Wraith, Geist, or Wrath of the Failure

Seems my handwriting will never improve, Yearlong efforts, letters still oblong. Not quite right, but we pretend it’s not all bad, I fixate on each line, a prerequisite approach. So next and then that line and its spacing, proper striving for excellence, sentence, cursed to find some semblance, a distant echo. Earshot. Eardrum. POP! Outward rang disdain, my reality indifferent, Marks resembling a bell curve in chicken sketch, It distorts my outlook, tarnishes self-image. I try with practice sheets laid out, Only to be reminded of the horrors I scrawl within. Devastating, humiliating, Suppressing nausea, Sick of this, hating my own thoughts, Ruining half-decent poems or ideas. Regardless of merit or talent shown, sent into the fire. scribe on restroom walls its contrived and makes me writhe. I discard writing tools, My creative well runs dry, deceased, Gone, past tense, already done in. Progress slower than a snail, with kidney failures Skull soon exposed. I’ll tear at my scalp, Writing used to be fun. You'll say, 'shut my trap'. The torment I hold towards every pen, pencil, or marker on any shelf. Chasing after graphite, specific utensils, lead grade, ink, acrylic, I want them gone, obliterated, Every trace, every hint. EXTINGUISHED EVERY PEICE OF . . . Sorry, I get carried away... This heretic! The disappointment, Frail and brittle behind every attempt. All result in zero, void, null, nil. Here I sit, head in hands, My task forever incomplete, More setbacks, my drive and desire to compete. Now I understand why progress is elusive, unseen. Hard-scoped when each step shown seems hopeless rooted in the waste of regression. I would be remiss if my speech lacked spirit. Results: Inconclusive Next topic: I digress, I relinquish anima, Lay to rest a thousand eyes’ constraints, Seeking arrangements through attainment. If there's space to graze, then seize the day. Something bountiful in the invisible, Nature's beauty in the winds of change, Wrinkles on sheets of belief, A moment for molecules deem insignificant, Nested in the fabric of space-time, An embarrassment that's all mine, It is really all fine. Signed, A construct for mortality.