Best Hoses Poems
The White House harbors an orange traitor
Benedict Donald, science-hater
He never met a fact
He didn't try to whack
This prick puts the 'dick' in Dictator!
The obtuse ogre of petty poses
Has imposed on the City of Roses
His troops of lackeys
In unmarked khakis
Masking free speech with tear gas and hoses
Anyone who does not tongue-kiss his shoes
Is fired, or conspired to be 'Fake News'
He has little use
For reason, or truth
Come November, this deadbeat pays his dues!
7/22/20
(the 'City of Roses' refers to Portland, OR, where I live)
Categories:
hoses, anti bullying, community, political,
Form:
Limerick
The old truck hadn't been used in a while,
But it should be good for a few more miles.
Under the hood, the engine was rusty,
And the interior smelled faintly musty.
Assuming it would start--we all wanted to know...
When we put it in gear, would it actually go?
Someone called,"All the tires are flat".
But a little new air would take care of that.
Better get some fuel, since the gauge is on "E".
Wash the windshield, so the driver can see.
No problem to let it coast downhill to the mechanic's shop;
Next question:Are the brakes good enough to make it stop?
The truck was so bad, it had no heater fan.
But the Master Mechanic had a Master plan!
He took it to His shop for the needed repairs.
'Twas quite a long time that He kept it there.
He tinkered, and cut, and removed lots of stuff
Solving problems we had thought were real tough.
He put in new hoses, gaskets, and such.
What a joy to watch His skillful touch,
As He cut away the old to make room for the new.
Finally the day arrived when he was all through.
A great crowd gathered around the shop door,
To behold the new creation, there on the floor!
It was washed up, and pumped up,and all the fluids were filled.
Even the body He had been forced to rebuild.
Fresh paint;new tires;and the engine a'humming.
It was ready to face the world oncoming!
When flaws seem difficult to be fixed by man.
Stand back, and watch the touch of the Master's Hand.
Charlie Pelota
Categories:
hoses, allegory, inspirational, lifeold, old,
Form:
Couplet
Way back then when I was ten,
those were happy days:
Staying out till it got dark;
kickball was the craze!
Taking walks or riding bikes,
how we loved to go
into town, buy some snacks
or see a picture show.
Late at night in the bedroom,
we’d be whispering.
Dad yelled, “Girls, get to sleep!” but
we kept giggling.
Shouts of joy when school was out!
We could all foresee
three months spread with sun and fun -
our short destiny!
Spraying one another with
hoses felt so cool.
Or we’d spend allowance on
Weed Park Swimming Pool.
Baseball, fairs, church camp, and
picnics where we’d meet
cousins, aunts and uncles -
Such times were a treat.
Family vacation meant
in OUR car were ten!
Not too comfortable, yet I’d
do it all again!
In September, back to school
we all had to go.
Halloween, which I loved, was
‘round the corner though.
Then at last, Christmas parties!
Also I was fond
Of sledding over snow or
skating on the pond.
But my fondest memory
was with family
simply eating popcorn with
Sunday night TV.
For Caren Krutsinger's 'Pure Childlike Fun and Enthusiasm' Poetry Contest
Categories:
hoses, childhood,
Form:
Quatrain
A true story....
Well I lived in Sioux City for a little while
Another job site, hubby and I have covered some miles
While there, my mother in law came to visit
She drove Elvira, the biggest Buick ever made
No doubt about it!
I drove mom around to see the highlights
If you've been there, you know there's nothing but corn in sight
Suddenly the cars in front of us started to slow
Wondering which way around this pillow they needed to go
Well some went left and some went right
Some straddled over it and seemed alright
Mom said baby, it will be OK
Just drive right over it
Elvira won't notice anything in her way
I lined up perfectly and over we went
Thought I'd made it until visions were sent
Into the rear view mirror of down floating everywhere
And it wasn't pleasant!
I could see people on the sidewalks laughing, I pretended not to care
As millions of feathers floated through the air
Really embarrassed I drove on about one hundred feet
Then Elvira stopped dead right there in the street
Somehow the drive train had caught the cotton cover
Ripping it to shreds, wrapping it round and round so tight
Until it killed the engine dead
Now I know God works in mysterious ways
But He proved it for sure this very day
In a parking lot next to where Elvira had died
Was a complete race car driver's pit crew - no lie!
An 18 wheeler with trailer in tow
Guys dressed in uniforms, patches aglow
With traffic backing up behind us
They came over to see what was all the fuss
I said spitting feathers out of my mouth
I really don't know, I'm from down south
They opened their trailer and out came the jacks
Air hoses and tools, they got down on their backs
From under the car I heard laughter and jokes
They'd seen cars stopped by everything but a pillow!
Well I thanked them and shook each and every hand
They wouldn't accept money, said the entertainment was grand
I often wonder who they were and if they remember Elvira and the pillow in Iowa land....
©Donna Jones
Categories:
hoses, humorous, life, car,
Form:
Free verse
The fire brigade are on standby
With their hoses in their hand
For today it is my birthday
My birthday cake is on a stand
There are so many candles
It is a health and safety risk
So be ready with the hoses guys
And make sure you get here quick!
Any poem written on your birthday contest
Sponsored by Laura loo
25th January 2015
Categories:
hoses, birthday, humorous,
Form:
Free verse
I yelled and flung the empty whiskey bottle through the air
The marching high school band is getting closer
Children running, playing with the pygmy bear
The carny selling snake oil, argues with the grocer
Soldiers marching past the fountain try hard to hide their stares
as ladies of the night walk by and boldly strut their wares
The preacher turns the other cheek, and quickly looks away
As mothers hide their children’s eyes, on such a dreadful day
The hunchback and the midget playing baseball on the grass
run off the growling rabid dog that almost bit their ass
The fishermen pull up their anchors in the dark and tranquil bay
and sail off to their secret place, where mermaids swim and play
The doctors and the lawyers and their limo drivers too
lay drunk across their tables in the dimly lit saloon
The one eyed hooker sings aloud her favorite Country tune
As the village idiot runs in circles, howling at the moon
And me I’m just here sitting, watching from the bleachers
As children on their outing, yell profanities at their teachers
The firemen turn their hoses on the salesmen trying to sell
Direct TV subscriptions, as the crowds yell “go to hell”.
City lights come alive, the cats desert the streets
The silence of the falling leaves, are gathering at my feet
As I walk past the working men, erecting circus tents
To bring tomorrow’s curious here, to offer new events
Categories:
hoses, fantasy,
Form:
Rhyme
I remember every minute of the first day we met,
It was raining, coming in to the reception you got wet,
At a mutual friend’s wedding, you came with a date,
You sat next to me, this was our destiny and fate!
You flirted outrageously with me from the start,
Love at first sight, cupid’s arrow reaching each heart.
You spilled your red wine on my skimpy evening dress,
You apologised my new dress looked an absolute mess.
But I had to quiet my pulse rate, which I instantly felt,
Cupid was in control, causing my heart to melt.
I fell madly in love that magic filled fascinating night,
I loved you from the moment you came into my sight,
You asked me to dance, I looked at you quizzically,
Oh don’t worry about Mary, you answered instantly,
She wanted to attend a Greek wedding and break plates,
Just a friend, certainly not one of my dates.
You kissed me goodnight on my cheek as we both left,
In my diary that same night I accused you of theft,
You had stolen my heart, my soul, and my senses,
I had let down my guard, there were no more fences.
The following day I got a huge bunch of red roses,
I love you, said the card, I was on fire, no amount of hoses
Could put this girl down, I was in a complete daze,
Everything misty with love, I was walking through haze.
You had to do a three week army camp, no cell phones
Then, so I just had to wait in nether land zones.
What happened we don’t know, to this day ourselves blame,
We were in love, but silly, aren’t all youngsters the same,
We should have got married then, but it took many years
Married, divorced, each with a son, met up with heartfelt tears,
Got married 6 months later, with family and friends present,
A very ecstatic couple, this lady and gent!
Categories:
hoses, love, passion, rose,
Form:
Couplet
I was swimming in the ocean enjoying it so much
I back floated and relaxed with my cousins Mat and Hutch
All of a sudden Mat broke my dreamy thoughts with a scream
The water choppy, he was carried swiftly up stream
Two great whites were fighting over which would eat my poor Mat
So I chased after them and I smacked them with a big baseball bat
Is this human being serious? The biggest shark asked the other
I do not know the other shark replied but she looks like my mother
I am a grandma you dopes I said and I smacked each hard on the nose
This the smaller one said haughtily is not how this kind of shark story goes
So I jumped on his slick back. I bucked, screamed, jabbed, and I kicked
And I punched him and bit him, making him mad; his skin was quite thick
This land polluter is crazy the great whites agreed with some flair
So they gave me my cousin whom they had tossed in the air.
Because I liked it I gave them another bat smack across their noses
She is horrible! The great whites said as I hit them with hoses
Sure I got Matt back but due to those shark bullies he now he had PSTD
His swimming suit was gone, so he was sheepish being nude in front of me
So Hutch and I threw off our clothes and we all swam in birthday suits
But those sharks never came back, so glad they were finally loose
Categories:
hoses, 4th grade, 5th grade,
Form:
Light Verse
Plants swaying, beautiful sky, softest feeling
Clouds crusted in white with gray centers
An unexpected warmth to the air this morning.
Any hope of rain? I peer at the clouds, not knowing.
Decide to lug the hoses around and water my flowers.
A few minutes after I water the lawn, I hear a gentle roar.
Thunder? I am not surprised. Always happens after I water.
Me watering is tantamount to a Native American Rain Dance.
Suddenly I realize what the rumbling sound is.
Garbage truck lifting the large dumpster, every other Tuesday.
Categories:
hoses, native american, rain,
Form:
Light Verse
You endured the fire before the fire,
burning doubt thinking you wouldn't pass the test.
The sweltering summer days carrying heavy hoses,
that some of you firewomen thought you'd never lift.
Alarm bells ringing,
vibrating in your heart,
excited barking of the station Dalmatians.
Hook and ladders,
you steel your newly forged bravery,
quickly get into your gear,
firefighter brothers and sisters.
Communicating in the smoke with a
sixth sense,
was it a buddy or an angel?
Saving the trapped and injured in the
merciless element,
there's no taming the wanton flames.
Your family's love and caring,
waiting for you to come home,
even your dreams afire.
Standing tall another day,
wiping soot off your sweating face,
as God bestows His firefighters a hero's grace. ~
Categories:
hoses, 6th grade, 7th grade,
Form:
Free verse
Weather Alert, Expect Hard Freeze
Miracle Man
October 31, 2023
The weather alert started with a northwest breeze,
and said before morning we’d see a hard freeze.
But this won’t be the earliest freeze I’ve seen,
for it isn’t uncommon to predate Halloween.
The results of this, green leaves will be browned,
and I still had garden hoses laying aground.
Each year I’m slower doing winterizing chores,
Just the thought of winter drives me indoors.
I’ve put things on hold too numerous to mention,
a warm cozy fire always steals my attention.
The furnace must be checked before turning it on,
and all large windows heavy drapes to be drawn.
It’s hard to get motivated feeling chained to a walker,
I guess my main fear is I’m becoming a balker.
Early each morn I have thoughts about writing,
but most thoughts of late aren’t overly inviting.
And Jesus loves me!
Categories:
hoses, jesus, weather,
Form:
Couplet
Burning down all around EVERY LIVING SOUL.
UP IN SMOKE, You choked? That MIRROR YOU KNOW
YOU BROKE? The flames you stoked. UP IN SMOKE.
Not a living soul has an ABODE to call their own. No
HUT NOR HOME. Be stronger than strong sang the playing
Song. Now WHO STIRRED THE VERB? EVERY LIVING
SOUL HEARD THE WORD. "WELL, on the brink of the brim
Of a empty bottle of rum" grunted the sober bum.
HOMELESSNESS ABOUNDS. BURNING DOWN ALL AROUND.
THE FIRES RAGED WITH MORE BLAZE. Then hear the
FURIOUS FLAMES FLICKER AND FIGHT FOR FUEL.
EVERY LIVING SOUL CRIED WITNESSING THEIR FUTURE
DIE.
Up in smoke, cursed the soaring bird. Quenching, down CAME
The crushing DELUGE FROM HOSES, SEEMING to be every
Where in mediocre DOSES.
"THE END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT " said my fine feathered
Friend first to fly.
The end of life as we know it, repeated I, and I AM ON HIGH.
THAT'S THE WORD. AMEN, AMEN AND AGAIN AMEN.
Categories:
hoses, angst, animal, anxiety, bird,
Form:
Alliteration
Yo! Hang wit me and be my boo,
listen to the rap, ya know I’m true.
The streets and alleys’ full of deals,
lay back this ride’s rollin 22 wheels.
No need of sittin around them docks,
lookin at workers just punching clocks.
Cold water’s runnin in my shower stall,
they’re kicking out jams, down the hall.
Lyin on water beds filled by hoses.
What’s that pungent smell in our noses?
Your cap’s on backwards, jeans hug low,
embroidered back pocket, dead friend we know.
Don’t wear that wool, ya know it itches,
just wear tiny G-strings neath yer britches.
Fur-lined boots runnin to the knee,
cheap plastic buckles lookin fine to me.
No belt is holdin your stylish duds.
You keepin them cuffs, out the mud?
So if your feelin what I been sayin,
shack with me baby, I’ll stop playin.
Now the DJ’s scratchin, the joint is jumpin,
lasting till morning trash we’re dumpin.
If this rap represents what you need,
hang wit me baby, we’ll do the deed!
**This is a “Rap” parody of the 24 verse poem “The Passionate Shepherd to his Love.” A
complete version of the original work can be found on www.poetryhunter.com. The effect will
be enhanced if you read them side by side. This parody is reflective of present day life “PER”
the contest rules. Nothing else is intended or implied. JT
Categories:
hoses, parody, me, me, parody,
Form:
Rhyme
Ooh man, life could well
be a bed of roses
If only love alone
sprinkled from the hoses.
If only love flowed like
an endless stream
If only love didn't end
like a dream.
In all certainty, the
antonym of love
plunges you in the bed
of thorns
Much unlike the agile yet
peaceful dove
love grows weeds, rust
and horns!
I so pity the lovelorn, the
lovesick, the forlorn
whose lover flew out
the window last morn
But I know too of pure
loves that outlast the
storms
for one, they didn't
begin in high school
dorms.
They weren't
instantaneous and
impulsive loves for sure
Less whimsical,
and within the bounds
of the marital bond
their love tis bound to
endure.
In conjugal bliss's
hammock
fickle lovers cannot rock.
For without holy
matrimony
Is merry go round love's
agony
Categories:
hoses, love, marriage,
Form:
Tail-rhyme
Oh say can I see
By the big florescent lights
Once so proudly now has fell
Fell into reality?
Fell into right?
Fell into a time where there should have never been a fight!!
With ’In God We Trust ' printed on every dollar.
But God got kicked out so Columbine became the shocker.
But was it also ' In God We Trust ' when we failed to see nothing but color?
With the hoses put down,
and Dr King no longer around,
is ‘The Dream’ still being reached?
Is it a sign that the first homes we see
are no longer a possibility?
When the Towers came down,
we were 'United we Stand'
But when gas prices rose it was,
“You're on your own, man!”
‘A penny saved is a penny earned,’
is from the man that first helped us try to learn.
But when we stopped asking what our country can do for us,
is that the time when the table turned?
Now that Rosa will no longer be on the bus,
I wonder who will now take that seat for all of us.
With Miss America in the cast,
when will we ever see Miss Disability last?
What happened to the times of ‘I am not a crook’,
it took a back seat to the Man who wrote the Book.
And the rockets red glare,
with bombs still bursting in the air,
is it wrong to fight for the night
when our children’s children will still be there.
Categories:
hoses, grief, history, humorous, introspection,
Form: