tai
I let out a great big sigh of relief
As I wipe the gunk from my peepers
Stand in front of a full length mirror
Like Tarzan, in my trap door sleepers
I sure am ruggedly handsome, methinks
Could even grace the cover of GQ
That's if they publish a special edition
For overweight, balding yahoos
Maybe I'm being too hard on myself
I've still got a surprise up my sleeve
Like running a mile in two hours flat
Quite a feat for old guys to achieve
Now here's a lesson, so listen up good
To this fatherly advice that I share
Take care of yourself or you'll wind up
As a old guy without any hair
©Jack Ellison 2012
Categories:
yahoos, funny, life, old, old,
Form:
Quatrain
I wake up at 5:30 most mornings
Before the sun has a chance to rise
Head for the bathroom as fast as I can
To get rid of yesterday's Mai Tai
I let out a great big sigh of relief
As I wipe the gunk from my peepers
Stand in front of a full length mirror
Like Tarzan, in my trap door sleepers
I sure am ruggedly handsome, methinks
Could even grace the cover of GQ
That's if they publish a special edition
For overweight, balding yahoos
Maybe I'm being too hard on myself
I've still got a surprise up my sleeve
Like running a mile in two hours flat
Great feat for old guys to achieve
Here's the crux of the matter my friends
It's something I sadly must share
Try all your life to take care of yourself
You'll still wind up old with no hair
© Jack Ellison 2012
Categories:
yahoos, life, old, old,
Form:
Quatrain
Limericks crochetés : Once a Bar Student in the fifties
Once a Bar Student in the fifties
Hoped to finish quickly his law studies:
Some students tipped him off
Pass-list clerk Good Enough
Will shift around marks for Five Guineas!
One late Singh Bar-at-Law, Seremban
Took finals with student Wei Ni Shan:
May nineteen-fifty six
Trinity exam fix:
Who was called to the Bar if not Shan?
Said Singh: “Week before results are known
At Council of Legal Sovereign Crown:
In open envelope
Put five guineas like dope:
Clerk will to refectory come down.”
Now Singh had booked his return passage
His fee reached clerk by special message:
“What! Only five guineas?”
Wei Ni Shan made much pleas.
“Once on Pass List give more to assuage!”
For decades choice invitee at bars
Was you know who: O! Do-good-er woes!
Look up or down: East-West
Never at him in jest:
Think: all the good he did to Yahoos!
Wei Ni Shan twice went to refectory
Early one morning at nine-thirty:
Saw West and East Indians
All shot-up onions:
Drop their envelopes in mail-rack tree!
Mister Do-Good-er was good enough
The hundreds of lives not to think of
All over Empire
Famished straits all dire
Waiting for Barrister to lift off !
When empires crumble on last legs
Old Masters then hatch sly loaded eggs
Ensuring level best
Way to scuttle the rest:
Yahoos make enslaved Houyhnhnm dregs !
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2014
Categories:
yahoos, education, england,
Form:
Limerick
May I get serious for a moment
Sorry “serious” is not in my vocabulary
I try, and try but to no avail
Perhaps it's somewhat hereditary
Got it from my cuckoo son Scott
He sure didn't warn me he was contagious
Some of his humour is really far out
Might even call it outrageous
Did he get it from me, did I get it from him
A quandry but it really matters not
The end result is we're a couple of yahoos
All else means diddly squat
Though I have been known to change my hat
On occasion, a few times in the past
Mostly though, when it comes to the crunch
Being a silly old jester is a blast!
© Jack Ellison 2015
Categories:
yahoos, family, tribute,
Form:
Quatrain
ALIEN MIGRATION
Aliens have recently taken over my mind
They're a friendly lot, they are
Obsessed by the pretty women we have
And the love of our fancy cars
They say they're thinking of migrating
Warned them it's not a bed of roses
Got a bunch of yahoos running the show
Amazing the problems it poses
Many of us live in the lap of luxury
Others don't have enough to eat
Power trips are the crux of our problems
We must have servants at our feet
So the choice is yours my alien friends
Don't know what it's like back home
Might think of checking out other planets
This is not the best one known
© Jack Ellison 2013
Categories:
yahoos, earth,
Form:
Quatrain
ARE YE GOING TO MARRY THAT WITCH OF A DAME - Counterfeiting the CANTICLE by T. Wignesan
(With self-lacerating apologies and scathing penance to that great troubador medieval English poet who longed for his lovely lass during expunging pilgrimages to Scarborough Fair. T. Wignesan)
Are ye going to marry that b**ch of a dame
Peanuts quail venison on lime
Remember what she did to make you so lame
For she's bound to ditch ye if you hardly rhyme
Tell her to stop painting her leathery face
Peanuts quail venison on lime
Without no mud nor slime on lewd grimace
She's bound to ditch ye if you're stumped for a rhyme
Have her stripped in yon dark desert lithium mine
Peanuts quail venison on lime
Remember how good she's at the roller-coaster grind
She's bound to ditch ye if you feminine rhyme
Have her read to ye Gulliver's Travels in bed
Peanuts quail venison on lime
And ride all Yahoos till their butt-ends turn red
Then she's bound to stitch vowels in your rhyme
Have her show ye all her unkempt drawers
Peanuts quail venison on lime
In between her sonorous sighs and rough coughs in tatters
Then she'll witch her wiles for the guile of a dime
© T. Wignesan - Paris, May 8, 2019
Categories:
yahoos, betrayal, fantasy, humor, marriage,
Form:
Quatrain
Ocean Falls, B.C. has on average
Over 300 days of rain a year
Surely not somewhere I'd want to live
Many attempt suicide I hear
Canadians have a funny habit of
Ending each sentence with an “eh”
Couldn't be a bank robber in the U.S.A.
The “eh” would be a dead giveaway
Average number of folks in our households
Is roughly 2.6, give or take
Would sure like to meet that .6 person
An interesting image that'd make
Millions attend our Calgary Stampede
But we're really not a bunch of yahoos
We're a very computer literate country
Emails we send quite a slew
A unique Canadian one dollar coin
Was introduced back in 1987
It's affectionally known as a loonie
But it doesn't describe us, thank heaven
Even dog food here is tax-deductible
Expecting big lineups at immigration
Reason to migrate to this wonderful land
We welcome folks from ever nation
© Jack Ellison 2103
Categories:
yahoos, pride,
Form:
Quatrain
Abecedarian poems are also known as alphabetical sequential writings.
Being deviously different and difficult to
Compile, compose and complete. Consequentially combining
Determination and deviant, driven poets devote determined time, and
Exercise extreme etymological enthusiasm
For forging a fitting composition that
Guarantees generous grades, and gracious responses.
Hardly a task for hapless or haphazard hit-and-miss
Inexperienced, indolent authors with illusory intent to
Justify or judge poetry. Justification requires a jury of
Knowledgeable critics, possessed of a knack for keeping
Lyricism and logical, laudable linguistic language in line!
Many Poets, maintain a masterful grasp of their manuscripts.
Narrative is not so noticeable in novices, nondescript, nor
Obscure, opinionated obdurate writers, and
Poor penmanship, periodically proves this point!
Questionable quills quite often quake at
Recording random rational and rhetorical rhymes.
Skill sidesteps them: sends some to settle for success on some other site.
Taking time to tackle and test their knowledge may
Unknowingly, undertake an unrewarding undertaking for
Views vary - very violently and vociferously at times,
When writers, with witticism, warmth and wisdom, waffle to
X rated Xanthippes or
Yield to the yells and yammering of yahoos, yokels and
Zealous zealots! Zesty writing of an alliterative ABeCedarian is zany!
Rhymer. November 16th, 2016.
Categories:
yahoos, fun, words,
Form:
Alliteration
Children laugh four hundred times a day
We adults at the most laugh fifteen
Try to copy these young whipper snappers
But watch you don't rupture your spleen
The biggest predictor of love is proximity
That makes a whole lot of sense
If your lying next to an unclothed woman
Sexually you might feel a bit tense
According to the latest poll about habits
Men shower more often than women
That's a really charming romantic statistic
Who cares if they're stinkier than men
The world's tallest man was eight foot eleven
Passed away at the age of twenty-one
Looked down his nose at almost everything
'Cept giraffes who couldn't be outdone
Women supposedly mature faster than men
But they surely don't have as much fun
We will still be acting like a bunch of yahoos
When they close the lid and we're done
Women really excel at parking a car
But on the freeway it's a whole different matter
While putting on makeup at 80 miles an hour
The main concern is blood splatter
A whole big batch of Valentines are exchanged
You would think I'd get more than one
But imagine if the one card that I did receive
Was from Jennifer Aniston
© Jack Ellison 2012
Categories:
yahoos, funny,
Form:
Quatrain
I’ve been there for you since the first...
With sustenance you offer that quenches my thirst...
Although we are different in so many ways...
I look forward to your visits, on hot or cold days..
I never know when you are coming my dear...
But certainly relish when you are here...
We’ve been doing our thing for a few years now...
There are no suspicions and yet some how...
With all the technology and environmental issues...
It would be our luck that TV reality yahoos...
Would discover our secret of which we share...
Of ridding the world of abuse and despair...
So victims can move forward and not have to fear...
Consequences and options...are made very clear...
So with this in mind, I think we should wait...
On the opening of our "second " store known as " The Gator Bait “
** this is part of the Gator Bait series
Categories:
yahoos, abuse, anger, beautiful, betrayal,
Form:
Prose Poetry
Here's some things that really irk me
They must irk some of you guys too
Loaded baskets in those Express Lanes
My face turns a scarlet hue
Imagine the gall of some irksome drivers
Doing fifty in a fifty mile zone
What is it with these bunch of yahoos?
Probably gabbing on their phones!
When you order a cup of hot java
At your favourite coffee shop
And it turns out to be luke warm at best
You wanna give the server a pop!
Another one of my little pet peeves
Pill bottles that are made seniors proof
You get a hernia trying to open these things
The inventor was on some kind of juice!
Playing along with the clues on Jeopardy
Interrupted by some breaking news
Unless the world is actually coming to an end
It can wait till the end of the clues!
Bugs me when some guy in a big fancy car
Takes up more than one parking space
These a-holes need to be straightened out
Love a word with them face to face!
Ahhh! It sure feel a whole lot better now
Once I got these things off my chest
Life is too short to let these things bug you
They're minor annoyances at best!
© Jack Ellison 2013
Categories:
yahoos, angst, funny,
Form:
Quatrain
The world's made up of mostly good people
Except for the lunatic fringe
Too bad we can't just get rid of these jokers
These yahoos have come unhinged!
Send 'em away to some distance galaxy
Far, far away from us guys
Let 'em infect some other civilization
We've had it right up to our eyes!
It's a dream I know, they'll still be around
When we finally close up shop
But the last to go will be us poets for sure
We'll utter the very last thought!
The world's made up of mostly good people
Except for the lunatic fringe
My question is why the hell must it be this way
Why are these guys so unhinged?
© Jack Ellison 2013
Categories:
yahoos, angst, love, poetry,
Form:
Quatrain
Oh please for the sake (and sock e)
of brethren deemed friendly, i be
see-ch ye with genuine humility
to desist launching nuclear missiles.
This American bloke put his lock,
stock and barrel of gunmetal faith
in mister Dennis Rodman to serve
as a figurative lightning rod against
any aggressive actions that would
set in motion the end of civilization.
Not only would the majority of homo
sapiens (yes, some clusters of earth-
linked yahoos might still remain a
live) suffer a nasty, short and brutish
death, but also other flora and fauna
could be equally annihilated. Under
stand able, those grievances against
sanctions against the populace of north
Koreans (who most likely experience
unfair hardship) fuels resentment against
the hegemony of western powers. Many
of these societies authoritatively bran
dish their devout pledge for concurrence
with democratic principles. Any endemic
protestations declaiming objection to
the American way affect an immediate
alarm. Imposition of so called "puppet"
regimes get forcibly installed those
countries leaders who run counter to
capitalistic productivity. This one anon
a muss citizen of those fifty states also
takes umbrage how might of american
to predominate and demand that other
nations follow suit solely based on what
agrees with those like minded in power
sans the brotherhood/sisterhood of vast
swaths of the global population. No
great expectations (by dickens) to affect
passionate sentiments per those pea
poles somewhat hermetically sealed
off and separated (viz - by the demilitarized
zone) from the billions of other human
beings. Thy sole missive from one older
mwm dreads locked linkedin catastrophic
chain reaction of events once atomic war
fare triggered by the disgruntlement over
some differences in outlook could possibly
resolved via "active listening" and access
to exchange a word of reconciliation. As
one flawed chap prone to his own bouts
of anger, he attests that more positive plea
sing results can prevails with the treat of
world war three diffused in a manner that
plays less havoc once unleashing of weapons
of mass destruction occurs!
Categories:
yahoos, angst, anxiety, crush, death,
Form:
I loosen my belt and remove my shoes
So, dear, what's going on in the news
They blocked the streets; tore down statues
No surprise there; of what were they accused
The protestors, nothing; but the statues held leftist views
What? What are you saying, dear? Now I'm confused
Honey, it seems that a staunch abolitionist was the first one abused
Huh? An abolitionist? For what was his statue so cruelly used
I don't know. He organized a militia to fight slavery; he was super-enthused
-- Oh, yeah. Hans Christian Heg; maybe one of those religious yahoos
Then that explains that!... Darling I'd really like to continue to schmooze --
But I promised the girls I'd help topple Arethusa of Syracuse...
Notes: Hans Christian Heg's statue was, indeed decapitated today in
Madison, Wisconsin. His 'crime:' He was an abolitionist who organized
a group of Wisconsinites into a Union militia in order to fight against
slavery in the Civil War... Go figure!
Arethusa was a naiad nymph of the sacred Greek colony of Syracuse.
Virgil felt that she inspired pastoral poetry. (Like the above... lol).
Categories:
yahoos, america, satire, violence, women,
Form:
Monorhyme
Aliens have recently taken over my mind
They're a friendly lot, they are
Obsessed by the pretty women we have
And the love of our fancy cars
They say they're thinking of migrating
Warned them it's not a bed of roses
Got a bunch of yahoos running the show
Amazing the problems it poses
Many of us live in the lap of luxury
Others don't have enough to eat
Power trips are the crux of our problems
We must have servants at our feet
So the choice is yours my alien friends
Don't know what it's like back home
Might think of checking out other planets
This is not the best one known
Categories:
yahoos, allusion,
Form:
Rhyme