Best Clem Poems
CLEM POTTS AND THE MOON
not a pleasant sound
combining potts with the moon,
but, farm girls had learned
clem potts, in his rustic way,
was quite the village dreamer
lord of the haystack,
when the field was night-flooded,
the cows all asleep,
was he crooning his love theme -
clem potts, wily moon-schemer
her name, clara june
was the prettiest filly
with clem all aswoon
she’d met clem potts at the fair
where he’d won the ‘dog-eat’ fest
forty chili dogs
the last one nearly come up
he could still taste it
the beans, the hot tomatoes
belch without puke, the test
and, by god, he’d won,
had staved off hurl tornado
stored the big rumble
that churning away inside
mixed with green bile and the rest
he was quoting keats -
the moon-streaked straw in her hair -
thinking not those chili dogs,
about to brush clara’s cheek,
bent on a roll in the hay
clem said, “i love you.”
lord when lips formed the last word
clem’s gut did a flip
and the poor young clara june
turned blue from the blast, then gray
If your name is Potts I must apologize, so too if Clara June.
Categories:
clem, humor, humorous,
Form:
Tanka
Clem Kadidlehopper had two whoppers,
Two burgers with the works may be stoppers,
Double meat, egg, beetroot, tomato and cheese,
For a burger connoisseur this could only please,
No problem for Clem and his great big choppers.
alternate last line: Clem woofed them down with his great big choppers.
Categories:
clem, children, funny,
Form:
Limerick
Poor Clem was hanging off the shed rafters,
His angry outback wife strutting underneath,
" You've gotta come down some time Clem,"
Said angry Etta through grinding teeth.
"I've never heard of anything so despicable,"
Poor Clem was hanging on in dreaded fear,
"You think you know a man so well,
Then he goes and takes your beer."
Categories:
clem, funny, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Beneath the River Somnium,
Abandoned Wishes hymn: quiet in the viaduct:
Reverse the Lodestone;
Reverse the First Sin;
Reverse the Autumn Hearse;
Reverse the Universe.
We are the murk men, intangible ends—inebriated together
With Beelzebub our friend. Absolvent now in burning skin, the Piper plays our rudder;
Garudas’ quietus ballroom-mance veils lioness earthbound shudders
Vindicating tincture.
Come speak as One or risk the Sun
Melting e’en your physical fixture.
Rainforests, peripheral phantoms
Meshing lanterns; coalescing unwound mummy-cloth sanctums.
Opium deserts,
Drear-dreaming desolates—we inhale brimstone, we imprison Nymph oxygen
Together Daedelus;
Einstein;
Victor Frankenstein.
Delirium waterfalls brew spirits despite ballets
Heating gloam flintlock
In Nem-kissed cabernets
Cascading pyre dunes endlessly:
Nine inward tales lost in Ambrosia unbelonging,
Scorching any falsely fairer,
Side-thrusting ineffective suffocation
With undead rapiers. Who dares desire to replace You
Shall receive Bubonic nebulas, past arbalest
Exhibiting thrones’ cobalt fire under Babylon’s command,
silent yet laughing always waiting for zero
hands cannot wait they tremble
we dissemble they commend grown avatars
youthful Avatars: hawks circling together,
Smiling, sardonically tired of this world
Trapped within thunder,
As gorgeous black does spool this secret:
Those of us who have strayed from The Path
Disintegrate into cinnamon
For common use. Therein, use the fallen well,
Persephone's stair of the past—
only in dreams Hades’ Wint has passed
hinterland skies embracing crescents’ fast
below our lone, draped behemoth ‘cross cities’ paradox
in the midst of a nightly, playful wink.
We daemons tacit vacant love insane.
Alucard, Alistaire, Allwein: Remove your Glove—dispatch that Vein.
Your pact with us has just begun,
Though fear us not, O Clem, who’s won?:
Escape's been reared by us—reality fears Your perennial face;
Your marrow trills—now Murkland strafes:
Quem di diligunt, adolescens moritur;
To siphon Your Color——A New Corridor.
Categories:
clem, dark, fantasy, surreal,
Form:
Prose Poetry
When he had control of the remote I could get out of sorts
I preferred the dramas and he wanted only sports.
But on one type of programming we could usually agree.
We both got a big laugh from good old-time comedy.
Jack Benny, Eddie Cantor, and Jackie Gleason jokes abounded.
Lucy and Gracie’s antics kept Desi and George astounded.
These were comedies we could watch without getting a red face,
Unlike the vulgar stuff today that is not worth the space.
But there was one special fellow that we both simply adored.
He played so many characters that we were never bored.
There was Clem Kadiddlehopper and Freddie the free loader.
Gertrude and Heathcliff were seagulls. Red just kept getting bolder.
The last time we sat together and laughed until we cried
Was only a short time before my darling husband died.
Red was playing Santa in a silly Christmas spoof.
He kept crawling towards the chimney and sliding down the roof.
It was the last time we laughed together as amused husband and wife,
One Red Skelton episode I’ll remember the rest of my life.
Categories:
clem, funnyhusband, red, time, husband,
Form:
Couplet
"Final Edition" Posted 12 Sep 2021
With deep gratitude to all of who visited and commented over these 12 months of Monoku Mondays, I am hereby retiring this series. Keep laughing and bringing a smile to one another, we all need a lighthearted break from the serious side of life once in a while... especially on Mondays! ~ John
Just Say'n
a clear conscience: usually the result of a bad memory
Speaking of Memory…
i've got great memory if i could only remember to use it
Well If You Put It That Way
the grass is greener on the other side at least you don't have to mow it
Balance Is as Balance Does
a teen's idea of a balanced diet a burger in each hand
Speaking of Teens…
there's nothing wrong with teens that a little reasoning won't aggravate
How Sad
her birthday is april 1st unfortunately, no one believes her
Politics In a Nutshell
never forget the golden rule whoever has the gold makes the rules
Why I Did Poorly in English Class
I was always fated to mispell werds it was just my density
"Bits and Pieces VII" Posted 5 Sep 2021
I Wish I'd Said That
there is only one thing worse than being wealthy not being wealthy
Isn't It Ironic?
i express my non-conformity with mass-produced bumper stickers
I Know, Right?
all those who are opposed to speeding violations raise your right foot
Clueless Clem - International Dating Dunce
"like watching tennis, Cheri?" "oui!" "just a wee bit? okay, baseball then"
Little Red Writing 'Hood
i live in a red house on a writer's block but no one is writing
Quote of the Week
i went to a fight last Saturday night and a hockey game broke out ~
[humor attribution - #5 by Edmo Snord, #6 by Rodney Dangerfield, all others found online, sources unknown]
Categories:
clem, humor,
Form:
Monoku
The Fear.
Before the Good ol ' '48' The Fear was always there, should you, could you call the
Doc; must you rely on the gentry true or those who would rob you blue, or was it the
farmer fair or foul, or the factory boss who could not give a jot whetrher you or yours
were healthy or not: so long as could work all hours God sends, or don't over burden
the rich who would starve if they paid taxes fair while you can afford dirt wages cus
cussed you deserve no better because you aren't as good as your betters.
In Good ol' '48' Clem the PM and Nye who ministered to your health created what has
half-right called the UK's only relgion,and half -wrong our Christian culture not
completely gone; the churches led by the C of E came to the colours to reject to the
poverty and the pain of before the Second World War, the Brits won the People's War,
a new war began! Who would win over the Docs. who didn't want to play ball at all?
Would be the King's Doc. medic who hated the 'thing' - the NHS or great Churchill's Doc
who had the brains, the decency that that Welsh granite Nye Bevan would brook no
opposition to the People's principle, ALL will pay and ALL will not rue the day so the
NHS was not stillborn. Today, we have to end the complacency of some politocos, to
end the recklessness of others; remembering that it is for ALL so that those
abroad - some at home -who not wish well that British benefit - our NHS - do not
have the wit to understand it or the malevolence to destroy it -we must defend it!
Prevent the Fear returning!
Categories:
clem, health,
Form:
Free verse
Who was it?
Who was it sacked the fifteen thousand,
Who enjoys the sacking, he just smiles
Who has the public informing on public servants,
On who went to McDonalds for lunch with style,
Who was it fixed the hospitals,
Sacked the nurses, closed the wards,
Tory Doctors stopped complaining,
Not a whinge from them is heard?
Who was it?
Who was it promised the Public Servants,
Oh yes your jobs are safe?
Who wants contracts for all the workers,
Cheaper labor across the state,
Who was it, blames poor Anna,
For the cost of floods an cyclone,
Who is the meanest penny pincher,
uncrowned king upon the throne?
Nah not him, his brain’s on loan,
…
Who was it?
Who turfed out the handicapped,
From Council caravan parks and places,
Took Carer pensions from the parents,
While he smiles and laughs, erases,
Who never wanted the Clem7 tunnel,
And said it wasn’t me,
And in the council t’was mouth a funnell,
Who now lies so eloquently,
Who was it,
the tunnel pusher in council, was,
Clem 7 failed to make the rich, richer,
undermined ole Brisbane, just because,
too dear, no money in the picture,
the greedy tolls, failed thereof,
the money guys are surely bitter,
because of no shiny glitter,
money of, no money of ….
very sad hey….
Who is running our state?
Don Johnson
Categories:
clem, adventure,
Form:
Ballad
When Clem finally made it into town
Leading his horse and swearing
The townfolk looked at him askance
But, Clem totally wasn't caring
He had walked the last five miles
His horse had thrown a shoe
Walking wasn't his favorite sport
But, there was nothing else to do
He was mighty hungry
His throat was desert dry
He planned to get a juicy steak
And great, big, bottle of rye
He left his horse with the smithy
Then walked across the street
He decided to quench his thirst
Before he went to eat
Trina was dancing in the saloon that day
A lady so sweet and fair
With silver buckles on her shoes
And rhinestones in her hair
Clem felt his heart skip a beat
And knew he had fallen in love
He didn't realize he was staring
Til a big man gave him a shove
"That's my woman", the big man said
"So, put your eyes back in their socket"
And without the slightest warning
Drew a derringer from his pocket
Clem tried to leave without a fight
But the big man stood in his way
Just one shot was all it took
To kill Clem that day
The marshal arrested the big man
Clem was buried on Boot Hill
The smithy auctioned off his horse
To pay his funeral bill
WhenTrina left town soon after that
She wanted to say goodbye
So she left a rose on poor Clem's grave
And a great, big, bottle of rye
Categories:
clem, death, life, people, horse,
Form:
Rhyme
Somewhere off by a stream,
an old Rabbit told a tale
to his forty eight grand kids
and great grandkids,
Under the sunny sun they sat,
the oldster under the shade of a willow,
all of them had honey and bread,
each waiting to hear the tale.
A Butterfly floated lazily by,
and a Mockingbird chirrupped in the ferns.
Momma Rabbit called on out,
and the oldster said
"No, stay awhile!"
so the mummy Bunny sat on down,
in the mossy grass by the stream,
folding her floral apron neatly.
No cloud in the sky disrupted the tale,
and the forty eight little ones
all were smiling,
the mummy Bunny was too,
as the day slowly went by.
The Mockingbird came to listen,
as did Ole Mister Tortiose,
and Stork Dan,
who came with Panther Rose,
who was always with Cub Fen,
And Fen's friend Hawk Clay,
who carried in his claws Snail Clem,
who begged Adder Serpenz to help,
and soon all of the Swamp was there,
to here the oldster's fine tale,
under the sun in the glade by the stream,
with the breeze so gentle
and the grasshoppers buzzing,
until the story was done.
When it was done, the rest were gone,
but little Snail Clem was still trying to go,
so the oldster picked him up,
and took him to the water's edge,
set him there and took up his cane,
and walked away in the woods,
still telling himself the tales of old.
Categories:
clem, animals, friendship, people, sun,
Form:
Idyll (Idyl)
The Verbose South Street Suit Salesman
I’ve been around, Mac
I’m sharp as a tack and I can keep track
Of 200 suits hung neat on the rack
What colors we have and even the black
It’s also a fact that I’ve got a knack
For what ties to use when business is slack
I can pick out the shirt to go with the tie
To wear with the suit and pick out the shoes
To go over the socks with the color I choose
Come here, young man, you’ve got nothing to lose
What’s your name, well hi there, Clem
You short on cash, here’s an ATM
for 100 bucks, this jacket will fit you like a glove
This design was created as an act of love
Try it on, go ahead, now don’t you look great
I swear it’s like bait to get you a date
But you must buy this tie to complete the match
When you walk out the door, you’ll be quite a catch
Now go see Luigi, he’ll measure you up
There’s shirts in that corner and belts over there
Get rid of those shoes you want wing tips to wear
Here’s my card, just mention my name
I’ll slip you a shirt if you bring someone here
Until I see you again, always dress well
Those jeans are for hayseeds , they don’t ring a bell
Your very best rhyme all the time Contest
Sponsored by Brenad Chiri
August 31, 2017
Categories:
clem, rap,
Form:
Rhyme
The South Street Suit Salesman
I’ve been around for quite awhile
and I'm sharp as a tack
and I can keep track
of 100 suits hung neat on a rack
what colors we have and even the black
It's also a fact that I've got a knack
for what ties to use when business is slack
I can pick out a shirt to go with the tie
to wear with the suit and pick out the shoes
to go over the socks with the color I choose
come here , young man, you've got nothing to lose
what's your name, well hi there, Clem
You're short on cash, here's an ATM
for 100 bucks this jacket will fit you like a glove
this design was created as an act of love
try it on, go ahead, now don't you look great
I swear it's like bait to attract a chick
but you must buy this tie to complete the match
when you walk out that door you'll be quite a catch
Now go see Luigi, he'll measure you up
there's shirts in that corner and ties over there.
get rid of those shoes you want these wing tips to wear.
Here's my card, just mention my name
I'll slip you a shirt if you bring someone here
Until I see you again, always dress well
Jeans are for hayseeds, they don't ring a bell
Advertisement: sell something etc.
Sponsored by Lewis Raynes
March 7, 2018
Categories:
clem, motivation,
Form:
Rhyme
I reckon I'm revealing my age when about radio days I pen,
But I fondly recall listening to our Philco radio 'way back then.
What wondrous tales, mysteries and pure comedy from it flowed,
By simply tweaking the tuning knob on the dial that brightly glowed!
I sprawled upon the floor nigh the Philco letting my imagination flow,
As cowboys, pilots, pirates and comedians performed their show!
I laughed as Jack Benny struggled to play his screaky violin,
And thrilled to the music of Glenn Miller and Irving Berlin!
I followed the escapades of teacher Eve Arden as Our Miss Brooks,
And the family sitcom starring Fanny Brice as Baby Snooks!
There was Hopalong Cassidy, The Cisco Kid and The Lone Ranger,
In shootouts with the bad guys protecting the good guys from danger!
I felt tingles along my spine hearing Inner Sanctum's creaking door,
As Richard Widmark began his weekly series with scary tales galore!
Red Skelton's Clem Kaddidlehopper and Sheriff Deadeye kept me in stitches,
And the eerie episodes of Lights Out nearly scared me outta my britches!
The Life of Riley and Fibber McGee and Molly aired on Sunday nights,
And later I enjoyed listening to The Bickersons and their perpetual fights!
Happily, I have many of those old shows on tape that I play now and then,
When I tire of the inane rubbish on TV due to my short attention span!
Categories:
clem, nostalgia,
Form:
Rhyme
Watching the elephants parade nearby.
The glitter began to cascade down.
All the little children waited the call.
The circus had finally come to town.
Clem the clown waltzed in with a broom.
He squirted himself with a bouquet flowers.
Pulling out a nine foot patchwork hankie.
Cheers of joy gave him magical powers.
Of all the dreams that he held.
In the palm of his gloved hand.
Without a smile of utter joy.
He fell down in sync with the band.
Make-up so sad what tragedies did he hold.
A little girl inched closer to know the truth.
Wanting to ask, why do you frown?
She shyly smiled showing a missing tooth.
Clem extended his hand with a graceful bow.
Coming up, displaying paper flowers with care.
Giving them to her with a little wink.
She took them proudly, with a nervous stare.
Speechless, she stood by in complete awe.
Clem walked away with a quick grin.
She watched as if a movie star went by.
Oh to be so young, sweetly innocent again.
Categories:
clem, celebration, child, childhood, smile,
Form:
Rhyme
Mistress Clem collected a variety of rose quartz.
She knew the value of the gem’s properties.
Rose quartz will bring you love and family.
Did It work?
Of course not! She snapped at me.
I never expected it to.
I thought you had a date.
He would not have worked out.
I cancelled it.
Nothing good ever happens to me.
People are always doing me wrong.
My life is a swirl in God’s toilet bowl.
I wondered if rose quartz had ever worked this hard in her life.
Categories:
clem, life,
Form:
Free verse