Best Lapland Poems
'Twas the night before Christmas and it started to snow
Santa Claus was getting ready to go, ho ho ho
To keep himself warm he drank Scotch whiskey from a keg
Then walked to get Rudolph, slipped on ice and broke a leg.
The elves rushed over and put Santa on a stretcher
He told the head elf, Mrs Claus you'd better fetch her
She came out of the house with a big smirk on her face
Santa said" the jokes on you, you'll have to take my place".
She started to protest saying " I don’t know the way"
Santa said "Rudolph does, you just sit back in the sleigh
When you get to the rooftops just slide down the chimney
Drop off the kids presents and put them under the tree".
Things went so well and all the presents got delivered
But temperatures were dropping and Mrs Claus shivered
She made it back to Lapland quite late on Christmas day
Santa was there to greet her and he had this to say.
"All the children of the world today are full of glee
Woke up this morning to find presents under their tree
If it was not for you children would have been so sad
That you stood in for me makes me feel proud and glad".
"A big roaring log fire I've prepared just for you"
Told the elves' to get her in cos she was turning blue
Said "first take her to the kitchen it's nice and warm there
She can start cooking dinner and other Christmas fayre".
Written 22nd November 2019
For The Night Before 2 Poetry Contest.
Sponsored By Joseph May.
24
at my age, one does not run,
We walk and think,
We invent rondeaux,
In the river, every day, we drown,
at my age, one does not run,
Girls are mirages,
who disappear into the desert,
to whom should we offer another glass?
We no longer believe in much,
That in the beauty of roses,
to whom should we offer another glass?
We walk and think,
at my age, one does not run,
25
I wrote some mischief,
Excuse me, friends,
I could have done better,
Kissing the sweet Jennifer,
Excuse me, friends.
The rondeaux are my friends,
Whether they are gay or cursed,
Excuse me friends,
I should have seen Lapland,
With Julie or Aunt Mélanie,
I could have done better,
Cross the great desert,
I wrote some mischief.
To put an end to the myth that Santa lives in Lapland
Santa is a Yorkshire man everybody knows that
People just say he's from Lapland, cos he’s round and fat.
Well Yorkshire men can be the same they are not all dud
All year on the beer and whiskey, washed down with Yorkshire pud.
Santa is a Yorkshire man everybody in Yorkshire knows that
You say the Lapland Santa, glows warm and are red, and fat.
Well Yorkshire Santa’s have glowing bits, but they keep them out of sight
Except on Christmas Eve when their pants have got too tight.
Santa is a Yorkshire man so stop making such a fuss
A Santa who know what’s what, so you can call on us
If your chimney is too tight, Yorkshire Santa will let you know
He’ll leave your present’s elsewhere, and you will have to go.
To collect you gifts is your own fault if your chimney is too small
Don’t expect him to get up there, he doesn’t want to fall.
A spade is a spade wherever you go Santa will tell you that
If you want to get your presents early, try Ilkley moor barh t at.
They meet there on Christmas Eve to swap gifts and stories too
That’s why they all have glowing bits, I bet you would have too.
He doesn’t have time to mess about, you people should know that
Santa is a Yorkshire man, there’s no more to say that’s that.
Yorkshire folk are know for being down to earth and saying what they see, ie a spade is a spade and not an earth moving device.
Ilky Moor Bar tat a famous Yorkshire Folk song where lovers meet and she chides him for not wearing a hat. The winds of the moor causing death and he will be eaten by worms and so on (google it)
Repost fromLast year.
~GG~ 2011 ©
Simon was a happy elf
Who always wore a smile
One of Santa's best elves
Willing to go the extra mile.
With trousers of green, tunic red
And a bright yellow bobble hat
Simon whistled a happy tune
While at his workbench he sat.
Answering letters to Santa
From all the girls and boys
Stamping Made in Lapland
On all the childrens toys.
For three months Simon toiled
Hardly time for a rest
But satisfied in the knowledge
That he had given his best.
But Simon's work was seasonal
And soon it came to an end.
So upon the shores of England
Simon did decend.
At the local job centre
He was told he had to work
He could not draw benefits
If he intended to shirk.
So he was sent to Poundland
And stacking shelves he had to do
Not really an ideal job
For an elf of five foot two.
Simon became sadder and sadder
And considered taking pills
Until he saw Santa arrive
To start work on the tills.
Simon was happy again
Looking forward to the day
When he would return to lapland
On Santa's reindeer pulled sleigh.
Aurora Dances
Artic
White owls hoot hymns
Through floating Lapland snows -
Reindeer wait for Christmas magic
Flying
Birch trees
Dream through long nights –
Nordic fireflies released
Festival of lights - Aurora
Dances
12-4-20
Cinquain – Five lines - syllable count 2,4,6,8,2
A Modest Proposal
By Roy Merritt
Doctor Swift wrote it anonymously
His delicate modest proposal
His idea to save the poor Irish
Was to make their children disposal
He was lampooning Petty and Bacon
Quite popular upon that year
Their notions of how society be taken
And socially engineered
He wrote of the poor Irish
How they going to waste
And how a child of just one year
Might appeal to one’s taste
They could be roasted, stewed,
Or boiled long in a pot you see
To be sliced into ragout
And made delicious as fricassee
So let no man talk of expedients
Of taxes on landlords absentee
Let no man talk of new taxes
Or leveling them at me
No clothing do they need
Or furniture to sit astride
Not one penny for luxury
Or vain human pride
It would cure much idleness
Keep women safe and pure
Parsimony and patriotism
The only way to endure
Prudence and temperance
And love of one’s native sand
Was how they should differ
From the Laps in Lapland
And thus the small children
Could prove a fine subject
Not be bemoaned as a burden
But a benefit to the public
You might would put on weight
If the child is particularly sweet
And I don’t doubt be easy to chew
So tender would be their meat
I don’t doubt either as times
get worse in this nation
That some bloody right wing fool
Bring Swift into the conversation
Instead of depending on food stamps
When little food you got
Just reach over into that crib
And throw the kid into the pot
Just reach over into that crib
And throw your kid into the pot
Winter wonderland.( double acrostic)
Weathering the storm,also
Intercepting snow and rain,while
North wind blows, dark clouds,
Trees glistening in sunlight,
Experiencing climate change,
Relax in front of a log fire.
Wishes and dreams to
Oblige friends and family,
Noel celebrations, surprises
Delivered by fictional
Elves from the northern
Region of earth,
Lapland the place to be
Appreciated for its
Natural beauty and rein
Deer herds flourish.
17/11/2016.
Holiday Season is almost near
Christmas rush which you can hear
Beautiful lights seen everywhere
It can be felt in the air anywhere..
But still I don't have a Xmas gift for you
I'm not sure if you wanted it too
How I wish I know what to give
Something that you will be appreciative.
I wish I have the magic powers
To make the reindeers run thereafter
As the elves too busy packing
What Santa may carry for you and bring.
I wish I can put Lapland in a box
A place where the Snow Queen rocks
And where Santa and the elves live
Even those reindeers, I wish I can give.
But they're an impossible wish
A wish I hope I can accomplish
A gift I want to give to make you smile
Even just a little and only for a while.
Merry Christmas to you my dear
And A Happy New Year too.. Cheers!
Into the store dressed completely in pink
He looked like he wanted to kick up a stink
The legs of his pants had decided to shrink
And was that man angry, well what do you think
He read my name badge and he growled, ‘Mr Purvis…
The sign on the ceiling says ‘Customer Service’
I’ve worn this suit one time and washed it as many
It’s shrunk and it’s pink so have you got any
I need a new suit and I need it today
And do not tell me you expect me to pay
But make sure you get me one that will not fade
Or it will be me who ain’t gonna get paid
I said I will take your address if I may
And also your name; we’ll deliver today
I joked that pink suits him, he wanted no banter
He gave me his details… “Lapland” and “Santa”
26 November 2022
Contest: Write A Christmas Poem
Sponsor: Constance La France
Okay, for Christy, who I could never refuse;
Do you have to be fat to have a large intestine?
I'm afraid to ask what kind of dance they do in Lapland.
Dripping pan- a pan that leaks.
Is a plebeian a female striving to join a gay organization?
Quibble and Bits- arguing with the grocer over the price of dog food.
Subhuman- a sailor on a submarine.
Monkey wrench- forcefully pulling a chimpanzee that is holding on to it's cage.
Betty Crocker- a woman who's cookbook if filled with pathological lies.
Prodigy- a young person exceptionally talented at poking people with a stick.
Probate- a lure to attract professional roaches.
Owls
Through the
Lapland snows
See Santa hug
Children’s wishes in festivals of joy
Reindeer wait in barren birch through long nights
For Aurora
To string lights
In Jule
Fire
11-26-20
Picture #3
Contest: Tetractyrs #6
Sponsor: Eve Roper
To promote my new Christmas short story!
now i've gone and done it,
I've written a story
You can come along and listen,
Just like jackanory
its down in the cellar
right under the vaults
with typos galore
that's one of my faults
its a rollicking tale
of a Christmassy bloke
of reindeer and elves
and north polian folk
its not for the squeamish
cos things are not well
up there above lapland
where the elvish do dwell
will Christmas be doomed
by Machiavellian ****
there's one way to find out
Come along to "Chrexit"!
There came a Leopard in a form of cat
And pur Zeus did as the Dali pet that
Cute kitten, Cassiopeia said at last
While Cepheus questioned
what the dear had in mind…
.
Ruchbah rode with her gleaming knows
Seeking peace in the LapLand groves
But there, what she came to find
Was a change of name for the same of her kind.
Counting sheep and milking cow
She turned to the Ram wondering how
The Pleiades could have left her out…
.
Taurus came and to him she ran
The reindeer games where no longer fun
She was about to come around Orion
When she saw the club that struck the Lion…
so she rolled to shadow
and she LepTus on by,
turning to the right, and up the Gemini…
.
Sirius.ly… that was close. Custos almost
thought but not quite, made a mess I say…
Then Messier came to save the play.
Guardian of the Harvest.
Plate 2
The reindeer and Santa proceed at a canter
On a sleigh made of magical wood
They’ve gone to fill shelves with gifts made by elves
For all the kids that have been good
At home in the grotto, the elves are all blotto
They found where the whisky was hid
Then looked for some brandy to drink themselves bandy
And that’s just what most of them did
They had lots of banter about Mr Santa
And the sign that was hung on his door
They started debatin’ and renamed him Satan
And then started drinking some more
Stood in the corner like Little Jack Horner
An elf peed all over the wall
He tried higher squirting, but soaked all the skirting
Cos elves are not terribly tall
The door opened wide and who stepped inside
But Santa with Rudolph in tow
Poor Rudolph looked sad, he clearly felt bad
He’d just eaten bright yellow snow
Behind him poor Cupid stood there feeling stupid
It was she who had peed in the snow
She knew it was risky, but filled up with whisky
She had nowhere else she could go
Then Santa saw bottles all scattered around
The brandy and whisky expired
There’s booze splashed about so he kicked them all out
‘Get lost cos the lot of ya’s fired’
The sleigh without Santa began to meander
It wouldn't fly straight as it should
In Lapland they nicked it, in quicksand they ditched it
So Christmas is done for for good
somewhere far away
in the middle of vast trees
under polar lights
winter starts to show
the dark face but with light eyes
~snowflakes falling down~
someone in Lapland
is preparing a huge sleigh
for special reindeer
to have a long trip
spreading happiness around
~from Santa Claus home
a humble cabin
in a magical dream land
full of glee to share
the season's wishes
~miracles wrapped as presents~
It is Christmas time!