Best Plumber Poems
My plumber is here to sort my pipes.
Says he has divorced his wife.
He just showed me his hose.
Then proceeded to propose.
I admit I got the fright of my life.
Joe The Plumber announced he was runnin' fer Congress the other day!
Congratulations, Joe! You the man! Fer you I shout, "Hooray!"
Tell 'em like it is as you did with Obama - show 'em you won't be outdone!
And, Joe, take yer plumbers' kit - you'll need it to repair the damage done!
Include screwdrivers to tighten the screws on higher taxes and spendin',
And yer biggest wrench to shut off the flow of governmental lendin'!
Take yer solderin' arn so as to solidify warm relationships with yer peers,
And a pipe cutter to cut off zany filibusterin' that is tiresome to yer ears!
You'll need a hundred rolls of duct tape to stem the flow of inane babble,
And gallons of Liquid Plummer to unclog the stalemate of that useless rabble!
A good pipe wrench will come in handy to tighten the discipline in that 'joint',
And a twelve-foot stepladder to rise above that rotten mob to make yer point!
Joe, show 'em what real 'change' is meant to be with a new 'shower' of hope!
Flush political correctness down the john that's gotten us on this slippery slope!
Be sure to take yer roto-rooter and clean the sewer that is Washington, DC!
Use yer most powerful hose to flush the whole mucked-up mess out to sea!
Robert L. Hinshaw,CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
P Pipes corroded
L Lies, folds, and bends
U Under a sink
M Mans the phones
B Butt crack showing
E Extracts gook and hair
R Rodents and snakes
There was a plumber from South Vernal
Who collected plumbing items supernal.
He loved them greatly
With devotion saintly
And slept every night with a urinal.
under the sink
the plumber
switches rings
Have you seen the part time plumber?
He plumbs in winter and a pop-star in summer
During a plumbing job, he will thrust out his spanner
Singing into it “Copacabana”
One fine day last summer
came crazy Pete the plumber
he worked a whole week
I still have a leak
they just don't get any dumber
Men at work on the sky,
The welder just finished,
IronSmith started,
The plumber waiting!
With plunger in hand Fred was called from his bed
To the homestead of Sue a sexy redhead
The water bed pouring
As hubby was snoring
Fred was fine-tuning Sue till sunrise instead
Hubby woke peckish and went down for some bread
He was still unaware yet of Sue and Fred
Fine-tuned to perfection
No fear of detection
Sang 'Move over Darling' and jumped in with Fred
5th January 2019
Limericks Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Joseph May
My toilet was blocked, what a bummer
I texted Curtis, he’s a plumber
He got out his long rod
Gave my blockage a prod
If lucky t’will be fixed by summer!
The plumber has read a food thesis
Why faeces aren’t falling to pieces
If you go the whole hog
You will poop a bog log
Our diets needs more oils and greases!
Occupation chosen Plumber
Limerick's poetry Contest by Joseph May
syllable count 9.9.6.6.9 both poems
checked with how many syllables
1/4/19
My mind is a drain that gets clogged.
My pen is the snake that unclogg's the drain.
So in essence I am my own plumber.
The Plumber
By Elton Camp
When the pipes under sink began to leak,
Help of Big Bubba’s Plumbing I did seek
Bubba promised he’d be there right away
And he showed up later that very same day
He said, “Big Bubba is here your pipes to fix.
I brought the tools to help me do the tricks.”
Wrenches, pliers, solder—nothing did he lack
But, so sad to say, he also had plumber’s crack
Heavy metals make you dumb.
Arsenic, Gold, Plumbum.
Those metals take from the dome.
Why not try nickle, iron, or chrome?
Chlorine, sulfur, and radon will take away your breath.
Carbon, nitrogen, and hydrogen can make meth.
While mercury, zinc, and copper were known to the boomers,
lithium, silicon, and titanium were just late bloomers.
There once was a man, a New Yorker
Who was truly a cocky corker
He loved best his wife, and fixing bath pipes
With Bronx accent, a hearty talker
Fifty years he’d labored and toiled
Keeping pipes un-rusted and oiled
When no water drained, the women complained,
“Come fix it! ‘Cause the floor is now soiled!"
With light in hand he crawled under sinks
Slithered and slid among all those chinks
He worked for the money for his honey
No more teasing or joking high-jinks
Water flowed; it’s time to retire
Move South where old people perspire
Riding on 'trikes with high flying flags
With large baskets for folks to admire
He never thought he'd have such sore bones
"Tho he's always been accident prone
Pedaling by his now startled wife
He's riding through three time zones!
The plumber came to fix a leak
That he repaired the other week.
"Defective part," is what he said,
Though I think "Shoddy work" instead.
This second visit had no charge.
(The first one had a fee quite large.)
We'll see if this time there's no drip
Requiring a triple trip.
Perhaps I'm simply rather dumb
But if a plumber cannot plumb,
He should admit he's not the type
And blame himself and not the pipe!