Email Poem

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Poem

When will I ever be good enough?
That one
stupid question
that plagues my dreams
day
after day
after day
and all I want in this world
is for someone to say
that I’ll be okay.
Even though I know
the whole world is falling apart
and I might never see the sun
rise again.

I want everything to stop.
To slow down
but just for a moment.
I need to breathe
and to not feel
and to release
all of this pent up anxiety.
But I’m sad all the time
and just want to be left alone
because depression is more
than just a word.

It is pain and broken dreams
scattered along the bottom
of a mountain with
ALMOST
carved into the side
of the overhanging cliff
like a leftover nightmare.
Too scared to keep going
and not strong enough
to give up.
Stuck in the middle
hoping someone pulls the trigger
instead of letting you
do it yourself.
When will I finally have had enough?

But if you can’t give up on yourself
it can only be a matter
of mere moments
before someone else decides
that they don’t want you around.
And so
you let their nasty words
snuff out the last shred of hope
that you had left in your
tiny soul.

And you’re not sorry
that you kept trying
but despite everything you told yourself,
you decided to give up
because you knew
they were all right.
Because there is not enough good
to go around in this world.

It is a mess of terrible people
who only have the courage
to say mean things
because they themselves are insecure
about this
that
and the other thing.
And we all know that life
only gets worse.
So what’s the point anymore?
Why not just give up?

Let the people who said that
I was stupid
and pathetic
and annoying
and broken
win.
Because even though I kept telling myself
they were wrong,
they were right.
And I’ll ever be good enough
to win this fight.

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