Best Commercials Poems
A Satire on Commercials
I Don’t Need It
But Gimme Two
Written: by Miracle Man
8/2/2017
Commercials are filled with lots of untruths and ploys,
Using scantily dressed women oozing charm and poise;
Each with the thought of enticing me to spend money,
Using smoke and mirrors and often insultingly funny;
Commercials are tailored to my individual spending habits,
And each time I Inquire, my emails multiply like rabbits.
Sometimes the pitch man is one, handsome or famous,
Buying on name recognition would make me an ignoramus.
But behind each infomercial lies a free marketer’s creed,
To convince me to purchase what I don’t really need.
Starting earlier every year,
Christmas costs more and more with less cheer.
This year Santa fell flat.
His diet took the fat,
Elves said,” this will not be good” they fear.
Watching commercials, they got idea.
Close diners, except pizzeria.
Each ad on T.V. now,
Pictures of pizzas wow!
Santa gains, without diarrhea.
Ads worked, he got a jolly belly.
Elves solemnly sat in a deli.
Commercialized just right,
His red suit fit so tight,
They needed petroleum jelly.
Commercials can drive us loopy and buggy
Time after time, the same message quite uggy
Should be outlawed
Concept is flawed
SOMEONE please come over I need a huggy
Yes, I watch TV,
the dramas and comedies.
Commercials bore me.
I am listening to a list of glorious disclaimers on TV
That follow a commercial about a terrific new wonder drug that
helps you blow freckles off your arms.
Usually I am in the kitchen getting
Something to eat by now, but this time I already had my little
banana peanut butter sandwich with two package of chips on my
lap, so I actually listened to these darling side effects:
Possible heart attack
Possible stroke
Possible weight gain
Possible loss of bowel control
Possible lesions
Possible eye damage
Possible liver failure
There are ten others, but do I really need to continue?
Cotton Commercials
always reminded me of
my grandmother's house
irony cotton paralleling
Ridgfield Park, New Jersey bitterness.
Boiling in decrepit neighborhoods,
once swarming with Irish and Italian Catholics.
Now a haven of cracked sidewalks
ten miles outside of Manhattan.
Maybe it was the song that did it?
Reminiscent of that old wood grained plastic box radio
in the kitchen playing fifties music.
The vibrations resonated under the
flourescent lighting, and
bounced off her split level metal
coffee pot, percolator on the stove.
It wasn't the softness that reminded me.
The only softness in her home
was the pea green shag carpet in the living room
that she refused to replace or remove.
Removing it would expose the beauty, and
deep hardwood floors don't absorb
drinking, destruction and despair,
but would send secrets bouncing
off stained glass that she can't
step and press into the heavy shag.
She sits alone watching soaps
in dim dusty lighting
drapes drawn tight.
They give me hugs and we laugh with glee
My childhood forever friends
The ones I have had for over fifty years.
One for sixty-two years actually, since kindergarten.
We make an arrangement for a playdate
And we run toward each other like the TV commercials.
We are linked by memories and experiences
Too silly to explain to others
Remembered immediately upon sight of each other
Childhood friends, the ones you can laugh with
And cry with, but laugh with a full open mouth
Spittle is funny too!
I.
Many thoughts were deemed invalid now
(My heart says, when posts disappear here,
And I see advertisements where my words were typed!)
My prayers ought to be "secret," we read in Matthew
But we are urged to pray together, per Hebrews
Once more: Scripture says "balance," not either-or, neither-nor
So I pray with Cameron, who has a court date ...
II.
LORD Jesus, I stop at times, to meditate
Just for a minute: see thy face, THANK you, gratitude!
At various hours all day, not 9-5, as once taught
Jesus, help me be faithful for thy Grace
I cannot give You my all, songs brag of that, yes ...
I ask Holy Trinity to help me be better each day for Thee
Whether or not I teach thy Gospel: prayer and growth
Has to be personal (more than private) - help us all
Amen, and shalom shalom
I needed this so much.
A little alone time.
Designer jeans.
T-shirts printed with out the blue sayings.
A moment to ourselves home alone.
Wasting time just you & I.
Causally stretched across each other on the couch.
Commercials filled with Wal-mart families.
Insurance companies. Lawsuit claims.
Your sugar fills the space between shows.
Your head leaned back on my chest.
Neck twisted in a kiss.
The TV more so watching us.
The wait of working all week for this moment of relaxation.
The anticipation of butterflies, late night texts.
The vintage shows we grew up watching, still our favorite.
I really missed you.
Your shoulder my favorite pillow.
The extended twenty-first question of our 21 Questions.
Sitting here with you.
Soon to fall asleep with you in my arms.
To wake up and do the same exact same thing.
To let you know that I made it home safe
There was Louie the fly
Who’d want to fly by
There was Madge who
Soaked your hands in Palmolive goo
There was the Rolladoor song
That Geelong supporters sing along
Your Mum Mister Sheened your furniture
To a sparkling shine so sure
These commercials I remember on television
That as soon as I think of them they are in my vision.
© Paul Warren Poetry
I saw a great commercial
But forgot what it was for.
I suppose it was a failure
On the advertising score.
For a catchy little lyric
Or a scene to make you cry
Should remind you of the product
That it’s hoping you will buy.
Certain ads are quite obnoxious,
With a jingle that you dread,
But in many cases they’re the ones
That stick inside your head.
To the advertising genius
Who outdid all other bids,
I commend you for the awful
1-800-Kars for Kids!*
*really 1-877-Kars for Kids
(altered for poetic purity!)
Toy and cereal advertisers must be going zany these days, and I do know.
When I was a child there were twenty-two commercials to every thirty-minute TV show.
Watching the TV commercials was the cost of watching TV, right, Jim?
These days no one watches commercials, choosing to fast forward through them.
How does your child know what doll to buy or what to wear on their knees?
How does your son or granddaughter know which blay-blades he or she needs?
There is a commercial deficit in power, and I, for one, am pretty angry about it.
I don’t know which cereal to eat for Pete’s Sakes, so I guess I’ll throw a giant caniption fit.
Seriously, Moms, Dads, boys, girls, and gentlefolks, let’s march on Washington for something worthwhile.
We’ve marched for a lot less. Hey! We want MANDATORY TV commercials, and we want
Them in style!
Pick up that banner, woman.
Follow me!
Commercials
By: Tom
3’24’2020
What you see
Isn’t always what you get.
Appliance or Mattress, or Mobile Device
First, cheapen it up,
go heavy on the advertising.
Then, more importantly,
give it some fancy name.
After inflating the price,
have a 30-40-even 50 percent off sale,
Works every time!
Baa Baa Baa
Kids In Commercials
Are Way More Well
Adjusted, You Know,
More Than REAL
Kids Are...
At Least They ACT
Like They Are...
You Know, But Kids
Are Cuter Than Adults...
***
Who Still Do Exactly
The Same Thing...
*
But More Generic.
*
They Should Be CUTER!
***
Let ME Just Say:
"Make
Everybody
Cuter Still,
Computer!"
-Gray Squirrel
09-08-2025