When You Are Ready

Kublai has swollen lymph nodes in his throat that is why it is hard for him to eat. The lymph nodes have spread down his back, he won't last long. When it is time he won't eat at all. I will give you thirty days of pills to help him eat. When you are ready... Kublai was the happy white dog who came up to me to play. Genghis not trusting ran away, stopped and stared. Not Kublai he licked my hands as I petted him and started to chew them. Funny little boy, so smooth was his hair as a young pup, he would get so shaggy in old age. Kublai wanted me to take care of him, after Genghis saw I did not hurt him he allowed me to touch him.They had been sleeping outside by my bedroom window, made a bed out of tall grass. It was late March and still cool. I saw them running wild in the neighborhood, chasing cars and people on bikes, barking at everyone and running away, free. Super fast the two gypsy dogs. I gave them water, then food, filling sympathy for the little guys, when I came home from work they were lying in chairs on my front porch wagging their tails at me. One day I open the door and they ran into my bed room upon my bed. I gather them for a bath. They chewed my house but I kept them anyway, furniture did not survive them. Kublai would eat the carpet, chew holes in it like a little billy goat. But we knew we were bonded and belong together. Through the years they made me smile and laugh at their antics and being silly little dogs. Kublai was more reserved but sweet, while Genghis barked everything away. Kublai wanted to play, he would bite at Genghis upset that every stray dog would run off from the fence and not play with Kublai, the sillys would fight more of a show, snarling showing teeth but nothing ever happened. Just Kublai setting alone by the fence longing for the return of whatever Genghis satisfied chased off. When young he would jump up to me on couch or bed and want me to scratch his chest. Kublai always had kisses. He liked to chew my hands, never hurt me. Now Kublai sleeps a lot, the pills did work and he has eaten better the past few days. Sassy and Genghis do not know Kublai won't be with us long. Sassy still uses old fluffy fussy boy is a pillow, he is soft. I find myself just picking him up and holding him, not ever wanting to let the little guy go. He still squirms and as I set him down so gently Sassy and Genghis make such a fuss over him. I don't think I will ever be ready, don't want him to suffer but now he is still good. At times when I am at my desk I feel him sitting on the floor staring at me. He just looks at me. I call his name but he never comes any more just softly walks and fades away, away, away... Kublai a good boy, loyal dog. When can I be ready...