Best Rolling Pin Poems

A Magic Adventure of Peter The Pan/AKA Peta The Fwying Pan

Peter was a fine young pan with blue eyes
Like all the other pans his age, except,
Peter could not yet pronounce 'R's'--he tried...
And 'L's'...so hard he tried. He even wept.

School had been especially hard today
Peter had...

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Hey there, Rag doll!
I'm folding into a bowled, 
bold mix and
I'm in knead of a partner.

First come. First served.

Lying in a daydream -
I see you fit the bill.
Make my realities a nightmare.

You're my dazzling star.
You're thin-sliced innocent.
You're an unused gift certificate.
Need me.

Hey there, sweetheart!
Don't talk....

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By Elton Camp

For the entirety of his married life
Maurice had been ruled by his wife

For anything that happened to occur
He had no choice but to answer to her

Just ordering him around wasn’t enough
Since Zelda was often violent and rough

Any disagreement she’d always win
Even if she...

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She caught me coming in again
In the wee hours of the morn
She began explaining the facts of life
That’s how my shirt got torn

But looking on the bright side
As she removed my grin
At least I understand now
Why she held that rolling pin

What a wonderful way to...

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Every year our community gets together at the annual church fair. This year they have changed the format with some new events and dropping some of the old events that appeared a little dangerous. How dangerous to the community could rabbit trap throwing be.
******
Mum arrived...

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Peter the philandering potato farmer,
   Wanted so badly to quietly disarm her,
            But behind the rolling pin,
               His...

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On a whim, 
a demon will grab a fist full of mind.
Slap it down- roll it out- sprinkle it with lye. 
Then pull out its cookie cutter heart.
press down hard...real hard...
Feed pieces of sanity to its hoard.
Half devoured they crap you out.
Into the shadow of...

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I want a big-small girl!
I want to reach out and touch someone,
but don't want just skin and bones.
I would like a fine, firm rump roast to call my own.

Not too jiggly or porous,
but big enough
for me to grab huge handfuls
with my little hands.

I want a...

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My heart was a happy heart,                                            until it became broken into many pieces.                       ...

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A hymen or a hyena on a hyperlink is akin to a rotating rogue on a rhododendron. Balancing is deemed important by heavy duty wheels upon petals. Such a fascination for the hibernating hybrid horses. But wilderness brings wrapped weapons like a gift to the...

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3:15 a.m. 
 It was a crappy, wet, rainy dog-hiding drizzly morning.
Anthony woke up in a bad mood, with a sore throat, that got worse when he looked out the window.
Of course, the obstinate dog made it better by refusing to go out to relieve...

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The Man of the House

By Elton Camp

“He who would not be a henpecked fool
Must show his wife that he means to rule”

Tom had heard that saying all his life 
He tried to apply it when he took a wife

He tried the “man of the house”...

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The Second Wife

Making its round in the ever pervasive What's app world...
Is a creative and amusing anecdote to raise a smile of mirth... ...

A stressed wife, harried as always from the endless house chores....
Receives a disturbing call from her husband on the way back from...

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Woke up this morning
With a big knot on my head
I saw the wife's rolling pin
On the floor next to the bed

I cant remember 
What I did last night
Probably came home drunk
And started a fight

She looked at me
And gave me the stink eye
Says I get dumber...

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Go ahead!
Break me wide open 
spread me out thin
Thin...as the dough beneath the well dusted rolling pin

Slender my edges and refine my rounded shape
push me away from you with each forceful roll
extend me 
in our mutual exertion to define it

Yes...do straighten me slowly carefully gently...

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