Blotto In the Grotto

The reindeer and Santa proceed at a canter On a sleigh made of magical wood They’ve gone to fill shelves with gifts made by elves For all the kids that have been good At home in the grotto, the elves are all blotto They found where the whisky was hid Then looked for some brandy to drink themselves bandy And that’s just what most of them did They had lots of banter about Mr Santa And the sign that was hung on his door They started debatin’ and renamed him Satan And then started drinking some more Stood in the corner like Little Jack Horner An elf peed all over the wall He tried higher squirting, but soaked all the skirting Cos elves are not terribly tall The door opened wide and who stepped inside But Santa with Rudolph in tow Poor Rudolph looked sad, he clearly felt bad He’d just eaten bright yellow snow Behind him poor Cupid stood there feeling stupid It was she who had peed in the snow She knew it was risky, but filled up with whisky She had nowhere else she could go Then Santa saw bottles all scattered around The brandy and whisky expired There’s booze splashed about so he kicked them all out ‘Get lost cos the lot of ya’s fired’ The sleigh without Santa began to meander It wouldn't fly straight as it should In Lapland they nicked it, in quicksand they ditched it So Christmas is done for for good