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Fit to be tied by Hopper, Anna

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The Best Fit To Be Tied Poems

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A Desperate Housewife - in limerick form

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A desperate housewife I knew
had such mundane housework to do.
Being so tired of it,
she decided to quit.
Then off to Las Vegas she flew.

Having always been such a lithe girl,
she thought “I’ll give dancing a whirl!”
Her audition went well.
From a large oyster shell
She emerged, so they all dubbed her Pearl.

Her skin, soft and fair, shone like dew
as she smiled with eyes crystal blue.
All the men threw her money
as her voice, sweet as honey,
called out, “Let me entertain you!”

As Pearl danced each night, looking pretty,
Her husband, back in her home city,
was fit to be tied,
thinking maybe she’d died!
Poor fool didn’t have a clue, did he!

Unbeknownst to sweet Pearl, her “dear” spouse
had been sneaking off as she’d played house.
To conventions he’d said
he was going. Instead,
he’d been gambling in Vegas, that louse!

Off to strip clubs he’d gone every chance
that he got. How he loved to see dance
naked women all sizes 
in sexy disguises
while his wife at home longed for romance.

Now the tables were very much turned.
And her husband was feeling quite spurned.
He would sleep restlessly
thinking where could she be!!
But her whereabouts he never learned.

No longer could he run away
on a whim. He still had bills to pay.
That cleaning and cooking
meant no time for looking
at girls! He had less time to play.

In Vegas, his wife had come far.
In fact, she was a superstar.
Wearing naught but a fan,
she’d entice every man,
then drive home in a pearl-colored car!

Her spouse lost his job. The years fled.
His wife he then had declared dead.
But with no job in sight,
he’d stay home each night,
with loneliness causing him dread.

Do you think this guy ever has let
his conscience feel any regret
that his wife did so much
while he gambled and such?
Has he learned anything at all yet?

Did he marry and get a new bride?
Did Pearl go and change her sweet ride
to a sleek red Corvette,
and did SHE marry yet?
I leave it to YOU to decide!


Written June 2016 for the Desperate Housewife Contest of PD


Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2016


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Fit to be tied

I'm Restless and defeated
Feeling overwhelmed and cheated
My Plate about to topple
Don't you dare pop that waffle
Shut your mouth and the door
Clean the dog pee off the floor
Fit to be tied, mouth foaming
Computer died, phone roaming 
Don't look at me with that cheesy grin
My patience, like ice, that's growing thin
Just finished my Alaskan shower
Thanks to you bathing for an hour
Spent my last dollar topping off my tank
Just to find, my car won't crank
Pants ripped when I bent over
Picking up a 3 leafed clover
Dog ran off, didn't think he'd go far
As luck would have it, he was hit by a car
thought we'd spend the day, saying goodbye
Would you believe, he didn't die
At the vet, running up my credit
I'll revise my budget again and re edit
Sporting a cone around his head 
The doctor said he should be hand fed
It's ok, I have time to spare
Out of work due to an allergy flare
Looking like a blowfish with chicken pox 
Hamster got loose at the delight of a fox
Kids called the cops for animal abuse
Handcuffed for 2 hours before they let me loose
Neighborhood kids, come knocking
I wish I could say it was the least bit shocking
Leaving doors open, letting in the flies
I hide in the bathroom and find I have spies
Little feet under the shower curtain
Bottoms spanked, hands hurtin
Crawl in the bed at 1 a.m.
Sleep for 5 hours, then do it again


Copyright © Anna Hopper | Year Posted 2015


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Dragon Finds A Patron Saint

Dragon was having a bad time; nothing was going right, one day.
First, he tried to cut the ribbon for the new library… in his name.
A breeze made him sneeze, sending sparks going, you know where.
It all went up, immediately, with lots of colored, flames in the air!

The fire department, knowing Dragon, was already there, for the show.
Dragon seeing flames, roared a terrible, NO! Melting their hose! Whoa!
But not to worry, sprinklers inside came on, putting out the fire’s glow.
A fire sale, for Smokey, moldy books, will be in the future, I’m assured.

Insurance saved the day, but our poor guy won’t be allowed, opening day.
Dragon will only be allowed to get books, on the Internet. But that’s OK!
He was a bit depressed; so we took him to the park, for it was on the way!
Once there, the Sheriff of CrazyLand, wanted him on a leash, without delay.

I told the Sheriff, if Dragon needed it, he could be the one to put it on him! 
Out of control, Dragon & the Sheriff, bounced and flew, hitting every limb. 
Until becaming entangled in the statue of Shakespeare, a tragic, fitting end.
As they went down the statue held, but the sheriff ended up tied to it, so grim.

Paparazzi swarmed for pictures, as Dragon’s nemesis was truly, fit to be tied.
Nothing was going well, as we were, off to christen a baby penguin, that cried.
While there, we heard a shout to get Dragon, a BIG St Jude medal, on the side. 
You know… the ONE… The Patron Saint, where all Hopeless Cases abide.

Then, a lit prayer candle fell, and rolled until catching a rug afire. Take care!
It really wasn’t Dragon’s fault… much… tho it was his tail, which put it there.
Then a miracle occurred. God had heard us, for Dragon finally, saved the day!
He extinguished it quickly, by spitting Holy Water on it, from the font, so fair.

Ewww. I say! Still in Defense of Dragon, every thing will eventually be OK.
Tho Dragon drool in the Holy Water made an ‘Out of Order’ sign, perfect today. 
Naturally, we immediately offered, to help clean the Holy water font out…
Fortunately, the Priest had a GREAT sense of humor, for he gave Dragon…

A blest St Jude metal, stating, ‘We could ALL use ONE, ‘With Dragon near!
PLUS a little electro shock therapy! Yep! No Doubt! And the baby penguin…
When baptized, he gave it a St. Jude metal, plus all others, that were about!

Written by Carol Eastman 1-29-2015


Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2015


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My Ten Grands and More

One of my grandsons, name of Benjamin He likes eating toast made with cinnamon But uses his wits To not eat his grits Then excuses himself like a gentleman Charlie thrives on competition Out smarting you is his mission Bear hugs Tiny bugs, And “stick to it” repitition William’s impish smile is contagious The attention he wants is outrageous That slobbery kiss He can’t let you miss Borders on being sanctimonious The little princess is Laura Nance She wears frilly, girlish underpants She loves a warm lap Cartoons and a nap Getting attention with a coy glance Joseph loves learning karate He seldom is rude or naughty A steady grind Kicking behind Finding wisdom beats the haughty There is much to say of Caroline She is definitely DNA of mine Quietly aggressive Lovingly possessive She calculates when to toe the line Jackson just started to first grade I’m sure he has more game plans made Like the rest Mom knows best His lunch is PBJ and marmalade Colin just finished his S.A.T. I’m sure he did better than me Sharp as a tack Knows how to rack The pool balls to break wimpily. Derek made the junior varsity The “main man” he would seem to be. Fit to be tied, Praise not denied, He’s still that six foot little boy to me. Ryan—such a smart young man I teach him a card trick when I can He learned how to play Challenged me one day Skunked me then got up and ran Three dogs, alpaca and a kit Where in my family do they fit My pseudo grands By a daughter’s hands Who admires them more than a bit © 02 Dec 2010 Charles Henderson


Copyright © Charles Henderson | Year Posted 2010


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Night Dive (From a Bird's Perspective)

With an ebony plunge in the sea tonight
With the sky in a rage and fit to be tied
emerging opacity sleeps in my eyes-
clouds to be burned at the seams
WIth a storm iron grey on the tip of my tongue
With wings, liquid wings as I take the plunge
emerging with silver flips licking my mouth-
on a night of insatiable hunger.


Copyright © Tatyana Carney | Year Posted 2006


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Mollie

Mollie's gone and lost her brolly,
left it on the bloomin' trolley,
what to do now she's fried,
Mollie's fit to be tied,
unprotected, without any lolly! 


NOTE: for a dear friend!


Copyright © Keith Bickerstaffe | Year Posted 2009


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Mollie

Mollie's gone and lost her brolly,
left it on the bloomin' trolley,
what to do now she's fried,
Mollie's fit to be tied,
unprotected, without any lolly! 


NOTE: for a dear friend!
          'lolly' Br. slang for money.


Copyright © Keith Bickerstaffe | Year Posted 2016


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Mollie


Mollie's gone and lost her brolly,
left it on the bloomin' trolley,
what to do now she's fried,
Mollie's fit to be tied,
unprotected, without any lolly! 

              *******

Notes:

brolly = umbrella
lolly = money
bloomin' = friggin'  

for the uninitiated...


Copyright © Keith Bickerstaffe | Year Posted 2015


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Mollie


...to the one, the only

Mollie's gone and lost her brolly,
left it on the bloomin' trolley,
what to do now, she's tried,
she is fit to be tied,
unprotected, without any lolly!


just in case... brolly=umbrella, lolly=money!


Copyright © Keith Bickerstaffe | Year Posted 2012


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Classified

I was on a mission of my own
Got caught up by her charms
Wanted to spend a little time
Wrapped up in her arms

Missing from my duty station
The captain was fit to be tied
I want to know where you are
Sorry, sir, that’s classified

I knew that there would be hell to pay
When I got back to the base
But my thoughts were on other things
As my fingers touched her face

She was the sun, the moon and stars
Words to an old love song
Her lips, the spark to start a fire
That had been dormant for too long

My buddy met me at the gate
He said man your butt is fried
Where the hell have you been
I said Can’t say, it’s classified.


Copyright © Vince Suzadail Jr. | Year Posted 2009


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The angry mom song

I am fed up with being an angry mom
I'm fit to be tied and their doing it wrong
I didn't ask for much, just some time alone
But 4 busy hands are tagging along

Oh how I love them.  Let me count the ways
But this different person, this new phase
This figet spinner, epidemic craze
I feel like they hate me, most days

Each day they grow more wise
I see it in their intentional eyes
Manipulating mom provides a rise
With repetitive, horrific sounding cries

Go outside!  I can't deal
Yes, my child, I'm for real
I need a moment of quiet and still 
It's time to take my happy pill
I'd be long gone if looks could kill
But I'm still alive against my will
There must be a bucket you could fill
Just keep it outside so it can spill
Give me a break and I'll prepare a meal

It's truly a shame to feel this way
It's hard to feel and worse to say
My fried nerves have gone astray
But this is only every other day




Copyright © Anna Hopper | Year Posted 2017


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What Kind Of Ego

What kind of ego is required to ignore
The obvious love of Creator and King, 
As if there were profit in pushing aside, 
The air that you breathe or the bird it's own wing.

His temple, your body, that you would destroy
And for what reason, just the blessing of life? 
What blame does He share when you chose the wrong path, 
For night dreams that slash at your soul like a knife.

What is the key to the peace that you're missing, 
Where are the blessings we are all looking for, 
If you're only help simply rests in yourself	
You'll find loneliness is your one paramour! 

Is there such shame in the sweet help of others, 
And no pride when even new friends take your side? 
Maybe there's something in you you're not seeing
That makes God's all knowing joy ‘fit to be tied.'

If He exists then aren't you His creation? 
If He doesn't then is your anger in vain? 
What does it cost to just trust His provision...
Watch water become wine, and tears turn to rain?

Brian Johnston
June 11, 2014


Copyright © Brian Johnston | Year Posted 2014


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Tainted Emotion

The moment that I met you
Was the moment that I died.
The moment that I touched you,
I was soon fit to be tied.
You gave me all these reasons,
Then you made it bang or burst,
After all these countless seasons,
There is nothing left but lust.

The energy you needed,
Was what I could not spare.
Should’ve seen early your nature,
But I was young, and unaware.
In one single college summer,
You wrapped me in your daze,
And now eight long years later,
I still mired in the haze.

It’s a tainted emotion,
Puts me up against the wall,
Out of time,
Your love’s not mine,
We’ll never have it all.
It’s a tainted emotion,
Fills me with cold dread,
Should be a dream,
But I want to scream,
When I lay with you in bed.

The feelings I imagined,
Were illusions that you craved.
The lies I told to keep them,
Went on far too many days.
What remains inside me now,
Is weather, tired, and cold,
Not even seen thirty, yet
I’m feeling so damn old!

The pictures we painted
Were shadows wrapped in shade.
The ideal you’re in love with,
Is the dreg of a younger age.
Too tired for pretending
That there’s something we can be.
Time now to cut our losses,
For both of us to go free.

It’s a tainted emotion,
Puts me up against the wall,
Out of time,
No longer mine,
I’m begging for the fall.
It’s a tainted emotion,
And if fills me with cold dread
I regret the day
Made the mistake
Of letting you in my head.


Copyright © David Welch | Year Posted 2017


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From Now On

Knowing that hindsight is today’s wisdom
And yesterday is where my smarts come from.
Of many lessons learned ,some I can share
So that maybe others may be more aware.

So, from now on I will check for my keys before I slam the door, and not use pledge to shine the hardwood floor.
From now on the bread will be at the top of the shopping cart and that garden rake will be teeth down from the start.
For it’s no fun to be locked outside or find oneself on a flat sock slide.
And slices of dough that are flat as pie are hard to see through a rake handled eye. 

So from now on
 that sun lotion is applied first thing and the phone is off before I sing , I know who’s car that I am gettin in,and that spare ain’t flat before I need the thing.
For a sunburned noggin hurts,we clear?,even when screaming my song in some perplexed persons ear,
And those folks were sure fit to be tied when I opened their rear door to climb inside and changing one tire is bad enough, But a flat for a flat is really rough.

From now on speaks volumes to me, for it allows transformity. 
So as long as I can say “from now on”
I can look forward and back with great anticipation,
For hope and reflection equals my transformation.


Copyright © Jack Eldridge | Year Posted 2018