Best Shave Poems
I learnt a lesson well today on how good hygiene works,
and how sometimes it doesn’t pay, to gain professional perks.
It was Mick the barber’s little lurk that put up this dreadful case …
I’ll never trust another soul when shaving whiskers off me face.
The local footy club had organized a social ‘do’,
on this Friday night that I had bought some tickets too,
where me wife and I will manage, to get half full and skite,
but I had to get a haircut to look half decent for the night.
So I knocked off picking apples at around a half past four,
and drove off to Mick the barber where I sat and waited for,
my turn to sit down in his chair and that could be a while,
as there are two ahead of me, and the first has little style.
His hair was long and rank and by his whiskers it appeared,
he hadn’t shaved for quite a while, so had a stubble beard.
Mick clipped his scissors through the hair; saying as it gently fell,
“Once I’ve finished with your hair would you like a shave as well?”
This fella gave his face a gentle rub and then he quietly speaks,
“My razor can’t get close enough and leaves a shadow on me cheeks,
Would I be wasting all me money here?” Mick gave a cheeky grin,
“No, not at all, for I’ll fix that” then reached inside a bin.
Mick picked up this wooden ball and fingers rolled it with his thumb,
“Just place this in your mouth between your left cheek and your gum,
I’ll pass the razor ‘round the contours and when yer feel yer cheek,
yer won’t even feel the stubble if yer don’t shave fer a week”.
I watched Mick do his business and by gee you know he’s right,
the skin is looking more like silk and not a shadow is in sight,
then I saw a frown come on the face of the fella in the chair,
and in a garbled voice he sort of spoke with some despair.
“This bloody ball keeps rolling ‘round, and I can’t follow it,
what happen’s Mick if just by chance that I swallow it?”
Mick wiped his razor on a towel, then filled the bloke with ‘horrer’,
“Just do what all the others do - and bring it back tomorrer!”
Categories:
shave, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Those BURMA SHAVE signs used to give us kids something to do,
As down the highways and byways in our 1935 Dodge we flew!
The chef-d'oeuvre from the quills of very creative poets flowed,
Nailed to fence posts for our cultural enlightenment along the road!
Take note of this sign young reader as you pass this way!
In just a little while you too will be hoary and gray!
And like your Pa with steady hand be true and brave,
As you wield that straight razor usin' BURMA SHAVE!
She told her beau, "You remind me of a thug,
With that scraggly stubble sproutin' on yer mug!
If its my hugs and kisses that you crave,
Best ya start usin' BURMA SHAVE!"
The feller tried over and over to get a job,
But potential bosses thought him a slob!
Never apply for work looking like a knave!
Use gobs of BURMA SHAVE when you shave!
With her feller Mabel had a beef.
Claude's stubble caused her grief!
Said she, "Yer wreckin' our romance!
Ever thought of usin' BURMA SHAVE by chance?"
If on your mug you are well endowed
With stubble of which you're not proud
In the mornin' after yer kisser you scrub,
Liberally slather with BURMA SHAVE, old Bub!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
Categories:
shave, humorous, nostalgia,
Form:
Rhyme
Alas, never seen along highways and byways anymore,
Was some very classic poetry that has become American lore!
'Tis sad that these masterpieces have vanished from the scene.
So I want to add some Burma Shave verse from my old bean!
"Plain old soap won't do the job
What you need is a generous gob
Of good ol' foamy Burma Shave
If it's your mug you want to save!"
"If you want to impress your sweetie pie
You should have on hand a good supply
Of smooth and creamy Burma Shave
And let me tell you fellers it's all the rave!"
"If she told you to drop dead last night
And you were no longer her shining knight
Perhaps it's a smoother mug she craves
We'd recommend you try Burma Shaves!"
"She thought his stubble a disgrace
Each time it scratched her pretty face
Sorry to hear about that Dave
Shoulda used Burma Shave!"
"When rising each morn to mow your stubble
You could save yourself a heap of trouble
Before you shave give your face a healthy lave
Then slather your mug with Burma shave!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
NOTE: For the younger set and those not familiar with this bit of Americana, during the 1930s, 40s and 50s, Burma Shave signs were posted along many highways across the U.S. It was a very clever way of advertising the shaving cream. A different line of the ditty was posted on a red board about every 150 feet and they were fun to read as you sped by. The verses above I dreamed up but if you really want to see some of the old signs and the witty verse thereon, type in your search "Burma Shave Signs".
Categories:
shave, funny, old, old,
Form:
Rhyme
Close and clean but I gots to go not strapped but this chair I know Mirror’s shaky friend **** All dressed up but the razor barber my eyes like a laser a click drop two bits
* - Henry Fonda's , My Name Is Nobody - Shaving Scene
Categories:
shave, adventure, america, culture, film,
Form:
Tail-rhyme
Homeless man shaved
By cop saved
Categories:
shave, appreciation, blue, poetry, recovery
Form:
Couplet
From his sweetie Dave took lots of guff
'Cause his beard was mighty ruff
Too bad you get fewer kisses, Dave
Try Burma Shave - its all the rave!
Do you sprout a very wild stubble?
Have you heard of the latest rave?
You'd save yerself a ton of trouble
Taming yer mug with Burma Shave!
We feel very sorry for poor Walter
His bride left him standing at the altar!
His whiskers scratched her lovely face
Should-a used Burma Shave to save face!
Is that 5 o'clock shadow giving you stress?
And are the ladies noticing you less?
Then, on yer mug you should slather
A creamy coat of Burma Shave lather!
While they were dancing cheek to cheek
Said she, "Go paddle up the creek!
You scratched my face, you hairy knave!
Next time treat yer mug with Burma Shave!"
Categories:
shave, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
The lawn awaits the mower’s blade
The blade of dullest steel is made
The smoke of petrol fumes abound
As the mower is pushed around
The grass beard trimmed of morning shade
Categories:
shave, garden, green, nature,
Form:
Quintilla
I know I shaved the hair off this week
The razor was a solid brand
I felt my legs afterwards,
They were smooth as baby
Yet today I saw
My legs are dark
Curly hair
Grew all
Back
So maybe it was a week or two
Could possibly might have been
I shaved them hard on my knee
Hair floated down the drain
Grooming is no fun
The hair grows back
Hard and fast
Categories:
shave, funny,
Form:
Nonet
There he stood before the bathroom mirror, shaving cream all over his face.
A quick shave before beginning once again, the new day's routine rat race.
I stood there beside him in awe as a young child.
"When will I be old enough to shave Dad?" He answered, "Right now."
He took a handful of shaving cream and gently applied it to my face.
"Be careful with this blade son," he said, "this is not a shaving race."
Looking back now I realize there was no blade in that Gillette.
My first shave with Dad, a moment from my childhood I'll never ever forget.
"How did you like your first shave son?" he asked, as he turned off the bathroom light.
"It was good Dad. When can I do it again?" I replied in childish delight.
His response;
"Savor this moment for as long as you can son,
because you're going to hate it for the rest of your life."
Turns out Dad was right.
Shaving is no longer a childhood delight.
Categories:
shave, childhoodchildhood, childhood,
Form:
Rhyme
(This is a fictional poem)
I'm tired of having to beg.
Please shave your damn legs!
It's been so long since you've shaved your legs, I can't keep track.
It's like making love to a lumberjack.
It's embarrassing when we go out in public because you always wear a dress.
If you are wondering if people are laughing at us, the answer is yes.
I feel like I'm on a cliff and I'm about to go over the edge.
Please do everybody a big favor and shave your damn legs!
Categories:
shave, funny
Form:
Rhyme
The painted signs could be found anywhere.
They were part of the scenery on a thoroughfare.
Much smaller than billboards were these little signs.
A number of them would form roadside lines.
They carried novel little examples of poetry.
One could not help but smile once they could see.
There were charming examples of wit displayed.
Anyone could read them in the sun or shade.
The signs were the products of an imaginative dream.
What an ingenious way to advertise shaving cream!
Categories:
shave, history, nostalgia,
Form:
Rhyme
Ol’ Pete he had a new gal friend that he wanted to prank—
His idear was to shoot her silhouette like Buckskin Frank!
It was Frank Leslie that first shot holes all around his girl—
So Pete thought he’d do it too or at least give it a whirl!
But what he did not count on was the mettle of that dame—
After he pulled his little trick, he never was the same!
He did not know her fuse was short and she practiced with knives—
And that her list of beaus was long and how most lost their lives!
So when he commenced to shootin’ round his new love, Molly,
She done started throwin’ knives and ‘bout clipped him, by golly!
Pete learned his lesson as she sat down and played piano—
As he pulled out knives thrown south that near made him soprano.
And Prickly swore that nevermore would he shoot at his mate—
At least not wives that packed sharp knives and would likely castrate!
Categories:
shave, cowboy-western, funny, life, lost
Form:
Cowboy Poetry
Should a Sheik seek a shave
Who'd shave a Sheik,
Sheik shavers should surely
So Sheik shavers Sheiks seek.
Entry for
Twist my Tongue Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Nina Parmenter
17/1/2020. Placed 3rd.
Categories:
shave, humorous, silly,
Form:
Rhyme
Half a red beard lays on the floor The simple barber says, I’m about done A nick under the other ear. I’m sorry, he swore Forgive me these things happen my, son I’m confident, You did so well on the other half and you have the best intentions, my friend An optimist, I see with rolling belly laugh No a positivist, I there for must contend with a few quick flashes upon the leather So, by the spiral pole, you think I’m the barber Red drops on floor, too late to believe the nether Thoughts cannot be seen, no matter how you harbor Simply saying, what can go wrong, will go wrong as the devil sings a sing along, his favorite torch song
Categories:
shave, christian, irony, mystery, nature,
Form:
Rhyme
“That was a close one,” he said to me as I walked into his room.
I looked around for whatever he might have thought was a close one.
“What dad? What was a close one?”
Nothing, no response.
“How was your day today?”
Blink, blink, blink.
“What did you eat for breakfast?”
Sometimes talking about food get’s him conversational.
His eyes gained focus.
“Barbecued ribs.”
“Your favorite.”
I knew that couldn’t have been breakfast.
“Did you have that for dinner?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah, real good. They were tiny, like in a magazine.”
“Good though.”
“Yeah, good.”
Now I didn’t know if he had eaten them or saw them in a
magazine and thought that he had eaten them.
“Did you get enough to eat? Are you still hungry?”
“I asked for a salad.”
“Did they get you one?”
“Yeah. The ribs were tiny, like in a magazine. Perfect.”
“Good though.”
“Yeah, good.”
“I’ll make you some this summer, out in the smoker.”
He laughed at that like a kid looking forward to ice cream.
The sun came through the Venetian blinds and striped the room.
Sunlight and darkness.
There was silence for a long time.
His jaw moved.
I knew that he was eating ribs.
“It looks like they shaved you today. You look good.”
“That was a close one,” he said lifting his hand to his face.
I smiled and walked out of his room.
This is where I came in.
Categories:
shave, caregiving, father, food, funny,
Form:
Free verse