Why me?

I belong to no one. I wasn’t made to be loved it seems. And then there was you. You lied. If you were mine and I was yours, Why did you stomp on it? Was our love less real? Less worthy? Were you afraid? Did my realness slap across your face like a cold wind on a winter day? Because I’ve never seen someone more alive. I’ve never seen a happier man. And now i’m just this, an empty vessel. Your love was contractual. Something to hide and keep locked up like a message in a bottle. I loved you out loud. I felt you in my spirit, you were like the sunshine in the morning. I was happy. It wasn’t for the control, the lies, the deceit. But for the way you rubbed my feet when we made love. The way you rubbed my nose and told me to hush when the world got too heavy. So why can’t I stop the tears from welling up? None of it was real. None of it was enough. Or maybe I wasn’t enough. Enough to protect. Enough to honor. Was it my skin tone? Or my curly hair? Was it that i’m not as successful? Not as perfect? I’m haunted by your memories. If what we had was real, why am i standing in the same spot alone. Without you my love? Cold. Empty. Alone in a crowd of people. Staring at water twice as beautiful but just as unforgiving. Why me?