Best Woof Poems

There once was a dog,

who started a blog,

he reported the news,

with barking reviews,

then toasted success with egg nog....

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Woof 
Translated: small package

Four legs, four paws, big jaws, 
fancy ears and a long tail. 
My dog is from the pound. 
What did I expect?

He is six foot at the shoulder, 
Reads books, on Saturday nights. 
But, sadly he won’t eat generic brand fudge cycles.
Only...

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A teapot has a wonderful wingspan of over five centimetres but a button for a shirt has incredible wings measuring sixty eight point nine metres. This was sure to upset teapot who rather fancied itself as being the largest wing in the house. Blatant blaring...

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An erotic lettuce leaf. Strip. Then consume. Consumption of consummation is quite colourful in a layered green hue. But how often barbarians liberate barbeques with a token. How quite unfortunate for a flame to flambé. But nevertheless horseradish soup is extremely lovely at this time...

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Warp and Woof

Daily experience for most
is a delightful fearful mixture..
We are content to allow the mixture
to serve as undoubted real..
Acceptance of the
warp and woof
is the life we know..
Yet pain and distortion
confusion and doubt
lead some to question..
And in questioning to 
discover  Reality anew..
Finding:
warp and woof
are...

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My patient is sure he’s a mutt
I tell him he isn’t a nut
He pants like a dog
And chews on a log
I wish he’d stop sniffing my butt...

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When us dogs lie there and stare up at you
What do you think they're thinking
Are they thinking whatever you say I agree with
Because you feed us every day without fail
We don't have hands, these paws are useless
For opening bags or cans
Tried biting the lid off...

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Bert was in a phone booth
Phoning his girlfriend Ruth
To say their courtship was over
He preferred his dog Rover
For company...struth...

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I
life's tapestry:
neat surface - chaos below -
not Chinese needlepoint

II
in - out; on - off
life, death, light, dark, cycles:
universal tapestry...

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Dear bag of nails
you are driving me crazy
once I thought you sweet
and fruity
now I deplore the way you snore
Love you dearest doggy
but you’re a real eyesore
woof me a kiss
while you piss
on the roses 
your big old mutt head
graining
from the flowerbed....

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It's hard being a doggie that doesn't woof 
Downright difficult and most definitely tough
All the other doggies do it night and day
Why this doggie can't I will try and say 

Grew from a pup and never let out a yelp
His owners didn't bother asking for...

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Darn dogs nexr door
I can't take it anymore

Woof, snarl, panting, bark
Whining, scratching, in the dark

I'm tossin' and turnin'
Ears are burnin'

Someone put a muzzle on those mutts
It's driving me nuts!...

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Woof woof, puppy dog,
Have you any fleas?
Yes sir, yes sir,
As many as you please.

One for the black cat
And one for the white,
And one for the bully dog---
To itch all night!...

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i can smell
your scent
turn your
sign over
from closed
to open
your legs
and let me
come
in your
door...

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i was a
dog with
a cape so i
thought i must
have some sort of
super powers because

why would
i have a cape
placed around my
neck if i were a simple
dog with simple abilities
so it's up to me to figure out

i tried
jumping
as high as
i could but i
wouldn't say i
flew for even...

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