When Will I Be Good Enough

When will I ever be good enough? That one stupid question that plagues my dreams day after day after day and all I want in this world is for someone to say that I’ll be okay. Even though I know the whole world is falling apart and I might never see the sun rise again. I want everything to stop. To slow down but just for a moment. I need to breathe and to not feel and to release all of this pent up anxiety. But I’m sad all the time and just want to be left alone because depression is more than just a word. It is pain and broken dreams scattered along the bottom of a mountain with ALMOST carved into the side of the overhanging cliff like a leftover nightmare. Too scared to keep going and not strong enough to give up. Stuck in the middle hoping someone pulls the trigger instead of letting you do it yourself. When will I finally have had enough? But if you can’t give up on yourself it can only be a matter of mere moments before someone else decides that they don’t want you around. And so you let their nasty words snuff out the last shred of hope that you had left in your tiny soul. And you’re not sorry that you kept trying but despite everything you told yourself, you decided to give up because you knew they were all right. Because there is not enough good to go around in this world. It is a mess of terrible people who only have the courage to say mean things because they themselves are insecure about this that and the other thing. And we all know that life only gets worse. So what’s the point anymore? Why not just give up? Let the people who said that I was stupid and pathetic and annoying and broken win. Because even though I kept telling myself they were wrong, they were right. And I’ll ever be good enough to win this fight.