Best Retardant Poems
I was out walking my dragon, when I came across a Dogasaurus Rex.
It really wasn’t so bad until; they got into a real life-pissing contest.
My dragons’ roar was way less than his, and spitting fire, he couldn’t do.
So they squared off, eyes aglow, and yep, a true pissing contest did ensue.
Now, that was really icky, and flooded my neighbors whole lawn, ewww.
Well, it smelled awfully bad, but when they got going, what was I to do.
And a pooper-scooper does not work here, so I had to wait till both were thru.
If there wasn’t enough testosterone, now my neighbors’ was added, to the brew.
A mean old codger lived right there, and now, even he, was royally pissed.
Watering the lawn wouldn’t send it away; it would spread it more, amiss.
I ran to get my neighbor witch, who was laughing her head off, yes, indeed.
I’d need her help to save the yard, and with the old codger, to finally succeed.
The old codger amazed, started adding, held in, bubbling laughter, to the brew.
Seems he’s a lonely old man, with not enough fun added in his life, it’s true.
He tapped his foot, as his dogasaurus Rex did more, what was I to do, in truth?
I became worried, it would be the death of him, if he didn’t laugh out loud, forsooth.
I ask the dragon, to burn the yard, to save us all, but he just snickered more, thereon.
How, you ask, was I to extradite myself? I went home to put a fire retardant suit, on.
Coming back I kicked, the dragon in his butt, for always being so crazily, put upon.
That quickly brought his fire on me, as I took it into the middle of the yucky lawn.
With the taunting done, the icky stuff gone, the witch put the grass back, with great skill.
Then, the dragon started laughing, his butt off, while thinking I’d owe the witch’s bill.
Hah! He was incredulous, as I said; he’d do the witch’s bidding, till it was fulfilled.
Then, the silly dragon, down right cried, as I told him, the walkies, would now be nil!
But, Grandpa Troll intervened, with us both in timeout, again, facing across the lake.
And, the old codger, spent the rest of his life happy, entertaining the town, with our fate.
From then on, the dragon and dogasauraus, were seen everywhere, as great playmates.
And me, I always carry an umbrella, so Dragon can never rain on my parade…
Categories:
retardant, adventure, fantasy, fire, funny,
Form:
Light Verse
Like any family, mine’s the same, they leave Mama with the dirty Chores.
You’d think with Trolls, and Dragons, and such… There’d be magic galore!
But I concede defeat at Pooper Scooping Time, my sons taught everyone well.
You’d think just once, they wouldn’t run away, with such a humongous bombshell.
The Witch next door is out of town; she usually uses it to fertilize her yard.
Her magic does it in a minute flat, but she’s not here, as my yard becomes marred.
She flew on vacation with the first snowfall; in spring she’ll help my backyard.
In the meantime it’s just little old me… It’s like cleaning out a yucky stockyard.
So I gave a shovel to a grouchy old Dragon, since he’s so big and does so much.
But I came back fricasseed and charbroiled, my shovel totally melted, as such.
I put on my fire retardant suit, and I gave him a special spot where he can unload.
Apparently he didn’t like that either, as I dug out from under a humongous load.
Finally, raking it all up, I ask the dragon, to make cinders of the yucky stuff.
Instead he laughed as he huffed and puffed, blowing smoke at me, in a huff.
I smelled kinda bad as I went to the house, getting a cart to fill to the brim.
I’ll admit, getting mad at a dragon was never a good idea, to originally begin.
But I was pissed, as it looked like rain, and my mind was beginning to spin.
I filled the cart to overflowing, then tied it to the sleeping dragon’s… butt end.
When he woke up, he flew half way up to the moon, spreading it on the wind.
Unfortunately it was me, my yard, and my house, that finally got it again.
Who knows where that darned old cart now lies, as he came flying back alone.
I had learned my lesson that it would never be wise to lose my temper again.
So as the rain began to wash my folly away, I looked up and kissed the rain.
Sometimes it’s prudent, to just relax, and get in touch with the elements again.
Categories:
retardant, adventure, fantasy, funny, humorous,
Form:
Light Verse
Christmas roses are red, and violets are so very blue…
Dear Santa. We love our dear Dragon and hope you do, too.
Nightly, visions of colors dance round and round his big bed.
As delusions of grandeur… continuously dance in his head.
For him sugar plums dance swirling, in dreams oh… so… sweet.
As you know… that tomorrow will bring a new, disastrous treat.
But this is the nighttime, as he lays snuggly, sleeping in his bed.
Honestly don’t worry! For the moment, there’s nothing to dread.
See how he looks, like a sweet heart, innocent, while cozy in bed.
But to be truthful, to help Santa, This year like promised and said…
We gave Dragon… Just a few of those wee, little knockout drops.
Now Santa‘s coming, lickety split! We’re ready, here, like on a military op.
No fricasseed Santa, will happen this night, during Santa’s great yearly flight.
Last year was an accident, we swear! It was little Dragons 1st Christmas night.
When he's excited, he tends to throw fire, through the air, like a son of a gun!
We told you to run, not goo and make cutesy faces, after all he was only one!
And truth to be told, those strange faces on anyone would scare him, we fear!
To make matters more clear, we copied our book, on Dragon etiquette, Dear!
We sent it to the North Pole, and a fire retardant suit, in red, made just, for you.
Don’t lift the face plate, on top of the suit, hair singes fast, to blackened soot!
Suddenly, Santa’s sleigh on the rooftop did land, and he was there within a blink.
Last on his list, it was close to the morn, he wanted to meet Dragon, he thinks.
Entering the room, over a penguin he fell, and landed face down on Dragon.
Dragon woke up and gave Santa a hug, as a new story for Christmas was born.
Now all is well, after Santa was gone. For he got to meet the first Dragon child…
In a thousand years or more, and thankfully Dragon behaved as he smiled…
Two icons in life finally did meet, then they went off to Church and back again.
Now, don’t be surprised, such things can happen, on a day where miracles reign.
All had a great Christmas with reindeer, Santa, Trolls, penguins and Dragon.
Can’t ask for more, at Christmas time, where Jesus in our minds, shines on
So have some good cheer and like Dragon and Santa, together, lets celebrate…
You should know, by now, it’s never too late to participate…The End!
Categories:
retardant, adventure, christmas, fun, funny,
Form:
Clerihew
Today was the day Dragon’s brother Joey graduated from Nursing School.
And yes, Dragon wanted to be there, it was, really, going to be Sooo Cool!
Parents and students gussied up in all their finery, a sight truly to behold.
The University never, truly, looked better, as future dreams began to unfold.
And Joey gave Dragon, the best-est thing ever, his very own, special invite.
Now, we all know how things go amok, when Dragon is allowed on the site.
Every-thing was truly prepared, or so they thought, as Dragon sallied forth.
His own fire retardant Cap, Gown, and tassel to be immortalized, henceforth.
He was a part of the ceremony, to light their candles, in a symbolic gesture…
Before to the world, they, go forth, Why Dragon? Cause he’s such a treasure.
Yes, He’d receive an Honorary Degree, for all the lives, from fires, he’d saved.
Grandpa Troll was on the College Board of Directors, we were all amazed!
Apparently, Grandpa Troll had donated, a burn ward to the local Hospital…
Where our son Joey, would work, jump-starting his career, just a wee, little.
All the people Dragon had saved from fires, would be there to sing their praise.
As Joey wanted to dedicate his Nursing Career to burn patients, all his days.
It’s amazing how lives change, when strangers, are first allowed, into our lives.
And the Carpenter Trolls signed up for College, Architecture, was their drive.
Such determination, from a little Dragon egg, that was brought into our lives.
It brought so much purpose, to so many, when he chose, one morning to arrive.
Dragon roared out his glee and fire, sigh, as a surprise degree, was given to him!
All agreed no one needed the curtains, podium, or stage, as all sang, their hymn!
Hundreds of ready fire extinguishers, came into view, a new tradition was formed.
3 new degrees, came to the College curriculum, as thankfully, no one was harmed.
What three new degrees were added, you ask? Fire fighting, Burn Units Nursing,
Plus a Psychology Degree of “what change can do for your lives, if you let it in”.
Yeah, we’re all nuts! But very innovative, as our son, suggested, the new degrees.
Then he and Dragon led the hat toss, before leading all, out the door, to be free…
Written celebrating Joeys Nursing College Graduation. 5-15-2016
For Contest: Not written for any contest... Contest
Categories:
retardant, celebration, fantasy, funny, graduation,
Form:
Light Verse
Dragon Slayer! Dragon Slayer! Just say it isn’t so! Just Look at that cutesy face!
Behind the scary teeth, fire, and smoke… Choke…Ah… he’s gentle to embrace!
Moody, sulky, get even-ish, is truly he. But to have him, is so cool… and so hot!
And, I truly do mean Hot! Fire retardant suit’s a must, as there’s fire… often, a lot!
He’s just a baby, waiting to be taught. I tried to teach him, how to fly me thru the air.
Instead, he dumped me in a treetop, it took all day to get down, until I despaired.
To help me down, he lit the tree afire, as his wings errantly fanned the roaring flames.
I jumped, and he smiled a toothy grin, because I was safe, he steadfastly claims.
I’m on crutches, nearly bent his tail. But he loves me, you can tell, see he puffs at me!
Grandpa Troll gives us time out, when there’s a tiff, as my dragon, is petulant, you see.
At times, he sits across the lake from me, blowing fire and smoke ¾ across the lake.
He’s such a sensitive thing, he took my couch to the lake, upon sitting, it did break.
I got upset and called him fat…he tried to steam me, as fire is such, a No- No.
For, he had learned to not throw fire… at least when Grandpa Troll is, there, tho…
He needs to be first, the center of attention, seen in his cunning life’s plots, galore!
He taught my Trolls a happy dance, while waiting their first boat ride. Silly Dragon!
They sunk my boat! It's believed, he was getting even for being last in line, you think?
And he stomped off, perturbed, when told no more rides until the boat is unsink-ed.
He’d been last, for breaking my roof for another (fourth) time, but it will soon be fixed.
You see, he gets lonely, while waiting for me, to come outside to play, the little minx!
He CAN be hard on insurance, as I got cancelled and my bills are higher than a kite!
And when the Supreme Leader of the Universe, came to our picnic on a motorbike…
Dragon, accidentally, released his Dogs of War, while sitting on his Harley Bike.
Honestly, the flat tires can be fixed, the body unbent, and the spokes were given back.
I explained they weren’t HIS toothpicks… he truly looked sad as sad can be, at that.
Never fear, we caught the Dogs of War before they had time to… do great harm.
You can just imagine how great this dragon will eventually be, when all grown up.
Dragon Slayer, indeed! Grandpa Troll gave him to me. He’s sweet as sweet can be!
Categories:
retardant, fantasy, fun, funny, happiness,
Form:
Light Verse
One of my Trolls got a toothache, and I suddenly began to realize, so wise…
No one had had a checkup, since they had come to be with us, poor guys!
Now this proposed a question…Where to go, to a Doctor, Dentist, or a Vet?
Yes, for Dragon, definitely a vet! But who’d be crazy enough, to be so beset?
For the Trolls, that didn’t seem quite right, so we continued to look, farther yet.
But even Grandpa Troll, who is so old and wise, didn’t know, whom we should get.
We looked on the worldwide web, where a Doctor said; we could come, right away!
His name was Dr. Frankenstein, ‘Sorry, we can’t make it, exactly, now, ah… today!’
Transylvania is too far to go, we said, as we slowly, and quietly slipped, off line!
We finally went to our neighbor witch, yes, again! Just to see, whom she’d assign.
She said it’d have to be from the magic folk, we were going about this, all wrong.
She found an earth mother witch, dealing in fairy folk and such, where we belong.
Yes, she was a well-known Doctor, but also a powerful practicing witch.
Apparently, she had found her niche, and we had found our Doctor witch!
So we called her up right away, and she promised to see us all, at once.
I said they were my dependants, you see, but money was not, in abundance.
She just waved her hand gently, and my insurance suddenly had, a paying clause.
She used bunnies to keep the Trolls, happy and rather mesmerized, for the cause.
And Dragon got a rolling chair, to keep him busy sliding, across the floor, zoom!
With each check up, came the same routine, as they came into the exam room.
As they looked around, she froze them with her wand, no muss, no fuss, for sure!
None of them remembered a single thing, as she had such, a gentle Touch, I assure!
The tooth was fixed with the snap of her fingers, this was truly amazing stuff…
She said we were doing great, for a brood like this, can be full of, painful mischief.
In fact, I was the first, human she’d known, who could deal with a young Dragon.
And still be alive to tell… I told her it was technology, a fire retardant suit, and fun.
That made her laugh hysterically, as she then smiled, and she patted me on the back.
It made me begin to wonder… Is there some thing I don’t know about… yet?
Categories:
retardant, adventure, fantasy, fun, funny,
Form:
Light Verse
I hear voices and I hear vexes...I hear screams and striking matches
I sense evil eyes on eggs now hatching
I can see a sea of static now the smoke it makes me blind
I hear wicked wings start flapping wild
Destination...devastation
Fly firebird fly
Discoveries they get made...many dark and dangerous
Like volcanoes full of vengeance... Like ticking time bombs set to blow
I see angels in the ashes committing arson in the first
I see firemen in flame retardant suits...thirsty ones who seek the truth
I see shadows dressed in sunshine...scorching everything in sight
I can see mad ghosts that glow with glee in that never ending night
Annihilation... Anti creation
Fly firebird fly
I can smell the fumes of chemicals and the sky is turning Scarlet
I can see hell's horsemen riding in on flaming chariots
I see black clouds spew bad medicine and now it's raining gas
Spontaneous are the sparks...like Spartans now they speak
Wicked fiends and fools all gasp
Bad believers soon to burn for their lunacy and lies
As lightning strikes the land lions turn to lambs
Burnt and baked and cooked to a crisp...every devil soon will die
Fornication in the fire
Savage and so sexy
Fly firebird fly
Categories:
retardant, anger, bible,
Form:
Blank verse
My daughter heard
a Decent Cool-lio smart phone stranger
(with an African sounding name)
give a four fifty one Fahrenheit warning
Some said: the fellow was loco insane
Others said,
not taking heed was the crux to blame
Mr. O Mgeni
said he saw a sickly pale man,
in an ivory tower,
feverishly delirium shouting
And each time he opened his mouth,
everything went up in flames
When the spit started to gushing out,
it petrol-fyingly
burned down the calcium frames
Mr. Onyo
sadly viral said,
the charred voting remains
was carbon dust crematory claimed
Some said this stranger
was a Pygmy green card provocateur
Others said this Mgeni fellow
was a temporarily sworn Masai allure
But, I believe
what my daughter said
Shavola told me: Daddy,
the burning photo negatives don’t lie!
Each time he opened up his mouth,
everything burst into flames
When the spit started to spray out,
it gaslight-ingly
burned down the calcium frames
And I bare witness
to what she said
Mr. O Mgeni avowed:
The 451 Fahrenheit early warning came
Some listened for the ominous, approaching sirens
Others didn’t ... too their crying shame
The holographic records retinitis-ously declare:
When the ground-zero man spoke ...
everything not fire retardant
quarantined,
went up in a green pyre of flames
Every wouldn’t osteopathic frame
Tho’ the early warning foreign aid came
Nevertheless, the charred voting remains
was hot-white coals crematory claimed
Categories:
retardant, dark, death, truth, wisdom,
Form:
Elegy
As the wind blows and doors open and close love pours from my heart into an unknown
location a constant fight against hatred as it tries to enter the emptiness in my heart its
slowly seeping in to the invisible cracks in my heart which are suppose to be sealed a battle
between good and evil is what I prefer to call it as my emotions jump up and down in a
undesirable manner leaving my body in shock confused and puzzled at what’s really going
on causing it to fight away good and evil leaving me virtually heart less being love and hate
retardant but occasionally things seem to make it thru but it always seem to be hatred end
of the totem pole which causes me to fight harder to block all things out for the unwanted
feel of evil and the want for love which there seems to be none around leaving me heartless
emotionless and with a frown wondering will love ever come around
Categories:
retardant, life, loveme, heart, evil,
Form:
Free verse
the invisible chains that hold and bind us .
that impossible Webb which those who control its tensions scuttle , hunt and prey on the trapped ! .
The retardant which holds all of people-kind back from becoming so much more.
this fabled glass ceiling if we are to evolve
‘must be smashed and as a race of beings therefore climb up together
into the light of freedom and meaningfully reacquaint ourselves with our limitless potential.
And so mote it be
Categories:
retardant, destiny, earth, faith,
Form:
Epic
Promiscuous dreams adulting lost desires
Flame retardant fuel and heart desire
Spectacle correlation a tangent powers
Mystically traversed demented demons cower
3/2/21
Britain words by James Edward Lee Sr 2021
Categories:
retardant, abuse, adventure, anxiety, dark,
Form:
Free verse
cannot bear the weight of all my sin
Alas, I fear, I’ll commit them all again
To add another pound or two of guilt
And hide behind my flame-retardant quilt
And so if Hell must have me I’ll submit
And stand accused of sins I did commit
And some, alas, that fell between the cracks
Of penalties enforced by dark robed quacks
And yet the penalty does seem severe
For one who made a mockery of fear
Now feigns the trembling words “I do not care”
To mend the garment rent without a tear
I have sinned in thoughts and words and deeds
To minister to those without a creed
Categories:
retardant, irony, sin,
Form:
Sonnet
Starting to think that love isn’t real
Something we say, not something we feel
Frivolous rhymes soften the blow.
A ruse evoked by the brain,
Chemical explosions alter and addict.
Life forces fuse like hot metal,
But cool so fast they become brittle
Tolerance builds, chemicals fade, and the war begins
Perpetual battles for small doses, proving our love true
For some, the doses are enough
Anniversaries with digits next to decades
Others see error in choice, but crave the full effect.
Why do my chemicals always remain?
Maybe my brain is broken like it is with booze.
The cryptic off-switch eludes my fragile heart
Maybe love is real, and it only exists in the broken.
I know what you must think. What if it’s you?
Does toxicity spew from my pours?
Am I the retardant for chemicals adored?
The answers compete with love’s lack of existence.
So now I dwell in my new home,
Between rocks and hard places,
Grasping hope with sad faces
Categories:
retardant, girlfriend, heartbroken, loneliness, love,
Form:
Free verse