Best Caddy Poems
Tiger Woods
By Victoria Anderson-Throop
What a hero-- Tiger Woods--
He sells golf and sporting goods.
Chases ladies in the night
Tells kids not to curse or fight
Tiger, Tiger burning bright--
You must learn to play it right.
When temptation’s in your face
Putt a caddy in your place.
Categories:
caddy, satire, tiger,
Form:
Rhyme
Clerihew—
WRITING THRU TYGER WOODS
Tiger,Tiger, burning bright--
Man of iron , get it right.
If temptation‘s in your face
Putt a caddy in your place.
Categories:
caddy, people, satire,
Form:
Clerihew
Dedicated to My Daddy, My Father, My Dad
Eighteen years of grieving tears have not ceased my missing of you, Daddy!
Daily, I speak prayers aloud, asking that I shall never forget your voice.
Most of my Daddy memories, I fold tender inside my joy caddy.
Some fears still taunt, haunt me about losing past shared times of clarity,
While precious, Dad-vivid recall remains my heart’s held, treasured rarity.
It saddens me that our forty-two years were ended by fate's own choice.
As this sadness hits now, my tears fresh-fall hopes for remembrance charity
For I still develop needs for you, my wondrous and devoted Daddy.
... CayCay Jennings
10-26-16
Categories:
caddy, dad, death, grief, love,
Form:
Rhyme
Zany insanity,
he’s a buffoon from the moon-
Quipster and hipster,
he’s a complicated pantaloon.
Prankster gangster,
tactless with madness-
Wisecracker and entertainer
is he fun, or full of sadness?
He’s humorous and caddy,
frivolous yet crabby-
Gabby and a chump,
a lark and real tacky.
Life of the party,
wears pants full of smarty-
A cracker-upper,
always late for supper.
You may wonder who I speak of,
this satirist man that could be you-
He’s a practical trickster joker,
from the city of Katmandu.
He seems to be famous,
he may be very acclaimed,
he’s notorious for being a jester,
and Robin Williams is his name!
August 9, 2017
Categories:
caddy, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
She grabbed at the quarter full pop bottle neck,
cream soda from Marsh’s,
and held like a truncheon, in the harshest
of voices
produced an otherworldly sound, GETOUT!!
“Give me a chance” and he stepped forward.
Stood aside her I moved towards
“****ing try it”
I’d never seen those eyes.
GETOUT!!
He turned and left.
He never normally got angry,
or swore.
I’d only heard him twice before.
Once as a just unwrapped Dunlop 65, badly hooked, hit the Irish Sea and brought blasphemy and profanity,
“Jesus ****ing Christ”
and as he handed me his driver an inappropriate hidden smirk from me,
his Sunday morning caddy,
for a couple of shots and 20p
The second at Elland road,
stood on the Gelderd End Kop,
Clarke swivelling before side footing in from twelve yards with me sat atop
a stanchion,
him stood behind,
“Get the f*** in” and he shook me as I cheered,
right arm aloft,
scarf tied on the wrist,
mimicking Sniffers celebration.
Sharing in the mass elation.
The best birthday treat.
It wasn’t our fight.
The adults crumbled.
We were let down on all sides.
Pre safeguarding times.
No support, no care.
Only the adults got choices,
not the era to listen
to five scared tyke voices.
Categories:
caddy, anger,
Form:
Prose Poetry
she was the victim of amplified suicide
what does that mean? I asked Detective McBride
She tried to hang herself first, he rapidly replied
But the knot in the rope had become untied
She took fifty-nine pills from a bottle
which explains why her skin has a bit of a mottle
she finally crashed her caddy into a bridge
in the next county over, by Strawberry ridge
How do you know it wasn’t an accident? I dared to ask.
The sixty-two-page suicide note next to her aluminum flask.
amplified suicide was a strange and new term to me.
But now a concept that I finally could see.
Categories:
caddy, suicide,
Form:
Rhyme
I'm painting up my face and nails
with just a touch of teen.
Cos' Mama's inspection never fails;
of child and adult I'm in between.
Daddy answers the door below;
a nervous young man appears.
Glaring with a fatherly glow
dear old dad nearly brought him to tears!
Quickly I brush my hair once more
and down the stairs I fly.
Bye we say and we're out the door;
I swear I saw my mama cry!
Off we go in his silver caddy
and I ask him where we're going.
I'm sweet sixteen and free of Daddy
so I guess my excitement was showing.
To a movie and casual dinner
is what this boy had planned.
I said "sounds like a winner"
and thus the flames were fanned.
He treated me to a burger and fries;
afterwards we shared a kiss.
All you could hear were panting sighs;
my practice pillow never felt like this!
A very special night of firsts-
my first kiss, my first date.
The night rolled on with happy bursts
until it grew to be late.
I never wanted all this to end-
thought I was falling in love!
Impressionable it was easy to send
my heart up to heaven above
And so that was my very first date-
finally at home I did arrive.
Daddy was waiting by the front gate
to make sure his little girl was alive!
for Frank H's contest "First Date"
Categories:
caddy, dad, daughter, mother, teen,
Form:
Rhyme
On either side
Of a crowded family dinner table
There are signs of ambition and resentment
Success and failure
Marked by those who pass
The plate
And those who only take.
A lighter than air blimp
Floated
Lazy circles
High above a City
Of breadlines desperation
As New York struggled
Through the Great Depression.
Hank was tough
Self reliant and hungry
Eager to impress
He washed
And waxed
His uncle’s car
Calloused hands
Carefully caressing
The sleek curves
Of a 1938 V16 Caddy.
Catching his reflection
In the chrome grill work
He ignored
The rough lines
In his face
Focusing instead
On the money
And power behind
The car.
Wet sponge
Going up and down
The rich’s man car
Sweat pouring down his neck
Pails of water
Clanging an alarm
Under an August sun
Having never owned a car
Hank
Was dismayed
When the wax
Clouded
Up
In the summer heat.
Well dressed
Republican
Hands on hips
Uncle was upset
At what he saw
Incompetence
Was wasted time.
The sudsy water
Drained away
Any hopes of
Hank getting a job
In his uncle’s firm.
The Depression was a disaster
For some it came sooner
For Uncle it came later
Packing a surprise punch
That was catastrophic
Uncle lost everything.
The house
The fancy parties
And the ‘38 Caddy with dual spare tires mounted on each front
Gone for pennies on the dollar.
Ever resourceful
Hank got a job as a clerk
In the US Patent Office
One day
He realized
Beef and potatoes
On a modest clerk’s salary
Tasted better than Uncle’s lavish dinners
The seeds of disappointment
From that summer’s day
Occasionally came back
To remind him what was meant to be
Thinking of his red faced Uncle
In a starched shirt
On that hot August afternoon
Hank broke into a wide grin
And ordered another plate of beef stew.
Categories:
caddy, lifeaugust,
Form:
Narrative
"What did you do in the big war, Daddy?"
(Is often asked by a soldier's laddie.)
"I'm proud you asked me that son;
I packed a golf bag and gun,
Since I was the Gen'ral's guard and caddy!"
Categories:
caddy, golf, humorous, war,
Form:
Limerick
Ode to the Senior Golfer
Pitch and putt I never worried about
‘cause all my drives were long and stout
Now off the tee it doesn’t fly so far
And all I can do is hope for par
On my card 3’s are 4’s and 4’s became 5
Oh how I long for a 300 yard drive
It’s only a game, some say unkind
But it grabs at your heart and messes your mind
It’s only a game still others proclaim
Front nine was fun, the back nine shame
So before I tee, I ask my Lord
Just once put my name atop the leader board
Now it’s early to bed so I can dream
Of birdies and eagles and a jacket that’s green
Written by my caddy
Sir Duffy Mulligan
FOUR!
?
Categories:
caddy, angst, golf, green, old,
Form:
Rhyme
We locked eyes
You stared into my soul
We exchange numbers
Wild nights
Pimp caddy turned out
Humid steamy nights
Memorize on you
My love screaming
Inside of me
Years later still,
Still come to as one
Your soul give me a rush
Lovers in the parking lot
Chemistry unexplainable
Can't get over you
Categories:
caddy, cute love, how i
Form:
Free verse
Hattie gladly had a fatty patty.
If a bad fatty patty had Hattie,
That fatty patty would’ve made Hattie batty;
But, Hattie had a rad fatty patty!
The fad-clad Hattie is also a caddy.
“And gladly,” chatted Hattie, “I take after daddy.”
Hattie’s daddy, Mattie, was a caddy as a laddie.
But once Mattie had Hattie, a bad caddy was Mattie, and now the caddy’s Hattie.
But Mattie chatted, gladly, “Me Hattie’s a natty!”
All the laddies were gladly mad for Hattie, and turned caddy.
But Hattie’s chatty daddy chatted, now batty,
“Stray from me Hattie, laddies. Me Hattie is gladly a rad-fatty-patty-eating caddy
that took aft’ her daddy!”
Categories:
caddy, father daughter, golf,
Form:
Rhyme
There once was a golfer named Natty
Who hired a young caddy called Patty
Patty loved gossip
Natty said 'Stop it!'
'Just caddy! You're driving me batty!'
Categories:
caddy, funny, sports,
Form:
Limerick
There once was a young Leprechaun Paddy,
who it's said was the spit of his Daddy.
With orange skin and red hair,
he looked really rare.
Like Trump when he was a wee caddy.
Categories:
caddy, fairy, humorous, parody,
Form:
Limerick
****, Vaginal or Rectal or Pterodactyl
Thee ae many things that may become fragile;
Either ****, Vaginal or Rectal or else Pterodactyl
So why to the poor only give them a passel?
While rich enjoy living in their ivory castle.
Are always some plays known as razzle dazzle
Over which I presume people get in a hassle
When performance should be on schedule
Or end up in a danger that is perpetual.
At first was abysmal as well as abominable
Became perfect play such a phenomenal
And then later we decently did admire
His igniting team setting them on fire.
Done gingerly lacked hindsight and grotesque
That put the whole team to a turbulent task
Really being rascals like caddy coaches are
Turned each team member into a rising star.
Jim Horn
Categories:
caddy, humorous,
Form:
Couplet