Best Chigger Poems
(song lyrics)
Verse 1:
Now I can’t go fishin’, ‘cuz ya’ sold my rod and reel
Can’t go snow-racin’, ‘cuz ya’ sold my snowmobile
And I got flaws - that’s for sure - and sometimes run amuck
But the final straw that I can’t take: Ya’ sold my pickup truck
Chorus:
You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far
Verse 2:
I didn’t care when ya’ bought that stuff on TV’s QVC
Or ‘cause ya’ always thought of me as your private Money Tree
Or catalog-orderin’ ever’thing from within ol’ Sears Roebuck
But I’ll be danged if I’ll sit still since ya’ sold my pickup truck!
Chorus:
You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far
Verse 3:
So I went and saw a gypsy gal, and a curse on you imposed
To put sand in your chewin' gum and runners in your panty hose
And all your clothes and accessories to never, ever match
And chiggers in your bed sheets - so you’ll always have to scratch!
Chorus:
You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far
Verse 4:
I seen ya’ last Saturday night at Bubba’s Bar and Grill
The image of you in stripes and checks remains within me still
And them red chigger welts upon your nose and face
Tells me that the gypsy curse is workin’ ever’ place!
Chorus:
You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far
Categories:
chigger, anger, conflict, fun, funny,
Form:
Lyric
at age 12
Chigger bites, mighty small, are no fun.
Hard to see, they will bite any one.
Get bit on that thing,
laughter it will bring,
when it swells like a clover leaf bun.
A hot tub, a long soak and you rant.
The sulfur smells horrid I will grant.
Visiting, the kin,
trying to get in,
but the one gets a look is my aunt.
Jan 2010 For Deb's Contest 9/9/5/5/9
Categories:
chigger, funny
Form:
Limerick
My sweet tarantula was a complicated lady
She loved a small hunting spider chigoe chigger Freddie
This was not at all a spider life style
"You must be a cougar once in a while "
Tara listened her face glistened " papa food is ready"
Tara my sweet Tarantula/Limerick/humor-nonsense-fun
© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty 21 November 2014
Categories:
chigger, fun, humor, nonsense,
Form:
Limerick
In the foothills of the Ozarks Arkansas
Those mountains a calling, come and play the game
From prison came Joe to see his ailing pa
Furloughed from prison won notorious fame
Frances met him in their secret rendezvous
Sweet blonde Frances Standridge, eyes of baby blue
Her lover the sly fox of Chigger hollow
Taught her teenage virtue a newfound shallow
For and in Honor of Dr Rams Contest
Categories:
chigger, passion
Form:
Rispetto
Cinqo De Mayo...When a Brooklyn thug target shoots at a floating jar of Hellman's.
Dutch- Where do they come from? I've looked at atlases dozens of times, and
can't find a country called Dutch, or Dutchland.
Dusty Springfield- why doesn't someone get her a dust-buster, or dust rag, or
something?
Refried Beans- What's that about? Didn't they fry them right the first time?
Chigger- defamatory label for a person half Chinese, and half Black.
Endomorph- Quitting a serious drug habit.
Hoe-Down- 1)Dropping your garden tool. 2)A prostitute rendered unconscious.
Ignoramus- A hippo who failed in high-school.
Knee-Jerk-A person whose brains are in his shins.
Primate- A burglar's cohort with the crowbar.
More may be added later, and all are welcome to contribute, either in comments,
or e-mail me and I'll add them.
Categories:
chigger, confusion, funny, imagination, on
Form:
Burlesque
Cowboys don’t fear the coyote,
he just yips and yowls,
But the wolf is another story,
your blood chills when he howls.
And a panther, will stalk you,
even in the dark,
And a bear, when he catches you,
will tear you clean apart.
The best thing about a snake bite,
is it kills you pretty quick,
And those “under a rock crawlies”,
their bite will make you deathly sick.
But the most vicious of the critters,
the one every Cowboy fears,
Inflicts a type of torture,
that can leave grown men in tears.
With a bite so excruciating,
it will make you wish that you were dead,
And there’s nothing more terrifying,
than when it raises it’s ugly head.
It attacks without warning,
it’s cold-hearted and just plain mean,
It considers all men prey,
and will any one that’s seen.
The suffering, is lingering,
and to this very day,
There’s no cure or medication,
that can take the pain away.
It’s just the size of a pin point,
and it don’t get much bigger,
But I’ve seen Cowboys brought to their knees,
by the savage bite, of the Chigger.
Categories:
chigger, cowboy-western, funny, song-men,
Form:
Cowboy Poetry
We’re living in a high tech age
Of megahertz and gigabytes,
But still can’t manage to assuage
The itch of tick and chigger bites.
Categories:
chigger, animals, children, funny, nature,
Form:
Conundrum
This confounding conundrum,
This continuing act of untying the pesky knots of existence,
This conniving, beating whirlwind of ever-swirling stresses,
Again served up on a plate mixed with legumes and angst,
Is taking all of us to the brink of aqueous insanity.
Life is eating at our gonads like a ravenous chigger,
And the madness of it all bites at our minds and hearts,
Leaving half dead infected people with terminal frowns.
We wake up every morning dreading the endless daily tasks,
The endless psycho-dramas concerning trivial insignificances,
The never-ending shuffles through the busy, hopeful turnstiles, to
Another turn of the page, another interminable trip to Magic City,
Where we all find our share of romantic nirvana dressed in grey suede.
But a dollar must be earned to pay the bill of the one who must pay his.
And so, we continue to breathe on reflexively and instinctively,
Like fat whales pulsing in a green bay.
Categories:
chigger, angst, life,
Form:
Free verse
The thing about chiggers:
I’m glad they’re not bigger.
They’ll make you go dancing
Like A. A. Milne’s Tigger.
Avoid ‘em with vigor!
When they pull the trigger,
Get under your waistband,
You may need a jigger.
Of whiskey! Of whiskey!
You’ve gotta ask right,
'Cuz chiggers are red
And jiggers are white.
O, chigger! O, jigger!
They both like to bite.
The former’s a flea;
The latter’s a mite.
Categories:
chigger, nursery rhyme, silly,
Form:
Rhyme
Not noted for its stature--
Most everything is bigger--
But nothing found in nature
Is more vicious than a chigger.
Whenever you're out hiking,
You must proceed with care.
This predator can pounce on you,
Before you even know it's there.
These ruby monsters run in packs
Of cruel, bloodthirsty dozens.
Of mamas, papas, and their kids.
Of uncles, aunts and cousins.
The risk from mountain lions is big.
From grizzlies even bigger.
But save me from that scarlet scourge,
The awesome mountain chigger.
Categories:
chigger, animals, funny, nature,
Form:
Four hundred years,
has it really been that long
My how time flies
when you’re singing captivity songs
2019 ...
oh, just living in modern vexation
Dwelling in the midst of a beguiled people,
who toil in concrete fields:
Pure medieval factory plantation
Dark minded people,
who live for their materialistic dreams —
Own a house,
purchase a car ...
possess the keys to another human being
Light-hearted sleepers
seriously addicted
to an ivory power narcotic wean,
in the year 2019
Emancipated slaves
still held in bondage by invisible chains
Debtors remorse
is a grievous, capitalist skin game
Four hundred years ...
yes, it’s been a chigger long time
My how the centuries crawl,
when you’re the byword imprisoned one
freedom silenced —
Tho’ you didn’t commit the crime
Categories:
chigger, anniversary, remembrance day, truth,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
Take a chance and dance with ants in your pants!
You'll wiggle and squirm; your belly will firm.
Run in the sun, tell a pun, have some fun!
Bustle your muscles, and hustle to Brussels.
Jump on the bump of a stump and get pumped!
Tickle a chicken; your ticker will quicken.
Jog on a log with a frog in a bog;
spy on a fly way up high in the sky.
With a quick flick, toss a stick to a tick;
jig with a chigger a little bit bigger.
Squirt some dessert on a yurt in the dirt;
float with a goat on a boat in a moat.
With timing, your rhyming gets better, not worse.
So pick up your pencil and go write a verse!
Categories:
chigger, children, silly,
Form:
Rhyme
is the teenth of june
found face painted on balloon
looked like a racoon
bitten by chigger
sores are bigger and bigger
once were on trigger
poems complicated
which were initiated
then replicated
did contain despair
records were beyond compare
them up trump did tare
there are those who delves
into books that are on shelves
wrote by tiny elves
not very pleasing
when I had started freezing
ended up sneezing
Categories:
chigger, allegory, analogy,
Form:
Haiku
Hello, moss-covered dirt suckers,
it’s a darkly new dawn
for a good autumnal leaf chew
Mulch to do ‘bout nothing,
Jack-o-Lanterns all want a toothy kiss
We’re living in tricky times,
so treat yourself to some hallow hubris
Mephisto risque morbid masquerade
sho’ got a gallows ballroom neon a-glitter glow
Disguised motives on a contraband traffic flow,
illegal cargo valet parked in the shade
Hollow pitch fork, pigsty pluckers ...
money parasitic leech suck, roll in the miry muck
Stool pigeon eyes pecking and clucking for a buck:
backward collar tombstone tuckers
Goodbye, vodka-breath, tart tongue demon twist,
lullaby to that crimson moon crypt croon
Falling debris of void entropy comes soon,
zombies on the chigger move to the hallow hubris
Categories:
chigger, halloween, humorous, imagery, scary,
Form:
Light Verse
Have Been Trigger Happy
Has been know to have a horse named Trigger;
Actually is happy because his horse is bigger;
A blatant lie,
Will pass by;
Was ticked off after being bitten by a chigger.
Jim Horn
Leaver it up to chiggers and tics.
Categories:
chigger, 1st grade
, allegory, analogy,
Form:
Limerick