Best Take A Dump Poems

It is with great pride that I write to you
And say these words so true.
How sad it is, these days it seems
that no one ever says thanks.
My toilet, my friend, my refuge till the end
My lovely bowl that stanks.

the toilet is my friend, 
we see...

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EVERYBODY POOPS!


OH CRAP!!!

I must go see a man about a dog.

Drop a log in he water.

Gotta hurry, its Prairie Doggin’

Cop a squat

Ease the squeeze

Take a crap (or better yet – leave one)

Take a dump

GOTTA POOP!!!


John G. Lawless
6/6/2015...

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 My Bad Day
By Robert Austin Allison 

My Bad Day
by Robert Austin Allison

Why'd you act like a fool - a total disgrace, 
When you joked to me about my wife's face ?
You were laughing like it was funny,
But that's my wife - my honey !
It...

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There are no toilets up in Heaven, so I was told
Righteous are the perfect sheep in God's Holy fold
They no longer have the need to pee or drop a turd.
That's based on the information I recently heard.

But since I've had more time to ponder the...

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HELLO, MY NAME IS FORREST GUMP
PEOPLE CALL ME FORREST GUMP
IN THE FOREST, DO BEARS TAKE A DUMP?
???SMOKEY THE BEAR SAYS   ?
“ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES”
 WHERE’S THE FIRE? RUN FORREST RUN
SO MANY TREES YOU CAN’T SEE THE SUN
WHERE IS FORREST?  IT’S...

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The maze is
Inside.

Navigation here is like trying
To take a dump
After having too much
White rice. 

You get further in
Only to pique 
Frustrated 
In cramps,
Un-amused. 

Perhaps… after the cramps…

You find braces
A gawky smile,

Tightened pants,
A cisgender boy 
Pinning your arms down.

Confusion.
You want it but you don’t.
You don’t want...

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These laxatives don't work that I've been taking.
As I sit on the crapper, the inside of my butt is aching.
I've been eating these laxatives for weeks and I still can't do number two.
I can't take a dump no matter how hard I try and I...

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I say, let’s hit the road,
when it’s nice and cold. 
I’m a single woman,
I scream alone in my room, 
with no cat, no kid, no hubby;
I don’t sweep much with my broom. 

I say let’s hit the road, 
when it’s nice and cold. 
I ain’t...

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I don't want to
Hurt anyone or start any civil wars
I'm abstaining from posting
certain thoughts on Facebook
And do or say anything that will cause alarm...

I just need an outlet
That doesn't drain my brain
I know I have some talent
I can't be that completely deranged

I don't want to
Take...

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more or less to "Ally Oop"


I like to take a dump in my mommy's back yard
(Take a dump. Take a dump.)
Sometimes it's soft, sometimes it's hard
(Take a dump. Take a dump.)
The one thing that's invariably true
(Take a dump. Take a dump.)
The best fertilizer is my...

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Trump the Pump Truck Driver
By Franklin Price
11/09/2019

Trump is who we see he is, doesn't practice to deceive
Won the plumbing job, three years ago, was elected to receive
All the piled up defecation that was spread throughout the land
He has unclogged the toilets and the flushing's not...

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I have a neighbor who is obnoxious and rude.
For the last 10 years, we've been having a feud.
When he blew his leaves in my yard with a leaf blower,
I put third degree burns on his butt with a flamethrower. 

That punk decided to take a...

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Right here and there
I never wanted to be alive
This living thing traps my emotions
Turning them into devotion
I can never tell
If this is really what I planned for
Or something that everyone wants out of me
Expectations hourly for productivity
How the flip am I supposed to do
With all...

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