Words You Should Have Said

"...and in the end, letting go was a lot like falling in love. I had to learn to say goodbye to the one who gave me the courage to say hello." ~ r. m. drake So very long ago, or so it now seems, I lost you and every one of our dreams because you had changed so much inside, and became a stranger you couldn't hide. In all the years of loving you somehow, I think I always knew we would never make it to the end but I stayed, trying hard to pretend that we could save what we once had. Now it's all gone, the good and sad. I'm suffering through the healing years filling an ocean with swells of my tears, and still I cry; in bitter sorrow they pour while I wish I didn't love you anymore. Do you know what you should've said on any night we lay together in bed? "I'm sorry that I've made you cry. Please don't leave. Don't say goodbye. Tell me it's not too late. I know I'm wrong and my problem has gone on much too long. I'll get help, like you ask because I'm to blame. I don't want to lose you, and I feel ashamed. I know I turned from you by closing the door but I promise not to shut you out anymore. I need you at my side. Please stay with me. I'll be a better husband, you'll see because I want to keep you by my side. Please, tell me your love hasn't died." Those are the words I longed to hear and saying them would've kept me near. The words were in my head, not in your heart. It was your weakness that tore us apart. I wanted to see your repentant tears fall. I pleaded with you and through it all you didn't say anything I needed to hear. Your demon held you in the clutches of fear. You allowed evil to have its beguiling way as you became more of a stranger each day. I'll always have regrets, and for you I still long, but I had to write the last line to our love song. I tremble each time i remember walking away and my heart aches for you every day. Some mornings I wake without you, biting my lip and wipe my tears away with a fingertip. You're still within my heart, no matter what I do. I cannot vanquish the memories of me and you.