Best Funnylost Poems
My friend Meg was leaving for a week-long vacation
And struggling hard to provide for her congregation:
With a horse, two dogs, one cat and a bird
You might as well say she had a whole herd
I arrived just hours after Meg made her escape
To find yellow feathers all over her cat’s face
One dog had dug a hole ‘neath the backyard fence
The remaining Rottweiler growled angrily on the offense
Out in the barn a horse was giving birth to a colt
So I tried to call her vet but was placed on endless hold
I attempted to reach Meg; her cell phone was off
“Don’t feel defeated,” I chided myself with a scoff
A circus was in town and gypsies answered my cry
Now from their trapeze, I often fly quite high
Luckily Meg’s fine horse needed no birthing aid
And the bearded lady got the Rottweiler caged
The missing dog returned, at least that’s what Meg said
She claimed to understand how I had simply lost my head
But as she hurled balls at me, sitting on the dunking bench
Meg muttered words I didn’t know (they sounded French)
The clown suit fits just fine and at least I’m not confined
In the sanitarium for pet sitters who’ve surely lost their minds
* For Sharon Tidewell's Pet-Sit Panics Contest
As I look away to no longer see into your eyes my heart now looks else where
not to replace you not to move on just to be with a love I fell for long ago
unlike you I fill complete with this love as if we never said good bye
and when my love came back I knew I needed to be there,
lost for months with out my love I knew some thing was missing
my days were long my nights seemed lost as if I was without
now I know that will no longer be I am now complete
the sun will shine the bright moon will be raising,
please don,t cry it's betters way it's meant to be
this love... so true...unlike no other out there
our love?...you knew this day would come
see I was lost and need to be set free,
sorry I'll miss you please stand tall
dry your tears, raise your head
please forgive but you know
I LOVE FOOTBALL!
I’ve been on every diet known to man
Atkins, Lemonade, Cabbage and f-plan
And I’ve never lost a thing worthy of mention
But I try every new one, full of good intention
Now I'm on the Whisky diet, which I’m taking steady
And do you know I've lost three days already.
Marbles...I think that I've lost them,
Please help me search on the floor.
The last clue I had has disappeared,
And bolted it out of the door.
I once had a plot, now I've lost it,
God Darn!! The stress is too much.
When I try to explain, my words mess up,
And I frequently talk double Dutch.
I'm sick of the sight of my cock ups!
An insaneness that’s totally unique.
I just need a clue, no idea what to do,
I'm beginning to think I'm a freak.
I question my own sensibility,
My rare and treasure trait?
What’s going on, my heads in a mess,
How much more can I possibly take!
In hindsight I spose it's expected,
As I’m fast approaching my prime.
Tropical moments and mood swings,
I’m coming back as a man next time!!
©.L.Kelly
I finally did it , I lost my mind ,I can't find it cause I went blind
I'm fifty one cards short of a deck .I lost my leg around my neck
I'm one testical short of a nut,and one hole short of my own butt
with all this right in my life all I need is another wife
I'm two smiles short of a grinn , I'd grow a beard but I can't find my chin
I walk out of rytham cause I couldn't find a ryme ,
I did find a felony but it wasn't mine
A mind is a terrable thing to waist, I'd eat it but I don't like the taste
you may think i'm crazy ,but I thought I went mad
either way I lost the only mind I thought I never had
James.............................................
I suppose the musings that I shall immortalize upon this page,
Will make it somewhat easy for folks to estimate my age.
But o'er the years it has become very plain to me,
That some things just ain't the same as they used to be!
The times they are a-changin', that I can understand.
Many dandy contrivances have overwhelmed the land.
Most are great for the conveniences that each brings,
But the things whereof I speak are common, everyday things
The lowly hamburger for example, has lost its old-time taste.
Today, you're served a thin, frozen patty prepared with haste!
Haircuts, neck shaves and powder were usual in a barber's chair.
Now, a "hair stylist" creates a disaster with my graying hair!
The cola I savored as a lad has lost its nose-tingling fizz.
A "new and improved" potable was brewed by some college whiz.
How I relished a milkshake made in a shiny Hamilton Blender.
Now, a soft ice cream concoction is the best they can render!
We've forgotten simple phrases like "thank you" and "please."
And "excuse me" used to be proferred with such gracious ease.
Now, I'm all for real progress, I most heartily proclaim,
But, consarn it! Too many simple things just ain't the same!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)
"You really shouldn't park your white horses next to my Subaru."
"Rain? Rain? Are you listening?"
She picked her sleepy head off the teller's desk,
Her hair cascading over her cheeks.
"I was somewhere far away," she spoke from the bardo.
"I don't know. I don't know. And yet I know all I need to know."
"Move your horses. Take a lunch break. Get a grip,"
Said the lady who smelled like cake and wore pineapple earrings.
"Why do you eat so much cake in the morning?"
Rain belted across the bank lobby.
"Can you even hear the rain outside, through all that icing inside?"
Her face flushed crimson between her dangling pineapples.
"Like I said," Rain continued, "I was far away, in a lost village,
Speaking to the descendants of my horses, Salient and Wonder.
"Can you hear me, pineapple lady? Can you hear this Rain?"
"Grab your horses and get out of here," the lady who adored cake shouted.
Rain lifted herself off her seat like a rising moon, and glided over the marble floor
Like the angel ghost of finance, mesmerized and mesmerizing.
Passing by she whispered to the tiny pineapple that clung the the fleshy ear,
"I was never in here. I am quite far from here."
With that Rain went outside
and walked her horses to the
meadow behind the parking lot
to reconvene with lost villages
Without interruption.
A thought, incomplete
Almost at its conception
Dies unformed
Another is stillborn
A lost unformed notion
More follow also fruitless
And unfulfilled
Then little more than an inkling
Emerges, grows quickly
Surviving into infancy
Only to be lost to distraction
Many more die unformed
Before a thought is born
Fully formed and grows quickly to maturity
But it was a stupid thought