Best Toenails Poems
I used to expose my toes,
went walking without my clothes.
Then, I was bolder;
now, I'm much older,
and my skunky toenail shows.
My toenails are atrocious
Ugly enough to be put into a record book
Even I gag when I look over my stomach
They stick out of my sandals in irregular points
Some are as thick as a door hinge.
They are impossible to cut, of course.
I have to use a drill on them.
I mow down pedestrians all the time with these nails.
Oh, excuse me, sorry, I did not see you.
I apologize with tears in my eyes
So they do not know how hard
I am keeping my laughter inside.
I wish my toenails were graham crackers
They would crumble instead of making holes in my shoes
I could eat the droppings
Or fashion them into a nice pie crust
They would be easier to clip and trim
I would not have to use the lawn clippers
I wish my toenails were graham crackers
My toenails have taken on a life of their own.
Unsightly appendages.
Not unlike an ugly claw foot table.
Two of them have grown sixteen inches.
Curling under my foot, leaving a crisp sharp tail as I walk.
One of them is holding a sign that says “Trim me”.
Another is looking for her birth mother.
Last but not least one is making fun of the other four.
It is difficult to ignore this.
I tried to cut my toenails, but I couldn't bend.
It gets harder and harder the nearer the end.
And there's just no hope for a remedy.
Your body's becomes the enemy ~
and death a yearned for friend.