Who Has R.S.V.P'Ed For the Pity Party?

Where is my confidence I have so longed before to build? I'll tell ya where... in the sewer next to rats and carcuses These carcuses are the remains of my childhood The moments when I was banished from being loved Over the years I've tried to cry for relief but anger is much easier to release Breaking tradition by giving thanks, into my parade it's just me It's always been just me and nobody else I can smile, be curtious, and attentive Deep in mind I'm just contemplating... SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Don't say it... Suicide! Suffocation is best by plastic Gunshots are heard late only when People's conceitedness has gone and they wonder the same about you A hanging is truly a metaphor for how you really wanted your life to be... at the top Now my feet are scraping dirt graves for more bones It's not self-pity it's self preservation for the disappointment I've created within my mind Failing to compete or accomplish Succeeding at random on things that make me weep in desolation Too many hospitals to diagnose a simple problem we all face I wonder if I sleep with the psychiatrist will he give me a lesser symptom Like... Diabetes, because my personality is too sweet Or High blood pressure, cause I'm such a great thinker Or if I'm lucky Alzheimers, so now I can forget in peace The tragedies I wrote produced and starred in Only by myself