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Best Ferret Poems | Poetry

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New Ferret Poems

Don't stop! The most popular and best Ferret poems are below this new poems list.

The Story of Budgeron Ferret by Ruwindi, Kaveesha
Ferret Legging by dailey, mike
Feral Ferret loose by JOHNSON, DON
ferret rides again by JOHNSON, DON
Steamed Ferret by JOHNSON, DON

View all new Ferret Poems

The Best Ferret Poems

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Animal Antics

I just found out two poodles that I bought
were ferrets!  Ay caramba! And guess what?

To make each one resemble less a rat,
they gave them steroids, making them both fat!

They also fluffed their pretty fur just so
around their heads. So how was I to know?

Each one looked so much like a toy poodle
they had me fooled - whole kit and caboodle!

Our veterinarian has verified
the facts for me. Those poodle dealers lied.

And folks now say I should have realized
the truth, which stared at me with beady eyes!

Those ferrets sure run fast; I think I’ll buy
two tiny leashes, or else I could try. . . 

to sucker someone stupider than me.
Hey, buy one poodle; get the other free!


I wrote this April 22, 2013 after hearing a news story about a guy who actually believed he had bought a poodle when it was a ferret on steroids! See above for the link to the news footage! 


Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2013


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TIME TO GO OUT ON THE PISTE

The temperature dropped by six degrees, 
snow now carpets the ground and tall fir trees.
I adore wintry days such as these,
and dash to the shed with my bunch of keys
then ferret around and find my old skis.

I hurry inside out of the chill breeze
then dress in my waterproof dungarees -
if I fall over they may save my knees!
My friends live nearby, they're from overseas
they’re superb skiers I’ve seen their expertise.

They have a sweet dog he’s a Pekingese – 
he can’t come here as he’s covered in fleas,
and my allergy to dogs makes me sneeze!

We meet at the ski slope, I feel at ease;
on climbing to the top I start to wheeze -
my friends laugh at me, they are such a tease!

Monorhyme Contest
Sponsored by Shadow Hamilton

02~12~17


Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017


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Sick Old Bird: COLLABORATION

There once was a cranky old parrot who had all the charms of a ferret. She went to great ends to get rid of friends and now lives in a draft-y garret. The draft made her sicker and sicker which caused her to bicker and bicker. She tried writing verse which made matters worse so that she would bicker much quicker! She couldn't stop coughing and wheezing. Her vanity there was no pleasing. The truth of her curse was no gift for verse which she blamed on all of the breezing. This made her get tougher and tougher. Her verses got rougher and rougher. She wouldn't stop writing, but kept on delighting in making the whole country suffer. BY DALE GREGORY COZART The parrot soon dropped off her high perch From the top of an old silver birch Now she’s no longer squawking And her husband is walking To see the old bird buried in church! BY JAN ALLISON


Copyright © Dale Gregory Cozart | Year Posted 2017


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Steamed Ferret

Steamed Ferret

Very steamy hot thoughtful stuff
get me hotter sure enough
getting hard to  keep it down
feral  ferret will swim or drown

would you like to eat a chop
as i'm fumbling at your top
lamb is good but tiddley's better
cannot get the catch unfetter

can we have a cuddle now
moving closer to the chow
tween your thighs I could slip
panties dinna wanna slip

things are damp its getting harder
no way to get  between
in a  rotten Russian Lada
gear stick jabs me so obscene

finally i'm in the passion pit
plunging driven just to it!
yes i'll make you moan a bit
but i'm only dreaming :)

Don Johnson

Yes Trace :)



Copyright © DON JOHNSON | Year Posted 2011


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Solo downunder

Solo downunder

Where be you so lovely 
here I am alone in my bed
cold sheets, no passion, bit lonely
a dog on the patio, Ferret said

the night leans heavily on my soul
the girls that got away
too slow to catch a young poddy foal
too shy for a word to say

perhaps i'm meant to be alone
no clutter in the mind
shielas won't make me pick up the phone
better if i'm  dumb deef n blind...

Don Johnson








Copyright © DON JOHNSON | Year Posted 2011


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Ferrets, Racoons, and Skunks, Oh My

I wanted a pet, but one more unique
than a bird or a dog or a cat.
So I went onto Craig’s List so I could seek
a ferret! Yes, I sure fancied that.

I found a ferret and bought him a leash,
but he’d slither away from my view.
He never would keep in his own niche.
Oh, boy, what was I going to do?

My ferret just vanished. Ummm, actually,
when he got loose in my neighborhood,
I simply stopped looking for him; I suppose
he’s living nearby now in the wood!

There was a raccoon, slipped into my house
through a small doggy door that I  had,
destroyed my kitchen – and worse than a mouse -
he eats tons, and he bites when he’s mad!

That racoon I never again want to see.
My house he made look like a pig sty.
I closed up the doggy door. Racoon, bye-bye!
Go play with the squirrels in my tree.

I heard that a skunk might make a good pet.
They are friendly, so playful and sweet.
My de-scented skunk just hasn’t learned yet
to stop peeing on top of the sheet.

Ferrets, racoons, and skunks – oh my!
If you’re better at training than me,
perhaps a sweet skunk you’d like to buy?
Better yet, you can have him for free!


May 23, 2018 for Maureen McGreavy's 
Dandelions Tiger Lilies And Bearberries Oh My Poetry Contest



Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2018


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Trump

Donald Trump
would get the hump
if the dead ferret fell from his head,
and voters wanted that as president instead.

for the name forsakes me Trump clerihew contest


Copyright © jack horne | Year Posted 2018


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Animal Magnetism

A pet more exotic I'd wanted.

A pet to be groomed and then flaunted.

not a dog or a cat

something cooler than that!

I began my search feeling undaunted





In a pet store I came on a ferret.

Such a pain he was! How did I bear it?

Under doors and through cracks

He'd escape from me. AAAACH!!

So I traded him in for a parrot.




Well, the parrot just wanted to fly!

And that bird knew more bad words than I.

When he called me a whore,

I threw open the door:

“Now you’re getting your wish, Bird. BYE BYE!





A boa constrictor I bought,

He’d like to be cuddled, I thought,

But he wrapped and he squeezed,

As I gasped and I wheezed,

And offered the rat that I’d caught.

 

A bowl of piranha I won -

I played Baccarat with a nun -

And they wiggled their bums,

So I tickled their tums,

But bones ’stead of fingers aint fun.





My elderly aunt sent a text,

Suggesting tarantulas next,

But my spider alas,

Took a bite of my ***:

My pet-owning hobby is hexed.





I went to the pet shop, I swear,

But nothing I wanted was there -

To my pets I am prey,

So I went on eBay,

And purchased a big teddy bear.


for Darkness' Grab A Partner collaboration contest, written with a good Soup friend


Copyright © jack horne | Year Posted 2014


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Animal Magnetism

A pet more exotic I'd wanted.
A pet to be groomed and then flaunted.
Not a dog or a cat -
Something cooler than that!
I began my search feeling undaunted

In a pet store I came on a ferret.
Such a pain he was! How did I bear it?
Under doors and through cracks
He'd escape from me. AAAACH!!
So I traded him in for a parrot.

Well, the parrot just wanted to fly!
And that bird knew more bad words than I.
When he called me a whore,
I threw open the door:
“Now you’re getting your wish, Bird. BYE BYE!

A boa constrictor I bought,
He’d like to be cuddled, I thought,
But he wrapped and he squeezed,
As I gasped and I wheezed,
And offered the rat that I’d caught.
 
A bowl of piranha I won -
I played Baccarat with a nun -
And they wiggled their bums,
So I tickled their tums,
But bones ’stead of fingers aint fun.

My elderly aunt sent a text,
Suggesting tarantulas next,
But my spider alas,
Took a bite of my ***:
My pet-owning hobby is hexed.

I went to the pet shop, I swear,
But nothing I wanted was there -
To my pets I am prey,
So I went on eBay,
And purchased a big teddy bear.


For the "Grab a Partner" Contest. To see
who I collaborated with, read my comment
under the poem.


Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2014


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Praying Mantis Pet


Hello, I am a praying mantis from the tropics,
a killer really, once I bit off the head of my lover;
and then I ate him, yummy and then I was caught,
I ended up in a pet store until one day she bought me.
I am a strange pet for a girl to have and love,
but it is so, few people realize we make amazing pets;
no weirder than a rat or ferret or snake.
My species is known for courage and fearlessness,
in ancient times we were considered supernatural gods;
but I have no powers except my praying posture,
I like to be perfectly still with my for arms folded in prayer.
Usually my girl feeds me small insects she finds,
once when I was on a stroll I reached into her goldfish bowl;
and ate her goldfish, oh my, was she upset with me,
I like to grip her finger with my long legs.
One day I escaped into the garden, oh delight,
I ate a bunch of bugs by ambush and camouflage;
you see I am the master of disguise,
I can blend into the foliage and any background.
My girl found me when I was trying to resemble a flower,
she said I was a giveaway with my two bulging eyes;
(and three small ones) darn it anyways, almost had freedom,
but in truth I love my girl and the lovely nest she made for me.
She has made it look like my tropical homeland,
with a heater and plants on which I crawl and pray;
there is never a lack of bugs to eat and I do love the light above,
so yes I am an odd pet for a girl to love;
but she calls me beautiful and that makes my wings flutter,
and I go into my praying poise for her to praise . . . 
________________________
August 12, 2016

Personification



Copyright © Dear Heart a.k.a. Broken Wings | Year Posted 2016


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Puppy Love

To the market grab a carrot
Sneak it home never share it.
This is what my spaniel does
Every Thursday just because,
His lady friend's a ferret.


Copyright © Richard Breese | Year Posted 2015


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Attention Animal Lovers

The Endangered Species Act
referred to as The ESA
is currently having problems
that may not go away.

Several species of wildlife
many a beautiful beast
Could very well become extinct 
they're endangered to say the least!

Culprits, don't really seem to care
but they're at fault it's true
Oil Companies, Loggers, Special Interest Groups
just to name a few!

Global warming destroys their habitat,
their ability to hunt and such
Urban and Agricultural development
also don't help that much.

The aforementioned culprits and others
have undermined the ESA.
Some endangered species were left off the list,
"conveniently" needless to say!

The Grizzly Bear and Bighorn Sheep,
the Jaguar and Whooping Crane,
the Black Footed  Ferret and Canada Lynx
are some that I can name.

All these animals are quite unique,
there's really quite an array.
So we all gotta do whatever we can
to support the ESA.


Copyright © RALPH TAYLOR | Year Posted 2011


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Ferret Legging

Ferret Legging
You never know what you’ll find on the net
Nothing much surprises me there and yet
I found a sport that takes no native skill
Just a strong pair of pants and a real strong will
Competitors’ trousers are tied neath their shin
Before two ferrets are securely placed in
Their belts are then fastened to prevent an escape
And that’s where the very strong will should take shape
Each competitor then stands in front of a judge
As long as he can trying so not to budge
Neither ferret nor man can be drunk or be drugged
And no underwear worn so your parts can be hugged
Pants must be loose so the ferrets can roam
From one leg to the other and their movement shown
Each ferret must have a full set of teeth
That have not been blunted or anyway sheathed
Ferrets have claws like very sharp pins
And teeth like a carpet tack that they can sink in
And ferrets are biters and you’ve got a pair
So your “tool” may be bitten and you better not care
Competitors can attempt from outside their pants
To dislodge a ferret that’s latched on by chance
The winner’s the guy that outlasts the rest
And stands there the longest in this little test
Scotland’s the country where this all began
And the record is held by a brave Scottish man
The record’s been set that will be hard to beat
Five hours 10 minutes and still on his feet
Unfortunately the sport’s been dying out
With PETA and others protesting the bout
But if you’re in Virginia, in Richmond next year
And go to the Highland Games there I hear
They may have a ferret or two up their sleeve
That you can insert in your pants I believe
And if you can just stand there for six hours or more
You can bring the world record right here to our shore
But first grab some loose pants and maybe a kitten
Practice with that getting  use to being bitten
Work up to a cat and then up to two
That is exactly what I thought I’d do
Then I thought again and again then I thought
Can a lesson be learned before that lesson’s taught?
So I tried to imagine how a ferret would feel
Could I stand there a man without a girly squeal?
Would I be embarrassed or pass out from fright
And I thought and I thought and I thought that I might
So I’ll go on record, this sport’s not for me
But if you’re game to try it, that I’d go to see






Copyright © mike dailey | Year Posted 2014


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Birds of a Feather

Opposites may hold attraction
But lack lasting satisfaction.
Frequently push comes to shove.
In comes hate and out goes love.

Animals in fights and fleeings
Still are mostly social beings.
In a pinch, at end of tether,
Birds of a feather flock together.

Multitudes of furry creatures
Seem alike in lots of features.
Yet that’s not their point of view,
And they vie to prove this true.

Mockingbirds may sing like parrots.
Horses, rabbits crunch on carrots.
Many species act as one
To lark and run in the sun.
But in times of stormy weather,
Birds of a feather flock together.

Whether cat or dog or ferret,
Each as pet will have its merit.
Yet if all alone, where’er it,
Not a one can grin and bear it.

Humans also seek each other—
Father, mother, sister, brother—
Hither, thither, upper, nether,
Birds of a feather flock together.



~ Harley White



Copyright © Harley White | Year Posted 2016


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Funny Bunny With No Money

I’m just bunny, 
with a hop so funny, 
who’s hungry and needing a carrot-
so I flop and plop down on my seat 
and bugging me is a purple ferret.
Wanting to know what I wish, 
he offers me his favorite meal,
he loves the fried fish, 
oh what a dish, 
but I really want carrot veal!

“WE DON’T HAVE A DEAL 
ON CARROT VEAL TODAY”, 
he shouts with violence-
but what a steal for that great meal! 
Then he stands there in silence. 
I sit and ponder with anticipated 
wonder and before I opened my lips,
he shouts like thunder, 
so I take cover
and I fall down and break my hips!

“I TOLD YOU THE FISH 
WOULD FLIP AND SWISH 
AND YOU DIDN’T CARE,
YOU MUST ORDER WHAT’S ON THE LIST 
AND CARROT VEAL ISN’T THERE!”
I have to strip, 
for I have a broken hip, 
needed to see how hurt I am,
so I unzip and what a trip! 
He says, “HOW BOUT YOU TRY THE HAM?”

But I have a friend who is a pig, 
he snorts with his snout and is too big,
he loves my jokes and wears a pink wig 
and has a strange obsession to dig.
“I can’t eat ham, my friend silly Sam
says I could never eat him for lunch,
trying the lamb might be better than ham," 
then the ferret had a hunch.

“JUST SIP ON THE POETRY SOUP, 
THEN EAT THE BLUE ROAST BEAST,
YOU DIP IT IN JUICE AND THEN THE FRUIT, 
FOR THE CHEF IS AN ARTISTE!”,
I wonder what poetry soup tastes like 
and if it speaks as I read along-
I ponder and think if it’s a waste 
if the words disappear as I write a song.

For I’d love to be a songwriter
with strong abs so tighter
and a marvelous voice to sing-
it’d be tough on my soft fur 
with if sweat occurs 
and my pink ears would stink!
After all that, 
sitting in the diner “Cat in the Hat”, 
I finally know what I desire!
It’s expensive and high-class 
but I chose to fry my own fish in the diner fire.

I hop to the loo, 
and you would too, 
if you were as full as my tummy-
“uh-oh…” I say then I walk away...
I’m just a funny bunny with no money!


I Need A Cup Of Seuss
March 30, 2017





Copyright © Lu Loo | Year Posted 2017


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Pet-sit Panics

***Crazy Menagerie*** I definitely bit off more than I could chew, when I came a-running to my friend's rescue He said it was no big deal, a real snooze actually to just please, please look after his cutie menagerie He said everything was pretty much self-explanatory just feel at home, and relax...he sure was being sneaky! I thought the word "menagerie" was just an exaggeration, but goodness me, I almost fainted when I was greeted by a python! He just lay there by the foyer, quite snug as a bug on the rug So I carefully stepped over it, and planned to make tea for my mug I headed to the kitchen, when I heard something go squeak! squeak! What was that? I wondered, then I let out a bloodcurdling shriek! It flew right over my head, yikes, another one got me all panicky My eyes bugged out as I realized that he had a couple of paniki*!! I went rushing out the kitchen and ran straight into an aquarium No cool fishies here, just mousies out of equilibrium They were jumping up and down now, trying to escape when I heard a suspicious grunt, it sounded like an ape!! I was so scared to search for it, but curiosity won out So I opened doors and cabinets, when I ran smack into a snout! Ewwwww, I just realized that I just kissed an ugly pig! I then remembered he kept one to go on truffle digs! He said he had a cat though? Where were the common pets? Ah, there it is; here, kitty, kitty, when I saw it was a ferret! It was doing this weird dance, it hopped then bumped into me I wigged out, then stepped right on the tail of that poor kitty!! It lunged at me and I fell back onto aquarium glass of course it had to teeter totter and I was too late, alas!! It just hit the marble floor, then I heard that sickening crash Mousies all over me!!! Shook my head till I got whiplash The cat was now scratching me, I was screaming 'till my throat was sore, This was a total nightmare, that snake was blocking that damn door!! My eyes were like leaking faucets, I had thick tears, I didn't know? When I wiped off my cheeks, I found out it was icky guano!! Boohoo, sniffle, snuffle--am I never getting out of here?!? Dang Chris says he'll be back in a week, will just drown myself in beer. * paniki=bats ** for Sharon's Pet-sit Panics contest


Copyright © kabuteng P.iNk k. | Year Posted 2010


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Babysitting bloody Goats

Babysitting bloody goats, Babysitting bloody goats, Baaaa baaaa twinkletoes has notes, Trying to get some bloody sleep, Sounds like a rabid rancid sheep, a lonesome goat, you know it, wheres that bloody clive a sitting, climbing screen doors, its not quiting, Sue heard one on the ole tin roof, twinkle toes tap tap 2 do it? Blaurgggggght says the nanny goat, Crazy bludger's tunes out of note, Drops poor ole Johnson in it? Ferret dog emasculated, Banged and thumped and castigated, Head butted by 2 nannies sure, Doesn’t want it any more, Sidestepping Ferret voted! Waiting for ole Clive to come, With the red van goats do hum, Head butting ole screen door, Blaurgh where are you clive, whaffor? Goat chops for tweededum, Cant eat your mates they hum, Be quiet my moral core, They won….Don Johnson https://www.facebook.com/don.johnson. 79219/posts/10203114820445074?comment_ id=10203114886406723&offset=0&total_comments=7


Copyright © DON JOHNSON | Year Posted 2014


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the death of a lancashire lad

I bet he's up there, his nag astride, Ferret in sack, terrier by side. I bet he's up there charming a lass, Ciggy in gob and mild in glass. I bet he's up there seeing united win, Hollering and swearing " get it in". I bet he's up there happy at last, No pain no shame no regrets of the past. I bet he's up there smirking at us, Ye silly buggers whats all this fuss.


Copyright © carolyne lloyd-hartley | Year Posted 2010


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I Am a Little Rabbit

- I am a little rabbit, hrum - hrum,

I like sweet carrot, hrum - hrum,

I'm like a ferret, hrum - hrum,

Live in a burrow, hrum - hrum,

Though it's narrow, hrum - hrum,

Now I am eating cabbage, hrum - hrum,

It's for my courage, hrum - hrum.

- Dear little rabbit, tell me your habit!

- Hrum - hrum!


© Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)


Copyright © Larisa Rzhepishevska | Year Posted 2012


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Sea Parrot

Under the sea lived a parrot.
She loved to play with a ferret.
Then upon one day,
In the month of May,
They both shared a yellow carrot.


Copyright © cecil hickman | Year Posted 2010


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Whippet

It’s the phantom window cleaner
He’s a man who’s built for speed 
You should see him cleaning windows
He’s extremely fast indeed
If you watch him climb his ladder
With his squeegee and his scrim
Then you will not be surprised
That there’s not too much of him
He won’t slow down his pace
It’s such a disconcerting habit
Like a ferret up a pipe, or
A whippet, chasing rabbit
But wait till Friday night
When he is serving at the bar
It’s a total transformation
He’s the slowest one by far


Copyright © John W Fenn | Year Posted 2011


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loyalty to blindbelieve

I still cry to the blues with sure hope;
Reeled in enmity of mine brainwaves to better believe,
My thoughts shudder within me unknowing how much more I can endure!
I rake through the dark precinct of faith blinds;
To ferret out the unseen light,
But then I begin to realize…
I’m walled somewhere where light is no light but darkness!
I’m walled somewhere where I would never free myself!

I’ve been betrayed by my loyalty to believing blindly,
Sealed me off within the walls of the deepest pit of hell,
I can’t fight from within…I can’t!
Inner death stuffed somewhere in me; 
Bit by bit leading me to rest when it suits! 


Copyright © Mpho Leteng | Year Posted 2012


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Bad Bunny Silly Puppy

Believe me or not when I say, my bunny has had a rough day- he ate puppy’s food, he can be so rude! why can’t you just stick to your hay! He started eating a dog bone, why can’t he just leave it alone? Puppy is hungry, needs food in tummy, so the vet I called on the phone. I said bunny was being bad, not eating the food that he had- Vet said he’ll get sick, so here’s a great trick, have puppy eat hay, he’ll get mad! So puppy ate hay and carrots, puppy wasn’t about to share it! Bunny got so sad, puppy was so glad, then he turned into a ferret! February 8, 2017


Copyright © Lu Loo | Year Posted 2017


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Strangers in Peoria

I met a proper woman in a proper pub on a Monday in Peoria. It was noon, time for lunch, and we were sitting stool to stool over very large burgers at a long mahogany bar. It curved in and out as if wind-swept and featured high stools with padded seats and backrests, all in a rich faux maroon that complemented the authentic mahogany. The waiter had put us at the bar together, on the last two empty stools, thinking we had arrived there as a couple. Apologizing with his head bowed, he said no tables were available. 

The place was awash in men who had obviously spent a lot of time in the sun. They were talking agri-business very loud. Plaid shirts and John Deere caps were everywhere. Apparently, the price of pork that day had hit new highs and that event seemed to delight the majority of diners. It was obvious these men knew their pork and probably their corn as well. The odd thing was, not one of them seemed to notice the lady sitting next to me. The price of pork notwithstanding, she deserved a second glance if not a whole lot more. She was certainly no farmer's daughter. Probably never baked an apple pie.

It was easy to see why the waiter thought we were a couple. I was in a Brooks Brothers suit, button-down shirt and a serious rep tie, and the lady was attired in the feminine business equivalent, a conservative suit, albeit in tasteful lavender, and a string of pearls. An hour earlier, we had both landed in Peoria on different planes and found our separate ways to the same restaurant. I was taken by how much she looked like Jackie Kennedy after Dallas but without the pillbox hat.

Eventually she spoke. It turned out she was from New York and I was from Chicago and that we were in Peoria for final interviews for jobs we thought we'd get. But living in Peoria, we thought, might not be a fit. We didn't doubt that Peoria was a nice city, a good place to raise a family even though neither of us was married. But we agreed that adjusting to Peoria might be difficult for urbanites like us, especially at the start, since we wouldn't be taken with the price of pork, whether it went up or down. 

The lady was a surgeon recruited by a hospital. It took a little prompting but finally she said: "I repair pelvic floors in women." 

Not too worry, I thought. She is still a very nice looking woman.

She paused to see if I'd react to her announcement of her vocation and when I didn't, she continued. 

"If a bladder drops, or a rectum tumbles or if a womb is full of fibroids, I'm the surgeon that lady needs to see. These are ailments most men wouldn't understand unless they've had a wife who's had them." 

I told her I did not have a wife, nor any candidates lined up in Chicago waiting for my hand.   

She took a dainty bite of her burger that was still too big, despite being cut in quarters. She sipped her Coke and then informed me, "When I get done, the lady's free of all protrusions. She can urinate, defecate and have sex again, all without discomfort."

I had met my share of women but I had never met a woman, drunk or sober, who had ever said anything as startling as that even when in the throes of breaking up. I had no idea what to say and so I sat and listened as she continued with my education. 

"Actually, my patients have a choice," she said. "They can let me do the surgery or they can buy a pessary, a device few women know anything about until I pull a sample from the cabinet and explain its ins and outs. The pessary makes surgery seem simple. All we have to do then is pick a day for me to tuck the lady’s organs back where they belong."

I said a procedure like that sounded painful, even allowing for an anesthetic. It sounded much worse, I said, than a colonoscopy, a procedure I’d become acquainted with early in life due to family history.
 
She nodded slightly and continued, "Now, if the lady's womb is full of fibroids, I'll suggest we take the uterus out as well. I’ll tell her we'll remove the crib and leave her playpen intact. Often that's the best solution."

She sipped her Coke again and said, "Somewhere in Peoria, as we speak, a bladder's dropping, a rectum's quivering and a fibroid's growing. Believe me, if the salary is right, I'll take this job because a fibroid in Peoria is no different than a fibroid in New York."

Then she looked me in the eye and said, "Well, that's my story. Now tell me, what do you do for a living?"

I finally had the floor and so I took a breath and said: "I repair sentences in documents written by intelligent people expert in arcane fields. Some of them can't spell or punctuate. Or if they can, they dangle participles, split infinitives or run their sentences together like mountain rams in rutting season." 

I knew I could not trump her pessary, but I added, "I put muscle in their verbs, amputate their adjectives, assassinate their adverbs. I give my clients final copy they can claim is theirs. The reader never knows that a ferret like me has crept between their lines, nibbling at this and chomping on that."

At the end, I added a remark I hoped might prompt a get-together later, perhaps for dinner and drinks, another chat, a little laughter, and who knows what else. If our spirits meshed, a coupling was something we could accomplish before we'd have to take different planes back home.

"I believe our professions are similar," I told her, sipping the last of my Coke. "I too put things back where they belong and I cut away anything protruding."

About an hour later, we had paid our tabs, said long good-byes, shaken hands with considerable warmth and headed off in different directions for our interviews. 

By day's end, we'd both be flying home to different cities. And although we'd still be strangers, we'd be strangers who had had an interesting conversation. 

Not interesting enough, however, for either of us to ask the other for a name or number.


Donal Mahoney


Copyright © Donal Mahoney | Year Posted 2017


Details | Ferret Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Silly Rabbit......

Hop-hop the trail
little bunny,shake your tail
to be noticed is the action
as you get,without fail

Hop-hop with some flowers
maybe candied desserts
you might get so lucky
be treated as a first

Hop-hop with a gift
maybe a precious stone
should open up those eyes
you'll never be alone

Silly,silly rabbit
chasin' the wrong carat
protector of this diamond
will be your ferret.....


Copyright © jay del fierro | Year Posted 2007