Best Sourpuss Poems
What's that on the shoreline run, all amok
"Is that a beaver?"Or
incredibly furry duck?"
Ponder they did Koala and Roo
About a stranger, that came into view
We must look closer said the two friends
As they drew near, mud and dead ends
In that very moment, it ate a frog
Then ran back home, to the edge of the bog
As they approached its eyes, sweet and somber
What could its name be, they did ponder
When in that moment, from out of its bill
It said "pleased to meet you both. What a thrill!
I'm not a beaver, duck, or a sourpuss
Names Puddin mates. I'm a platypus!
2-28-2023
I'm so doggone ugly,
I look like a faded roach;
If I were a pile of roadkill,
The buzzards wouldn't approach!
Oh sweet mirror on the wall,
Why stab me in the back?
You tell me that I'm beautiful,
Then fall to the floor and crack!
I went to a local photographer,
Here's something you won't believe,
He took one look at this ugly mug,
And paid me just to leave!
I can't go to the chicken coop,
To gather a single egg;
Those hens won't let me enter,
Unless I grovel and beg!
I never committed a crime,
Though my picture's on the wall;
Ugliness is a criminal act,
It's certainly against the law!
A cop pulled me over,
I asked what I did wrong;
He took one look at this sourpuss,
And said..."Nuthin', please go home!"
When I walk by flower beds,
The petals begin to wilt;
Every time I play pinball,
The game automatically tilts!
I married an ugly woman,
Someone uglier than me;
We bought ourselves an ugly dog,
Now we're as happy as can be!
Life is about having the right attitude.
Don't be known as one with platitude.
Someone who is a habitual whiner,
is not a good companion at a diner.
Life is always a much happier place
if you don't slap anyone in the face,
so you won't be a curmudgeon grouch
why don't you take a nap on your couch.
No one wants to be around a grumbler
especially one who should be humbler.
Wear a smile instead of a sourpuss frown
and from your own pedestal, step down.
One who brags about his or her work
is really just being a malcontent jerk.
If these words seem harsh and trite,
some fish are known to take a bite.
Kindness is the best way to make a friend
so stop being bitter, just make amends.
Stop being a grouch, no talk or bellyache,
and be nice to others, for goodness sake!
https://www.youtube.com/edit?video_id=M1uhJSVuz_A
School bashings in 1951
Oh I went to school in fifty one
Like every six year old should
I did't know what was in store
A flogging for my good?
Bushy got a sandwich from another kid at school
He handed me another, nice tucker it was cool
Bushy did not come this day, I got another sandwich
Head teacher grabbed me by the scruff
A long cane he did brandish.
He thought to drive the evil out
I surely got a thrashing
Blue stripes from heel to nape of neck
Yes mate I got a bashing .
Beryl Mason was the older girl (bushys sister)
Who came and told my father
He sprang upon his horse, did whirl
His stockwhip cracked like thunder
He rode up the steps into the school
And sprang upon the teacher
Belted him often hard and cruel
And Joe become a preacher....he saw the light
So I did not get the cane for awhile after that.
I'd had all I needed for awhile. Don Johnson 6-12-10
My mate Sourpuss Noble of Dirranbandi had his head
Jammed through a plate of glass in a school door ..
As the teacher said .You will not talk no more?
MISANTHROPE
For Mel, my wordsmith
I miss you my misanthropos
My groucho cynic hermit
But I’m glad you left my life
For now I love a man called Phil
And he loves all that you abhor
Mankind, marriage, me
My kind-hearted Philanthropos
Who I can’t fault for misogyny
Or misology or even misogamy
Misanthropos, I wish you well
I am not the person to misein
And you are still an anthropos
I promised once to love forever,
My doubter, mocker, pessimist,
My sexist anti-feminist…
But:
Enough is finally enough
My Phil and I wish you well
You sourpuss, killjoy, gloomer
I’m off to better futures
You stay here in your shell.
Oh winter has come today
and Ole Santa has greased up his sleigh
he no buffoon so he's packed a stuffed loon
and long john with a dreidel bouquet.
He not going to Canada cause
Chris A. writ a sourpuss clause
banning Santa's banter, his reindeers canter
and demeaning Ole Santa because????
Well, Santa is sweet and he's good
he knows he's made up and Chris should!
But apparently Chris A. has Claus envy they say
or perhaps it's what's under Santa's hood?
Oh winter has come today
and the ding dongs are out to play
so watch out Chris A., leave Santa alone!
if you must pick a fight, watch out for drones!!
Remember when each of the tastes
bitter, sweet, sour, salty and umani,
had their own special place on your tongue?
When you could lick and flick a tongue tip
to savor one by one,
each titillating and tantalizing tidbit,
and avoid the bitter, sour and salty,
in the hors d'oeuvre samples and starters?
But turns out all the taste buds
of different types are a mishmash,
spread all over the palette
like mixed berry jam jelly on toast.
So blitz the blender,
pulse, pulse, pulse the mush to liquefy,
to make your next bender meld,
to an homogeneous amorphous blend,
a potpourri punch
fit for a sourpuss.
Why would I wanna be lemon or lime?
When I could be lemon marang
It might feel good in my haven sublime
But there’s more left to do than just hang
The bumps and wrinkles of my skin
Reminds of some latter acne stage
But flavored juices from within
Show wisdomed hours on each turning page
Through leaves way up in the shady tree
The sun so often leaves me tanned
With hunger pains you came and picked me
Braving brush with wavering hand
Nothing beats the view from up top
So high, it shows your dedication
Barked with lines that time can’t stop
For me a win-win situation
Convert me into something sweet
Or you could turn on your crusade
To masquerade with sourpuss treats
And call yourself the lemon aide
No, leave me hanging high and dry
With shriveled smiles before I fall
I choose to remain here in the sky
Untouched till topsoil sprouts reform
Who’s ever heard of a sour brigade?
That laughs and likes to play the fool
All gay and taunting the days away
The greatest trick I’ll ever pull
Hunamity and Our Sanity
Not only some but all the time
Committing sin sure is a crime
That has been against humanity
And along with all of our sanity;
Never ever sinning is so sublime.
James Thesarious Hilarious Philosopher Horn
Retired and Remain Veteran and Poet
PS.
I know, mis-spelled it for a reason;
To see if you knew which season
and draw a picture of your attention
of course.
PSS. Not only is sinning insidious,
it has been known to be hideous.
PSSS.
Thank you for your wonderful poems.
We only allow 10 poems posted per
24hr period so that more poems are
read. Thanks again for your wonderful
poetry. In the meantime, please do
comment on the poetry of others.
How do they know how wonderful
my poetry is if they keep restraining
me from writing it. I just have to
go ahead and Email my poems
back to myself. When the pen
has been hot you must keep
writing or your fingers will be
burned several times. This is
how I quince my burning desire
to write poems when I receive
a message like above my love.
Think those English people say
something like that. Also, I have
almost 4,900 characters still
remaining. Can you believe that.
Wonder if anyone has ever exceeded
5,000 before?
Many more PS's creating sourpusses.
If you were such a sourpuss
Decisions you made unanimous
Read my poems would look forward
Even if position is always awkward
Like when riding on a rhinoceros.
Am sure you enjoy laughing at
commercial where woman is stuck
by a Rhino Horn. Amazing where
you will find us Horn's now a days.
Jim Horn
Found a reason in each finger;
For while longer likes to linger;
Everyone of the do like the most,
And never disappear like a ghost;
Best one of all is a humdinger.
If from coast are further away
Often have heard people say
Not as much there to desire;
Closer to coast more will inspire;
Place where people like to play.
Jim Horn
I wondered what was all the fuss,
a new form of poetry thought to be tough,
poets shedding the limes,
using lemons this time,
afterwards looking quite like a sourpuss.
6-1-17
Not Afraid To Have Fun
By Elton Camp
Although he’s an old man with money,
This man enjoys life and acting funny
You can tell by his delighted smile
He hasn’t forgotten the joys of a child
In his mansion, he has an elegant staircase,
But alongside it, a slide he also had placed
And down the smooth chute he will slip
And he does reach the floor in only a zip
If a sourpuss frowns with criticism implied
As if one of his status should act dignified,
Because he’s old and rich, what does he care?
He’s earned the right to fun anytime, anywhere
Circus cat Cecil
Fantastically flew free
Soaring sailing sourpuss
Projecting piercing paws
Sourpuss People
Sourpuss people are the opposite of sweet
And can turn a sunny day into mincemeat.
Their smiles are forced and bitterly insincere,
Revealing no sense of humour or good cheer.
They sneer and wink and chatter behind your back
And rain on your parade every chance they get,
Complaining and griping about this and that
While arguing with nothing good to extract.
Their cold hearts are mean because they seek power
And bully others like they’re chopped liver.
And though it’s wrong to get mad and retaliate,
Sometimes lines are drawn when there’s no other way.
It’s incorrect behaviour to fight with them
Because others might not see the difference.
Dear humans,
I am an octopus and I’m unhappy with how you humans think you’re so great.
You might say I have a bone to pick with you…
which would be true if I weren’t an invertebrate.
I want you to know I am more than just a cephalopod
with 8 tentacles who spits out a little ink
for I too have a brain, in fact with nine of them…
and I am much smarter than you think
I have learned to use different tools and I solve problems too
and what if all those times you think you’re watching me…
I’ve been watching you.
You humans think with your one heart you’re as loving as can be…
Well think again mere humans…for every octopus has three.
So the next time you’re feeling superior…
the next time you think that you’re so great
remember…most animals in the world live in the ocean…
and most, like me, are invertebrates.
Please do not lament these facts…
do not become a sourpuss…
I’m sure you have some good qualities too…
Sincerely,
The Octopus
P. S. I know you’re proud of your ability to write…
and to be fair I think that’s great
but in the time it takes you to write one letter…
I’ve already written eight!
She looks like a Mede,
talks like a Persian
Got Democrat soft bray skin,
but underneath is
hard tusk tongue Republican
Girl Pharaoh-day
loves to zombie talk Friday,
while sleepwalk listening on Monday
Talking pretty contentious,
looking glossy pretentious
Her Primary job
is to give
handouts of payless paydays
Looking mascara pretentious,
talking lip rouge contentious
Girl Pharaoh-day
is two faces at the same time
Her Tuesday wed promises
is Thursday misled aisle denials
She cracks the whip on rest Sunday,
takes a hangover sip on hump Wednesday
And every Saturday,
she’s got two party favor places
to be at the same time
Says she’s got an Independent mind,
but I know Girl Pharaoh-day
is two-task-at-the-same time lying
That honey sweet, rolled-up sleeve disposition
is reversible wear
Her Cruella de Vil decisions tells you
how much she care
Sitting pretty up on her queen bee seat,
she heavy labors every worker bee to death
Says a lot of sweat tears is good to eat,
and slave pay is a cure wage for bad health
Talking anchor chain charlatan,
looking oxy free cosmopolitan
Her Primary job
is to give
handouts of pay less paydays
Looking Miss Gulag cosmopolitan,
talking Señorita Liberty charlatan
Girl Pharaoh-day loves being
two faces at the same time
Dark war speech
is her vocal peace sunshine
Goody Girl Cleopatra Doriana Gray Pharaoh-day
is just another Caesar painted face
Do doing wrong
on a blush daily sell-you-lure
Carny barking
the same sourpuss spiel inure
at every Watergate tea party place
Cursed be her Queen of Diamond heart!
That light saber clubbing smile,
it cuts wrong-number-given spade dark
Got repo blessed
when I ballot dated her pyramid scheming ways
Charity got less
when I questioned how the vow game was played
Girl Pharaoh-day hates being
two faces at the same time
Wearing a pious mask of deception
is a Jez B diplomatic grind