Blotto In the Grotto
The reindeer and Santa proceed at a canter
On a sleigh made of magical wood
They’ve gone to fill shelves with gifts made by elves
For all the kids that have been good
At home in the grotto, the elves are all blotto
They found where the whisky was hid
Then looked for some brandy to drink themselves bandy
And that’s just what most of them did
They had lots of banter about Mr Santa
And the sign that was hung on his door
They started debatin’ and renamed him Satan
And then started drinking some more
Stood in the corner like Little Jack Horner
An elf peed all over the wall
He tried higher squirting, but soaked all the skirting
Cos elves are not terribly tall
The door opened wide and who stepped inside
But Santa with Rudolph in tow
Poor Rudolph looked sad, he clearly felt bad
He’d just eaten bright yellow snow
Behind him poor Cupid stood there feeling stupid
It was she who had peed in the snow
She knew it was risky, but filled up with whisky
She had nowhere else she could go
Then Santa saw bottles all scattered around
The brandy and whisky expired
There’s booze splashed about so he kicked them all out
‘Get lost cos the lot of ya’s fired’
The sleigh without Santa began to meander
It wouldn't fly straight as it should
In Lapland they nicked it, in quicksand they ditched it
So Christmas is done for for good
Copyright © Terry Flood | Year Posted 2018
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