Jan Allison Poet Ghazal

Notes About The Poem

Your Final Journey - Emotive Write

FICTION WRITE FOR CONTEST

Salty tears fell from my blue eyes, when I kissed you goodbye
I begged please don’t drive till sunrise, when I kissed you goodbye

Soft snowflakes were falling from the sky, but you weren’t deterred -
You’d promised that you’d meet the guys, when I kissed you goodbye

You replied that you’d be fine, as it wasn’t far to go
I told you that it wasn’t wise, when I kissed you goodbye 

We exchanged harsh words that terrible night; you told me that      
it’s not my place to criticise, when I kissed you goodbye  

Your car skidded on ice; a policeman came to my door.
I’d been so right to agonise, when I kissed you goodbye

As I sat by your bedside on the night you passed away
my sadness I could not disguise, when I kissed you goodbye


Contest Form G Sponsored By Broken Wings
(Wasn’t* has been counted as 2 syllables not 1 as on how many syllables)

02~03~17

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Constance La France February 11, 2017 at 7:34 PM Jan congratulations on your first place in my contest with this beautiful poem, it really touched my heart~ Jan Allison February 12, 2017 at 10:03 AM Thanks so much Constance I was delighted to place so well in the contest:-) hugs jan xx

Mark Martin February 11, 2017 at 12:00 PM Liked this Jan - congratulations! :-) Jan Allison February 11, 2017 at 12:04 PM Thanks so much Mark I really enjoy writing this form I think this is only my second poem using the ghazal form:-) hugs jan xx

Darren White February 11, 2017 at 3:24 AM Congratulations, Jan, I loved this very much :) Jan Allison February 11, 2017 at 5:14 AM Thanks Darren I was delighted to place so well:-) hugs jan xx

Charlie Smith February 9, 2017 at 6:43 AM Tuff form, beautifully mastered, congratulations Jan... Jan Allison February 9, 2017 at 8:03 AM Thanks Charlie I was delighted to place so well:-)hugs Jan xx

Carrie Richards February 8, 2017 at 10:17 AM You have painted the scene as if in a movie. Well done, Jan. I pray this was fictional and not fact.....it is such a sad, sad story . Congratulations on your win ! Jan Allison February 8, 2017 at 5:46 PM I'm amazed how I can switch from humour to sadness so easily Carrie. In fact I can't believe how i have taken to writing poetry:-) hugs Jan xx

Kim Rodrigues February 8, 2017 at 8:12 AM Lovely, Jan! Congrats on your win! Jan Allison February 8, 2017 at 5:44 PM Thanks Kim:-) hugs Jan xx

Joanna Daniel February 8, 2017 at 3:17 AM I'm back to congratulate you on your well deserved win, Jan:) Jan Allison February 8, 2017 at 5:43 PM Thanks so much Jo:-) hugs Jan xx

Joanna Daniel February 7, 2017 at 8:43 AM Very heartfelt write, Jan:) if only children listen to their parents, many of the accidents would not take place!! Jan Allison February 7, 2017 at 4:48 PM It is such a sad scenario Jo. I do hope Constance likes my take on the theme:-) hugs jan xx

John Herlihy February 6, 2017 at 5:46 AM A very sad tale. The repetition is downright haunting, if not hypnotizing. When I read some of my poetry to my (female) students (I work at a university in the Middle East), they like to repeat in chorus the last word (or two) in each line as I read. They told me it was an Arab poetic tradition. This poem reminded me of that. JH Jan Allison February 6, 2017 at 6:33 AM I've only written one of this form before John its quite a challenge to get it to flow and to have internal rhyme too:-) thanks for your lovely comment:-) hugs Jan xx

Elizabeth Kinch February 5, 2017 at 3:37 PM Thankyou for commenting on my poem - Miscarriage. I love this one of yours. Haven't attempted this form myself yet, will have to give it a go. You've enthused me. Jan Allison February 5, 2017 at 3:41 PM Its only my second attempt at the form I look forward to reading yours:-) hugs Jan xx

Wendy Rycroft February 5, 2017 at 3:23 PM 10/10 great poem Jan x Jan Allison February 5, 2017 at 3:28 PM Thanks Wendy its only my second attempt at the form:-) hugs Jan xx

Paul Callus February 5, 2017 at 1:53 PM Emotive, and with a lesson to go with it. I still have to write an Ghazal; you beat me to it! Hugs // paul Jan Allison February 5, 2017 at 1:58 PM It;s only my second attempt and I still have much to learn about the form:-) hugs Jan xx

Pashang Salehi February 5, 2017 at 10:54 AM Wow Jan Ghazal..... Very very nice... Pashang Salehi February 10, 2017 at 2:06 AM Congratulation on your win....deservedly so... Jan Allison February 7, 2017 at 4:49 PM Thanks for you guidance Pashang, the change in the first stanza and altering the order of some of the other stanzas has transformed the poem and I am truly grateful for you taking the time to advise me I still have much to learn:-) hugs Jan xx Pashang Salehi February 5, 2017 at 7:37 PM Changing the stanza was a brilliant.... Always Pashang Jan Allison February 5, 2017 at 10:58 AM Thanks Pashang its only the second one I've written I hope Constance likes it:-) hugs Jan xx

Carol B. February 4, 2017 at 6:02 PM Very sad but happy to see this is a fictional write. Great write! Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 6:05 PM Thanks Carol yes thankfully its fiction but I'm sure there have been tragedies which people can sadly relate to:-( hugs jan xx

Carolyn Devonshire February 4, 2017 at 2:34 PM What a sad tale, Jan. I think you and I see a "movie reel" version as we read poems like this. I "saw" this tragedy unfolding vividly through your descriptive words. Excellent work! Best wishes in the contest Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 2:36 PM I try and picture the scene in my mind and write a poem around it ... I never know what my muse will come up with once the initial idea springs to mind:-) hugs Jan xx

Tim Smith February 4, 2017 at 11:10 AM So sad Jan...as a parent I can feel your heart sink with the knock on the door. Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 11:15 AM I can only imagine the scenario Tim it must be any parents worst nightmare:-( hugs Jan xx

Joseph May February 4, 2017 at 10:06 AM A heartfelt write Jan...best wishes Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 10:22 AM Thanks Jospeh:-) hugs Jan xx

Winged Warrior February 3, 2017 at 10:42 PM Only you can bring this fiction write to life Jan...great Gazal...god bless...^WW^ Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 7:06 AM Thanks ^WW^ its only the second one I've written:-) hugs jan xx

Matthew Anish February 3, 2017 at 9:08 PM Is this a true story? You tell it in a very poignant way! Peace & Love Matthew Anish Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 7:07 AM Pure fiction for contest Matthew but sadly it could be true:-( hugs Jan xx

White Wolf February 3, 2017 at 7:16 PM A very sad poem, Jan! And yes, I've noticed that about the syllable counter! It isn't always correct, is it! GL in the contest, I'm sure this will place well! Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 7:08 AM Thanks WW I think we need to use out judgement with the syllable counters they can differ quite a lot:-) hugs jan xx

Frederic Parker February 3, 2017 at 4:27 PM glad to see you chose the form and not the NA for the contest..very well done..good luck Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 7:08 AM I didn't have a current n/a to use and I do like the challenge as I've only written one of this form before:-) hugs Jan xx

Pandita Sietesantos February 3, 2017 at 10:04 AM What a very tragic piece that left me teary-eyed- so sad to lose a child this way! A7 for sure! Hugs. Pandita Jan Allison February 3, 2017 at 11:38 AM Thanks Pandita it is a very sad poem:-) hugs Jan xx

Demetrios Trifiatis February 3, 2017 at 10:01 AM A beauty of a poem wrapped in tragedy! Hope it is a fiction dear, Jan! A seven! Hugs! Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 7:09 AM Pure fiction for the contest Demetrios:-) hugs Jan xx

Chris Green February 3, 2017 at 9:01 AM Sadly, this I am sure is true somewhere and way too often. Nicely expressed Jan. Jan Allison February 4, 2017 at 7:09 AM I'm sure there are some that can relate to a tragedy like this:-( hugs Jan xx