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Will She Won'T She

Dear,please kiss these lips.. that others knew For now my love vow.. given you Hold fast, past is past.. true love does last Forgive again,see.. our die is cast My love with these words please smile anew Dearest hear,this song.. it's all of you Dear heart may they ring.. an echo true Sweetheart no,no,no.. don't depart

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Petra Markham

Date: 11/9/2011 1:01:00 AM

If you're going to be so strict with the metre, then you should be as strict with the rhyme also. Looking specifically at the rhyming of lines 1 and 2 - you do this in verses 2 and 3, but not elsewhere. Your rhyming pattern appears to be ABC DDC EEE FGE HIJ KLJ MNJ MOM This scattergun approach to rhyme just doesn't work. Sorry, friend.

Kyle Kriticos

Date: 9/24/2011 8:44:00 PM

The beautiful flow of your poem makes the reader feel your pain at the end. Great write, Brian.

Carol Sunshine Brown

Date: 9/23/2011 7:07:00 PM

Happy weekend I enjoyed reading your outstanding poetry today Brian. Love, Carol