Best Jove Poems
In years gone by, folks didn’t like to say
God’s name to show surprise or great dismay,
and so you would hear “Goodness,“ “Gol” and “Gee,“
and also euphemisms for J.C.
Jiminy Cricket! Doesn’t that sound nice?
Jeepers Creepers, Jason Crisp or Cheese and Rice?
Godfrey Daniel! Surely you know that
is slang for God and “God rot it” is “Drat!”
“Oh my gosh,” “My goodness,” or simply “Lord”
replaced expletives that today come poured
from mouths of kids who can’t be mannerly
to just say “Leapin‘ Lizards“ or “Golly Gee!”.
You’ll hear (for damning something with God’s name),
“Dag nabbit” and “Dad gum.” They might seem tame
but fit the bill and give us a small thrill!
But dang it, why would someone say “Sam Hill?”
Words from the Holy Bible we enjoy
employing when we say Holy Moley,
Holy cow, Judas Priest (but WAIT!)
For Pete’s Sake! How did Judas ever rate?
Great Scott, there’s even Jumpin’ Jehosophat!
How the HECK did they ever come up with that?
By Jove, I’m nearly finished. Now pretty please. . . .
Instead of using Christ’s name, just say Jeeeeez!
Written July 26, 2015
'Twas a dark and stormy night on that dark and stormy night!
HMS Blunderbuss plied the billowing seas just off the Isle of Wight!
Able Seaman Steer manned the helm when dead ahead he saw the light!
He woke the snoozing Officer of the Deck to apprise him of their plight!
Captain Ironbottom (who happened to be in the 'head') was duly alerted!
He dashed to the bridge in his drawers to ensure that disaster was averted!
"By jove!" he cried, "Her Majesty's ships turn aside for no one, I say!"
He grabbed the radio, "Ahoy there! Turn east 15 degrees! Out of my way!"
From out of the ozone a voice retorted, "Suggest you turn west 15 degrees!
I'll not change course for anyone, so heed my warning if you please!"
"This is Captain Ironbottom of the HMS Blunderbuss!" he thundered back!
"I know the rules of the road! Turn now or I'll see you hung from the rack!"
Able Seaman Steers' eyes grew as large as saucers knowing not what to do!
Communication between the captain and the mysterious light was turning blue!
As the distance narrowed between them, neither would give a nautical mile!
The white-knuckled Officer of the Deck was turning pale with a sickly smile!
"This is Captain Ironbottom again! Are you challenging Her Majesty's might?"
"Yes sir" was the reply, "You see, this is the light house on the Isle of Wight!"
Today the mighty HMS Blunderbuss rusts upon the Isle of Wight's rocky shoal.
Captain Ironbottom faded into oblivion due to the folly of his last patrol!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
The human skeleton,
is made up of 206 bones
By jove, they are hard,
as if made of stones!
The brain you think with
is in the Skull or Cranium,
the Maxilla and the Mandible
are for chewing bubble gum.
It's atop the spine
which has 33 Vertebrae in all
You're sure gonna break it
if there's a nasty fall.
The 12 pairs of ribs
act just like a big ring,
while 10 fix to the Sternum
the bottom 2 are Floating.
The shoulder blade or the Scapula
is joined with the Clavicle
How they organize the movement
Is another spectacle.
The arms have the Humerus,
the Radius and the Ulna,
The hands' have wrist bones
called Carpals (not made in China).
With Metacarpals and Phalanges
we complete our hand,
don't you forget the lower limbs,
upon which we stand.
The hip bones make the Pelvis
from which the Femur originate
If you gyrate it like elvis
the Patella is sure to break.
Tibia and Fibula
are there in the Shin
The Tarsals and Metatarsals
shape your feet as it's seen.
Our journey ends here
Let me take your leave,
Take good care of your bones
for as long as you live.
Love too great can drown the one adored.
As if Jove sent tsunami as a gift
Overwhelming all her personal choice.
Little offerings gentle and deserved
Will not frighten either be too swift
Love too great can drown the one adored.
Speaking kindly as we find our voice
Not shouting love, when we ought to desist
Overwhelming other’s personal choice.
At other times a lover’s been devoured
By that selfishness, we’re not impressed
Love too great can drown the one adored.
God alone can speak in such a voice
By his truth, all other is expressed
Overwhelming, merciful and right
Eros, selfish, sacred, who resists?
Keep your love in bounds, may it be blessed
Love too great can drown the one adored.
Overwhelming all their personal, unique worth
On a dusky evening long time ago,
When shadows huddled at every corner,
When rain had gone and birds had roosted,
You held me close and whispered in my ear;
“In your eyes I see, the blue of the sky,
In your soul, you hold the depth of the seas,
Love swells, like tides on rise,
My life, I vow, by Jove, never to part”
Your voice, like a tremulous rivulet gurgled,
We stood staring at each other in a warm embrace.
With passion sweet, your eyes glowed.
Like a blue lagoon, they were deep and peaceful.
On your dimpled cheek, a kiss I planted,
A gesture warm with abiding love.
Crisscross lain as warp and weft,
We hoped to weave the garb of life.
Words and deeds that served as balm to the soul!
Still, they repeat, gushing a flurry of thoughts,
But alas! To a far unknown land you fled,
‘From whose bourn, no traveler returns’,
My life has moldered and mildew grown,
Where my Love! Whither have you gone?
Who bid you slink into death’s secret hide?
Why left me to languish in a world of shadows?
Seasons roll and years glide,
Youth has withered and memory fails,
Now I wander through a dim shadowy world.
I feel so trapped and lonely, as twilight grips.
Like embers flickering low, yet stocked by the breath of fire,
I hope, we shall meet one day at the Golden gate,
Where no shadows shall lurk and time shall stay eternal
And silence sparks the language, the ears want to hear.
_______ _____________ _______
When rain is gone and sky gets clear,
When night turns deeper and silence creeps,
I transverse back to that dusky eve,
To retrieve those moments, I sadly cherish!
Watching Homer struggle
to explain how a god wounded by a mortal
cannot die but may thereafter live with minor pain
and the humor when that god
complains to Jove that His supervision of His daughter
is inadequate and His Love too unconditional
while Diomed (or Tydides)
wreaks havoc on the Trojans and Hector
gives it back (in kind)
anatomically correct descriptions
of spears piercing jawbones and groins
sons without fathers hunting and fishing thereafter
alone. Written
amazingly presciently!
as a metaphor for Vietnam (our war)
forgotten consensually
as this generation slips lazily away
to Hades (or kayaks to the huckleberries)
where the lights are always blue, gentian actually,
supper's served at 4 and former adversaries
pass the heavy hanging time playing pinochle (and pool).
We're selling the house to pay the taxes.
Pallas Athena wars among the men
from the axle of her chariot
and Venus is injured by Diomed,
standing in the field of battle where she never should have been,
in her adorable hand.
What has this to do with Solomon in jail.
Not the Jewish king, a black American male,
same thing.
Your children can be failed at school and marched to war.
You can be taxed and sent to gaol for the honor of it.
anyone lived in a pretty how town.
We have no obligation
to perform the Iliad or read poems and even Homer
considers Achilles effete (compared to Hector)
and Odysseus is wrong even when he's right.
Therefore, modern man explores
the mathematics of circles in coordinate planes and their tangents
(when) (once) (soon)
the secret of warp speed is discovered
expansion of the species will be limitless and permanent.
We really thought this was virgin soil
When we sailed upon this land so vast
As we drifted into a secluded cove
Thought we'd stumbled upon the past
Natives sure looked very much like us
But they wore the skimpiest clothes
With only one or two piece coverings
Not a bad looking group by jove
We motioned to them in sign language
We're friendly and we've come in peace
But much to our utter astonishment
They spoke our language with ease
Seems we had stumbled on a sandy beach
On the southwest coast of the state
These natives were actually vacationers
They thought our sailing ship was great
It was really all quite embarrassing
We played dumb and pretended we knew
Said it was our lame attempt at humour
As we thanked them and bid them adieu
So we all got back in our sailing ship
And waved them a fond farewell
We'll never forget our trip to the past
It's a tale for our grandkids to tell
Once upon a time while touring ancient Egypt land,
A frugal auld tourist from the bonny land of Scotland,
Decided the mysterious pyramids he desired to see,
And he demanded to visit them for a very nominal fee!
He repaired to his hotel bar, sat down and ordered a drink.
He needed ample time upon this bold adventure to think.
After downing several tumblers of Gordon's gin and tonic,
He thought, "By jove! A trip by a camel would be exotic!"
He scurried to the local camel rental agency very much areel,
To haggle with the rental feller and strike up a deal,
That would guarantee a care-free trip to the pyramids and back!
An agreeable pact was struck and he gave the man some jack.
Just a few hot and dusty kilometers out of town,
The camel stopped, snorted and lay down!
The irate Scot hailed a traveler heading back east,
Saying, "Send that guy out here to rouse this insolent beast!"
Rubbing his nose and scratching he head he kicked the camel fast!
The hapless camel broke wind with a most resounding blast!
"Aha!" explained the agent, "The problem was easy to unlock!
This old feller had a very serious case of vapor lock!"
Robert L. Hinshaw,CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
My goodness the time's really flying by
Nine o'clock and yet no new poems
Get your bum into gear my dear friend Jack
A new morning has already broken
Try not getting caught with your pants down
Scouts say, “Always Be Prepared”
It's very good strategy for many things in life
Like toilet paper, always have a spare
Maybe writing poetry is a little bit different
It comes from deep down in our soul
If the brain ain't clicking there's not much use
Really difficult to really control
Feeling some movement, hope it's not a doodoo
Think it might be a few rhyming lines
By jove, I do believe a poem is emerging
So everything is gonna turn out fine
Needn't have worried, it's happened before
Last minute poems are the best
Damn problem is they usually don't rhyme
Means I really did fail the test
© Jack Ellison 2015
An ode by Jove
to that old toad
who ate my fish
as I made a wish
and kissed him on the lips
to find my prince.
But alas
he had no crown
so I tossed him down
hard and angry in to the briar
at last I saw him for what he was
just a toad and a liar.
Shh! Scientists can't find us, only natives know
Sauropods survived when dinosaurs went extinct
Cameroon people have spotted us many times
Please help us hide! Our species' future's on the brink!
Email received, confirmed sightings in Cameroon
Scientists meet, to discuss an expedition
To discover such creatures are living today
We must investigate, fact or speculation
Damn! The word has gone out that we may be alive
Guess leaving footprints three-feet wide was not too wise
Researchers are arriving with sonar in boats
Thirty-foot forms in rivers are hard to disguise
We are now underway, West Africa we head
In search of this wonder will these Sauropods show
To capture them on film to learn how they survived
Will they reveal themselves, in their dense jungle flow
The Jurassic Period? They were way off base
They think that was the demise of most dinosaurs
Scientists haven't a clue, but 'tween me and you
My Loch Ness cousin's laughing; he's a plesiosaur
Africa reached, camp set up in the jungle
It's certainly different to Drumnadrochit
Footprints, something big up ahead is closing in
By Jove a Sauropod, i think we've found it
Oh, Dear! I just stepped out of the river to eat
I'm birthing a child and needed to munch some leaves
But I think we've been spotted; this was our last hope
My daughter's our species' last female, I believe
A glimpse through the trees sighting confirmed, Wow! check this
Mother and calf, with not a care in their jungle
How very fortunate we are to witness this scene
We have to leave them alone; this we can't bungle
We now send the co-author tag to John Loving and James Peranteau! Have at it, boys!!
Brutus Iulius Trois Page 03
Grey eyed Brutus was truly a Trojan son
as he attended his father upon a great hunt
Jealous Juno hated this Brutus this Trois
her anger caused his arrow to slay
neither the black boar nor the collared hind
t'was Silvanus the fatal arrow struck
Banished by kindred unfortunate Brutus
abandoned Alba Longa for Chaonia in Greece
In Chaonia Helenus wise son of Priam
while a Grecian slave had gained all of Pyrrhus's property
Andromache, Hector's widow and poor Neoptolemus's crown
in Chaonia Helenus had rebuilt his Troy in the heart of Greece
Alas long dead was Helenus his people left in bondage to Pandrasus the king
once within the walls that were built from Trojan memories
Brutus was welcomed by all men alike
for his skill with sword, his youth, his sorrow
brought him friends from all walks of life.
here seemingly content the Trojan grew older
an acknowledged leader of men.
Up in the heavens upon the high mount
Aquarius the eternal, Jove's sweet faced cup bearer
eldest child of all the Trois, was weeping
unable to don manhood's mantle to save his patrimony
he bemoaned the travails of the surviving Trojans
Venus strode forth to stand before Jove
Ill have you kept the promise that was given
that all Troys children shall have safe harbor
free from Juno's deadly wrath
Yet in Greece in Juno's own land
Trojans live in bondage to her beloved Greeks
with them now is Brutus who Juno hates most
for truly is he a most Trojan son
descended from your own blood.
Aurora arose and answered Aquarius's crys
Look upon Trojan Tithonus and be glad of your youth
Venus how are you wronged
A generation ago Troy was taken by treachery
the survivors separated scattered yet still seem undefeated
My Memnon a king assisted Troy and died a young hero.
Your Aeneas a hero abandoned Troy and died an old king
I do not hear you weep for old Aeneas
Memnon's heirs still wander the wild-lands
homeless, hearth-less waiting for Juno's forgiveness
Brutus Iulius Trois Page 04
Venus hastened to answer Aurora
You still weep for Memnon but where is Memnon's grave?
the squalling Memnonides yearly honor an empty tomb
Immortal Memnon dwells in the hall of slain heroes
disporting himself among the Hesperides
the new guardian of the golden apples
To the sinister of Jove sat Juno
under her aegis her tunic shimmering
with all the bright colors of a peacocks throat
her raucous voice louder than its morning song
many promises were made said Juno
promises to Venus, promises to me
some were kept, some were broken
of those remaining which will Jove keep?
vows to Jove's wife or words to Jove's daughter
Should we ask after another judgment from Paris?
Minerva glared at the other Goddesses
and angrily gave advice to father Jove
Banish these unruly Trojan children
remove them from all the shores they have known
perhaps then peace can be made between us
and the Trojan wars truly ended
Jove stood and there was silence
The Trojans are our children but the Trojans are not children
Venus would you have warriors wear woman's tunics
and hide in their homes as barbaric anarchy reigns
Juno I keep what oaths I may but even I must bow to fates decrees
if life's tapestry were to be unraveled even we would be swallowed by chaos
The unsettled ones will be gathered and scattered to new homes in the wilderness
in the west well protected by wave
lies the isle of giant Albion, Neptune's son
he that was slain by Hercules
to this Isle shall Brutus bring his Trojans
To sleeping Brutus Venus softly came
Greece is no place for a true Trojan
though your cousins shall soon rule here
these last Trojans must begin wandering anew
When Brutus awoke he sent to the Trojans
sent them to hiding, in the deep forest
to houses of shelter, to caves in the hills
then sent he a message to Pandrasus the king
we'd rather die savage beasts than live as tamed pets
we are sons of Troy though Troy is no more
therefore Pandrasus we now take our leave
As Hermes once took to his feathers light,
When lulled Argus, baffled, swooned and slept,
So on a Delphic reed, my idle spright
So played, so charmed, so conquered, so bereft
The dragon-world of all its hundred eyes;
And seeing it asleep, so fled away,
Not to pure Ida with its snow-cold skies,
Nor unto Tempe, where Jove grieved a day;
But to that second circle of sad Hell,
Where in the gust, the whirlwind, and the flaw
Of rain and hail-stones, lovers need not tell
Their sorrows. Pale were the sweet lips I saw,
Pale were the lips I kissed, and fair the form
I floated with, about that melancholy storm.
Joyous rapture awoke sleeping animalistic giant:
carnal, feral, gonadal horniness in deed, when defiant
this primate crossed figurative
paths with a stunning woman
older than a spring chicken freed
via ma hen nah paws van
jealous (of casual suitors),
when I figuratively crossed urban
paths with delectable dame.
This hedonistic mwm veritable tan
tin nab buell lay shun caged in rein
mister experienced euphoric San
ta Claus gifted encounter merely
approached a female stranger ran
king as absolutely beautiful asper
Samson recounted Delilah, Qan
i.e. qualification assurance notification
within this poetic blurb. Pan
dum money yum (does not come close)
upon entering a nan
oh meter times a gazillion equals
scope of super sized ALDI's, every man
woman, and child could be housed.
This supermarket (anchored lan
did at one end of a string of bungle
low slung businesses conveniently kan
struck ted adjacent to popular stores,
which aligned buildings a haven come Jan
ewe weary, these newly constructed
bricks and mortal portals along Ian
eyesed, seen as primary corridor
i.e. Ridge Pike (linkedin with Han
sill and Gretel recently rural gingerbread
cookie cutter communities). Gan
a mead by Jove, said affordably priced
food store noticed as a fan
tass tick location along the driver side
heading towards Limerick, ean
at dark hours within Pennsylvania).
This patron (me) of aforementioned Dan
dee nofrills modestly priced franchise
espied an available card soon after Can
Nudda entered this outsize place
to buy groceries. Another shopper (a bon ban
Joe plucky strung string apetite
slip sans attractive gracefully aged gal) anan