Who I Used To Be

I hate myself for letting go For losing my light For giving up hope For letting my faith fade I hate myself for letting others down Knowing I’ve disappointed Knowing I let myself down But most of all letting God down I hate hearing of who I used to be I hate remembering of who I used to be I hate wondering if I can ever get it back I hate that people can see See the twinkle gone See the real smile gone See someone who was once this amazing Godly woman Is now……this….. I hate being asked about church It reminds me how I’ve been hurt How I loved and never judged How I needed them and no one was there How the things they said cut me so deep How people who I thought loved me Only loved the idea of me I felt everything I did The love I gave My heart I gave Everyone turned the other way They left me alone God left me alone To trek through this muddy mess I’ve been snagged Cut Beaten Fallen down I’m not as clean as I once was I’m tattered and torn I may not shine as bright Or smile as much But I’m still marching on With or without anyone I trek on