Best Jemima Poems
‘Great Scott, shucks and darn, I’ve gone and lost a shoe’
cursed the elephant followed by ‘this simply will not do!’
‘The blasted thing is far too loose, I should have had it mended!
So, whoever has found my shoe must now be apprehended!
I’ll search all day and through the night, for months if it be needed,
I will not give up the search until I have succeeded.
They cost a mint and are the finest shoes in all the land,
To think someone has got my shoe is a thought I cannot stand!’
The search began with lion Bill who also loved his shoes,
but he had to catch him quick as he was packing for his cruise
‘I do not have your shoe’ said Bill ‘you really are a clot!
For I’m size nine and you’re a twelve, unless you had forgot?’
He searched each house one by one but couldn’t find his shoe,
He even tried Hyena Geoff, Tim the Hogg and all the Zebras too.
None of them had seen his shoe or even had a notion,
But Jemima the Gazelle did suggest a memory potion.
Crocodile Joe mixed him a concoction of the finest,
said ‘this should help you find your shoe or else will help your sinus!’
‘Gee whiz, son of a gun and jumpin’ Jiminy Cricket,
My shoe is at the cobblers shop it says so on this ticket!’
Original version:
Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.
Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.
It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me.
Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know that I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?
Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.
~
My version:
Do phone for a pizza Norman,
since Olga is having a strop.
Then say that I want it delivered,
you’re not going down to the shop.
We’ll have to get Desmond to call in,
the sauna’s beginning to leak.
My microwave’s out of commission;
the hoover’s beginning to squeak.
I must send a text to Jemima.
We may get an email from Max
and when you’ve stopped surfing on Google,
do put some more bumph in the fax.
Now give me some thoughts for our party,
the one at the end of the week.
It’s got to be terribly ethnic,
all ouzo and feta and Greek.
I want to have proper moussaka,
souvlaki that’s straight from the grill,
oregano and fresh coriander,
all drizzled about with some dill.
Oh Norman! For God’s sake kick Olga,
she’s getting me rather un-nerved.
And tell her to open the pizza,
I do want it daintily served.
~
Taken from 'How to Get On in Society@ by John Betjeman for the Copy Cat Contest.
< halloween haunting's
black shoe polish foundation
ruby red lipstick
pillow stuffed under big dress
red white bandana for hair
spatula in hand
eggbeater in dress pocket
pillowcase for loot
daddy's boots causing blisters
aunt jemima memories
Entry For
Paula Sweanson's
Halloween Of Tears Past
GL AL
Tribute To Childhood Memories
Light is awaking,
New dawn is breaking,
A breathtaking morning,
Now faces scream warning!
Spreading lava!
Getting faster!
Eruption!
Destruction!
Shaking!
Taking!
Dark.
(by Jemima Faith Childress)
It all started in kindergarten with cowboys on them
Next came Smokey and the Bandit's Trans Am
Collected a pair Doris Day once wore
Took a pair from the garbage at the curb next door
While most people are Jonesin' I am Sammin'
When night time is my time I can secretly be pajammin'
I have a pair from Frederick's of Hollywood on order
A pair from Taco Bell with their slogan, Make a Run For the Border
An organic pair made out of Poison Ivy, that I will never wear
A pair from my Psychatrist asking is Anybody In There?
From Janet Lee's suitcase in Psycho
A pair with the Gecco from GEICO
A pair I wear only during the NBA season so I can do some dunkin' and slammin'
I am definitely a closet case when it comes to pajammin'
I have a pair directly from the WWE
A pair designed by David Hasselhoff, now that is scary
A Richard Dawson pair from Family Feud
A pair from Nancy Grace with her quote, "Some Other Dude"
A silk pair from the weaves of China
Speaking of weaves, I stole a pair from Aunt Jemima
A pair from Captain D's, they smell like fish, I mean they are really clammin'
Nobody would appreciate a good, solid, living on the edge type pajammin'
Once again I appreciate the night when it arrives
Sometimes I get so excited, it gives me the hives
So where is America's understandin'
I see no get togethers for us who are obsessed with pajammin'
Being Jemima
Aunt Jemima! Who in God’s name
Came up with that name?
Molded polyurethane encasing
Thick sweet amber
You didn’t even think enuf of me
To give me decent clothes
I can do better than smother hotcakes
Take this kerchief off my head, you hear?
I ain’t no maid, no servant, no flapjack topper
Get me off this table and let me be what
I was destined to be, what I’m free to be.
Aunt Jemima. Really. What’s takin’ so long?
8-16-12
When this happened it caught the world off guard
An epic scene, a memory that you could not discard
Who would have guessed these two titans of obesity and tooth decay
Would break so many kid's hearts in such an upsetting way
The loving memories before this you could not forsake
The day Twinkie the Kid battled Captain Cupcake
Toucan Sam would choose sides and give the Kid some twine
Cap'n Crunch would throw his fellow Captain a life line
Fruity Pebbles took one side and Trix Rabbit took the other
Aunt Jemima split sides with Uncle Ben her twin brother
Count Chocula severed ties with his long time friend Tony the Tiger of Frosted
Flakes
Nobody realized how much trouble was started when Twinkie the Kid battled
Captain Cupcake
Now both state their case in front of the FDA
This is to determine who goes and who stays
The Twinkie Kid tells about his spongy outside
Captain Cupcake fires back with his pure chocolate pride
Captain Cupcake mumbles I bet you would get seasick
Twinkie the Kid hears and replies I know a rotund fella like you couldn't control a
lasso or perform horse riding tricks
In the end, they both reconcile and admit trying to outdo one another was a big
mistake
Generations down the road, history will repeat itself with a legendary battle of
belly busters between Twinkie the Kid and Captain Cupcake
Alabaster body of truth
got buried beneath
a dung-key pile of swastika lies
SWAT teams of fascist oppression
swarm the polling places
like hieroglyphic Dead Sea flies
Democracy is locked in a closet,
and minority tears are sorrow overflowing
from a false premise reel faucet
For a few rubles more,
Balaam poli sighs bite their tongue
and don’t say a word
As voting rights get trashed,
Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima voices
never lever get heard
Tongue suppressor is an 'ol ancient Pharaoh trick;
dental floss over the facts,
say freedom diabetes tis how the patient got sick
Sugar coat the ballot Cain process,
put a chocolate high poll tax
to gain pure vanilla power access
Play the cerulean bugle blueberry call of the wild,
tap out the bank accounts in gangsta gutter style
While the cherry cheeks smile ...
knowing that the empty elector jingle reign sound,
from the tongue suppressor vice techniques,
will keep the mute prisoners of hope tightly bound
My best friend, Jemima
She’s in my class at school
She’s not especially pretty
She’s not what you’d call cool
She can’t spell words for toffee
She always gets in late
She’s never got a pencil, but
Jemima’s my best mate
I’m facing a challenge and I’m taking bets
That I can remember the names of my pets
There’s Tommy and Jonnie and Sally and Barry
The one over there I believe might be Harry
Tiddles and Wriggles and Bruno and Gerry
Never stray far from their bestest mate Terry
But Sue, Lou and Nancy, Alberto And Drew
Appear to be loners, a bit like Baloo
That crowd to one side hang around in a gang
But seem to be led by Mei Ling and Chang
Now, can I recall who the rest of them are
I’ll try but they all look the same from afar
Lee, James, Amanda, Frank, Annie and Les
Annabelle, Gilbert, Wilbert and Dez
Sonya, Sam, Lesley-Anne, Mary-Lou, Bess
Stephanie, Bethany, Cuthbert and Jess
Edward and Jedward, Samson and Ben
Zebedee, Gerry-Lee, Timothy, Jen
Josh, Tod and Spartacus, Abbie and Sid
Oliver, Gulliver, Billy the Kid
There’s Tyson and Dyson, and Eric and Jim
And Betty and Hetty, Jemima and Kim
I got them from someone who lives down the road
And carried them all to my humble abode
I needed no crate cos the breeder had bowls
He told me that’s how one should carry tadpoles
The smell of green grass after rain
A silky texture was added to the moisturized air gently touching my skin
Listening to a Bossa Nova and the calming waves
Espresso with a little whipped cream
Cinnamon is sprinkled on top
My dear cat Jemima, meowed
That was her reply to my sneeze
“That music isn't your taste!
What’s the matter with you?”
Someone said over there
“Is that right? Thank you for telling me.”
He might know who I am more than me.
Annie Lander
I never took notice of
Aunt Jemima photo as exploitation
Nothing racial or stereo types (did you)?
All I remember was the sticky bottle
on our kitchen table, next to a stack
a sack of pancakes or bakes :
I wonder who going to take her place
Would it be Rachel Ray, or the pioneer woman?
Black lives matters movement
is cleaning house of justice
and the rats behind the walls is surfacing:
Would poems about Negros race be erasing?
The things we fear most will come upon ya!
Are we making appointment with another riots-- plus death?
Have we any ideas who is attacking our souls
It's like what the Spanish proverb says –
**"Drink nothing without seeing it; Sign nothing without reading it." Quote :**
When words go blind
Tracing one ideas
Would be so hard to recalled
Through darkness one will fumble
Leaving a life of consequences
Visionless:
we cannot save them from the angry wind
I waited and I waited just in case she’d been delayed
I stood there feeling foolish, though I acted undismayed
A movie and some popcorn might have won her pretty smile
And I was very keen and so I waited quite a while
Perhaps she didn’t like the fact I had a missing tooth
I’d heard another one would grow and hoped that was the truth
I hoped to tell Jemima of the money that I’d found…
“Hid my tooth under my pillow and it turned into a pound.”
Jemima, as my girlfriend wasn’t stretching much belief
I didn’t have much money, but I had a lot teeth
Losing one seemed scary, but the outcome could be great
Because, you see, the tooth fairy was paying for our date
But then I felt a flutter as Jemima said “Hello.”
She covered up her mouth and said, “There’s something you should know,
I’ve also lost a tooth and now I’m ugly as a witch.”
I said, “And I’m a warlock but, with all these teeth, we’re rich.”
If you find my lifeless body hanging from a tree,
Know that I have too much to live for,
I am not a fruit that easily grows on trees,
Yet too many trees have fruit that looks like me,
and too many Mamas sobbing hard on their knees,
Knowing that their baby had so much to live for,
Jemima is not my aunt,
Ben is not my uncle,
If you are too busy fighting to keep your belly full
That you have no time to fight to keep my lungs full
I have to let you go
because I have too much to live for,
There is nothing about my blackness that I need to hide,
So you best believe if I’m hanging it was not suicide,
So hear what I’m saying
cause I say it with pride
I have too much to live for.
Parad(em)ise
Dangling from a stolid chandelier of empty shadows
Her threadbare strings attached to vacant promises
Jemima has tried every angle of escape and refuge
Her make up faded and the jester’s façade burrowed
Deep into macabre deluded weather worn charades
She tries to gloss her lips but all she draws is blood
The empty bottle of juniper spirits by her naked thigh
A cannula of channelled happiness on desiccated skin
She powders her limp face in the vapour of a light bulb
Wired on Tungsten filament’s flushed out enlightenment
Beyond reproach and one line closer to a final curtain
She smells the fetid dungeon’s stench within and gags
Draped in the puke’s perfume and sickly acid bilious scent
She walks no further than the seedy river’s edge’s contempt
Offers herself free to the highest bidder and bids farewell
Just as the fairy tale fails to fall on prowling taste’s demise
One lonely taker strikes her bust in one fell swoop at last
Takes her dearest ink pumped skin that spelt ‘Only For You’
06th February 2019