Best Gastric Poems
Lurking in fuzzy leftovers is seen
A quivering, crawling hairball of green
A florescent prune
Or cheese from the moon
Gurgles gastric, plastic alien spleen
The miser squire requires gluts of caffeine
To dissect this science project's gangrene
Harpoon on a spoon
Zoom to the saloon
Lunch ladies' supreme mystery cuisine.
3/15/19
For Green Humor contest
Sponsor: Carolyn Devonshire
Categories:
gastric, food, funny, nonsense, science
Form:
Limerick
Rancid lemon rope squeeze
around a rotten tomato neck tie,
crooked odor bow hanging out of place
Acid reflux raisin tax bleed;
dripping spoiled, milquetoast lies
out a sour-twisted, prune puckered face
Tart tongue
sulfur speak disorderly,
dirty saliva fingers in the propaganda pie
Such a bowel movement disgrace
Bottom rung
bung opening vault key
Onion groans ... chittering fermented cry
Boot-licking patent leather taste
Smells like government to me,
corrupt as can be
Dung pile of voter promises,
sits atop a pungent idol landfill heap,
swarming with stinking lip flies
Smells just like reeking government gluttony —
O beast behavior ...
swine odor, foul as can be
Swindle spit vapors perfidiously wafting,
kindle the vomit pit
Sewage waste material ash labors fanning,
can you stand the stench of it?
Smells like dead paper figurehead
government to me
Bait-and-switch fishy business ...
close your eyes,
what does your nose see?
Tainted meat polltry speech,
pluck the purse feathers
off the cable perched pigeon bodies
Smells like government
is about to make a putrid, baked-in story
Made up facts ... maggot video feed
Stale, bureaucratic policy hard rolls
warmed over twice
Buttered late with expired date lies
Served with a cloying cup
of steaming sound-byte coffee:
Substitute truth ... false sugary
Toilet swirl coffin cake,
gutter floss the oral cavity
Bad breath vows made,
garbage hope nobody needs
Government smells
like a morgue dog in heat
Very omit cadaver, obit disgusting
Smells like
a pot of burning bones
on a boil
Bottom lip scum
rising to the top
On a truthful breath: Let me tell you,
it stinks an awful lot
Smells like scurvy government to me,
corrupt as base bribery can be
The lobbyist rats are scarfing down
the moldy green government cheese,
so silver spoon tongue greedily
Nothing like some regurgitated split-pea pleas
to hit the decaying belly ballot gastric spot
Can you make a federal case
of this rank-and-foul flatulent republic rot?
Categories:
gastric, corruption, satire, truth, word
Form:
Burlesque
Purple leather turtles
Smoking hippy rats
Gastric glands
Secrete Orange Juices
Leave my stomach
Swim in land.
Cauliflower hairy clouds
Pouring purple rain,
Heavy inches
Salt dry water
Sad the clown
Drowns again.
Mushroom confusion
Stop long haired ants,
Angry bitten leaves curse
Paparazzi popping plants.
Slow feline drivers
Married canine sky divers,
Jump outside
Hot left shoe.
Cell phone starts ringing
Soprano liver singing
Strange writings
Because of you.
Hush rush
Drink liquid Ink
Flamingo thoughts
Dream is pink,
One pill
Black rainbows will
To purposely get lost.
Categories:
gastric, imagination,
Form:
Rhyme
Modern Vanity
tracks
weaves
hair color
fingernails
manicures
pedicures
inflated buttocks and lips
sculptured hips
workout
aerobic
liftup
tuckin
sixpacks
jog
rotate
walk
perspire
maintain
get that body
night masks
contour sticks
Facetime
Facebook
facelift
Instagram
Twitter
tummy tucks
lap bands
gastric by-pass
designer clothes
sports cars
convertibles
Teslas
toupees
tattoos
Men’s Club
blue pills
anything else?
7/18/17
Facebook and Twitter are creating a vain generation of self-obsessed people with child-like need for feedback, warns top scientist.
Categories:
gastric, life, today,
Form:
Free verse
when he spoke
words broke like glass between his teeth
14 minutes past 8PM 7 weeks after the red river
in his brain ran almost dry
he the acidic and sullen shadow of his youth
turned to me
(one side of his face a landslide of flesh
frozen into freefall
thus i won't mimic the inarticulate sound of it)
look after your mother
and my ten year old self nodding
wishing i were not there
then she who had married this man to protect her
plus one boychild from a condemning Catholic family
and a rabid priesthood
having thus become a widow at 37
being only 5 feet high in her pumps
also as slim as a whippet
turned to drink dying quickly of a gastric ulcer
never mind her failing liver
no wonder
i turned out more angular then an open razor
biting every hand that fed body and mind
thinking that same hand would one day turn against me
as it usually did
but i unable to stop my breakneck race to personal destruction
until poetry found me wandering a bitter earth
it entering my soul one turbulent night wailing like
a hungry infant which i fed and carried for years
not knowing i needed it much more than it needed me
and so
we ate broken glass together until
words bled into red flowers floating upon a river
that flowed through my brain
Categories:
gastric, poetry,
Form:
Free verse
I never overcame your departure brothers
since then
my feet walk crippled
the kidney only filters half of the residues
my heart partially collapsed
and beats insufficiently
the gastric juice became acid
and corrodes the sweetness of dreams
the bronchial airways are carbonized
and emit a roaring echo
the neurons lost
innumerable synapses
when dying necrotic
but here I am with my soul
regenerating light
so that the guide with the candle
calms my rumble of jungle
Categories:
gastric, death, loss,
Form:
Free verse
Leftovers galore
Just means less trips to the store
Gastric overload
Categories:
gastric, food,
Form:
Haiku
So many irksome dilemmas in life can be cured by simple solutions.
All are not necessarily fixed by the latest technological revolutions.
To remedy the many vicissitudes that rain down upon myself,
I grab that handy box of lowly baking soda reposing upon the shelf!
This simple, innocent looking stuff is good for many uses,
Including easing the pain of little kneesies that easily bruises.
'Tis useful for sweetening reeking walking shoes and garbage cans,
For shining silver and rejuvenating blackened pots and pans!
Even my inscrutable cat begins to purr a mile "purr" minute,
When I freshen his litter box by sprinkling baking soda in it.
If my auto picks up that scourge of the road, the dreaded tar,
Baking soda is just the thing for tidying up the car!
Why should I pay a plumber to unplug the clogged-up drain,
When a dollop of baking soda will the same results obtain?
It can be used as a toothpaste for making choppers look smarter,
Whitening them and controlling that nefarious tartar!
I've found that after my all too frequent sprees of gluttony,
That only a dose of baking soda relieves my gastric agony.
Its use for indigestion docs would discourage or even squelch.
Fiddle Faddle! I find instant relief in one humongous belch!
Categories:
gastric, funny
Form:
Rhyme
All aboard the conductor roared
Gripping the puce spruced rolling caboose
At starboard some people snored
While shaking loose foul gastric juice
But to port was a snort
From a piebald plump pig doing a jig
Only to thwart a one legged dwarf
From kissing a prig with a long twisty wig
In the middle was a fiddle
At the bar a guitar
And little by little
A freight car cigar
Was smoked by a Pope
Who drank sixty short whiskeys
And licked soap on a rope
Got tipsy and frisky
Swooned in the saloon
With a woozy auld floozy
Playing a tune to the moon
That was groovy and bluesy
Categories:
gastric, humorous,
Form:
Light Verse
Consultation Room
Our organs we disdain
Until we have some pain
Then begin to learn
Let organs respect earn!
There’s this red “bean”
Fond of giving a spleen
Pith can suffer “cones”
They call kidney stones.
Maligned cirrhotic livers
Afflict with painful fevers
You may relish one of sheep
Yours gives scant sleep!
“You’ve got a Big Heart.”
Then think you’re smart!
There’s fire in the chest
You would hardly rest.
Diseased swollen lungs
Give the worst pangs
You sweat all over night
Yet shiver with frost bite.
When eyes are in pain
They see lightning and rain
The Pain eyes can lodge
You wish them to disgorge.
Not least a swollen ear
Which no sound will hear
It gnaws into your soul
Leaving you an empty bowl!
“Labour, to an aching tooth
“is nothing, I tell the truth!”
“You’re good wif no teef
“Than wif cyst underneaf!”
Cancer of the prostate-
Who would aptly relate
The worst of all the worse
It is a pure human curse!
Those who eat so well
Call gastric ulcers real Hell
Once a morsel you partake,
Writhe like a dying snake!
And, cancer of the cervix
Has Pain with no prefix!
The sick that you nurse
Suffer agony like a curse.
*
Whoever is now healthy
Is confirmed as wealthy
Organ treatment or care
All our efforts must dare.
Correct thy eating habit
Potential throe will inhibit
Work till you sweat
Disease spurns the heat.
Substance use or abuse
Condemn it and accuse
Cancers that we endure
Come from deals impure.
Regular checks are noble
To detect what may wobble
“And rectify the setback
“That’ll get ya out o’ track!
*** Upon spending a sleepless night with a malignant lung (13/11/2013).
JM
14th Nov’ 2013
Categories:
gastric,
Form:
Couplet
A racist white man’s vehicle broke down
in the middle
of the blackest pride side of Motown
He scratched his red neck double chin
in Appalachian drawl dismay;
perplexed at having a little Aryan problem
of not being “Black Tie Members” insurance covered,
to get his big, blanco Hemi pickup
towed away
It was hot as an Alabama cotton-picking afternoon
this particular Detroit July morning
He didn’t wanna have to call his best buddy,
Billy Bob for help,
and end up paying double the repair cost ...
Plus getting cussed out
for not not having no beer for a frosty suds favor situation
Fortunately, a kind Haitian couple, and their Fu Manchu
mustached Mexican friend stopped ...
and Good Samaritan darkie-style helped him out
Ricky Joe talked weather and sports ... friendly small talk,
but mostly he was pew quiet as a mouse in his church
When time came to part ways, and Ricky Joe had to thank them
with thick, German chocolate gratitude ...
he nearly fainted from melanin love exhaustion
Some neapolitan rumors said
he had a merry blackberry charity heat stroke
This darkly faint imposition caused Ricky Joe
to be brought to the nearest minority renown hospital,
by way of a Sikh-owned ambulance,
in critical condition
The attending nurse was a graduate school native Indian guy
A nice, Asian lady doctor hands-on treated Ricky Joe,
but the shock was too much for his mind to Jim Crow
RJ had a cardio meltdown: blown gastric Slim Jim,
when he opened his eyes and saw her smiling at him ...
Cardiac arrest Manila handcuffed his chest,
as he tried to stifle the fear his Hillbilly best
RJ had a Very Vanilla short recovery stay:
He was carried out in a black hearse,
driven by an Arab fella, urban rumors say
Categories:
gastric, humorous, parody, racism, wisdom,
Form:
Light Verse
Cats are containers of
colorful personality.
A blue cat sits alone
looking at the floor before him.
His mind blank as,
a new sketchbook;
waiting for the artist within to,
paint him into a clown.
Red cats rage against life’s storms
and invaders in their yard.
Birds, squirrels and mice fear
the wrath of a red cat;
sharp teeth and claws are swift when,
propelled by a red paw.
Yellow cats have a tendency
to leave surprise gastric gifts
on your carpet, as much as possible;
always apologizing with their pale,
jaundiced eyes.
The green cat personality is rare.
You’ll find them holding it all in
until they get to that litter box.
Green behavior warrants a private box,
along with a nice treat.
Green cats, can’t stand a stench
and will scratch litter for hours
to slay a screaming smell.
The purple cats
see every opportunity for affection
and milk it.
Love emanates from their bones
and cuddling is what they do best.
When purple cats offer a hug,
you cannot resist.
Beware the polka-dotted cat!
A love bite will quickly become
piercing claws;
shredding an arm in seconds.
Pink cats are Coveted cats.
Children love pink cats
and carry them everywhere.
Their serene and constant purring
sings you to sleep, ever so gently.
A pink cats love is never-ending.
The rainbow personality,
is the comedian of all cats.
Light to dark and red to yellow;
the court jester of the species.
these side-splitting, laugh factories,
will never allow you to be bored.
Keep a camera handy;
rainbow cats are usually,
fabulous video celebrities
Categories:
gastric, animal, cat, metaphor, pets,
Form:
Light Verse
When the world won’t let me be,
And religion just screams.
And everyone keeps telling me,
What they think I ought to think.
And by the looks of things,
I don’t think I want their version of peace.
Peace doesn’t blame,
Peace doesn’t shame,
Peace doesn’t scream,
Peace doesn’t always look the same.
And from what I’ve seen.
Peace can’t be summed up by your latest religious meme.
You see,
Truth isn’t always what you wish it to be.
It stands alone
And doesn’t rely at all on me.
You see,
Peace sometimes wields a sword.
Yet sometimes offers the other cheek.
You see,
Peace can’t be purchased with modern dime store democracy.
Can’t be controlled,
With shiite theocracy.
Or with bible belt hypocrisy.
Can’t be contained by your good deeds of mediocrity.
Although your store bought Botox smile may look down on me,
The gastric bypassed mindset,
May only see what it wants to see.
First world problems,
Of the “plantation’s” convenience,
Never solved the issues of humanity.
You hole up in your ivory tower.
Telling me I need to shower.
You’re hoping that you’re sin’s well hidden.
Refusing to attend
The feast to which we’ve all been bidden.
You find it quite embarrassing,
That I wear my sin out on my sleeve.
Open for all the world to see.
You see,
I’m trusting in the One that covers me.
His strength/my weakness.
That’s my building block of peace.
You see,
The Drummer in this band I seek?
He metronomes a different beat.
It lights my path and guides my feet.
And if it’s all the same to thee...
I’ll march a different road to Peace.
Categories:
gastric, america, community, corruption, how
Form:
Rhyme
when it comes to food my biggest gripe
is how anyone can eat disgusting tripe,
lining of the stomach of ruminant cows
gastric juices of mine would not arouse,
if I was served this awful food on a plate
I would decline this just couldn’t be ate,
when it’s cooking can’t stand the smell
like something eaten by someone in hell,
tripe is not a delicacy for rich or poor
serve me rubbish I’ll show you the door.
01/08/2018
Contest my blue cheese is
Sponsored by Kevin Shaw.
Categories:
gastric, food, hate,
Form:
Rhyme
The mental stumble,
And gastric rumble,
And clumsy fumble,
Uncalled for grumble,
And frequent mumble,
All while you bumble
Through life boldly
And getting oldly.
Categories:
gastric, funny,
Form:
Verse