When Little Boys Fall in Love

When Little Boys Fall in Love A Meditation on Growing Up ## I. [Age 6] — First Light You gather caps like secret gold, Arrange them neat, their stories told. I trade my best for one you scorned— The day I learned that love's not warned. ## II. [Age 7] — The Promise We build a fort, our cardboard throne, Crowned kings of dirt, a realm our own. You spit-shake on a bond we swore: "Forever friends, forevermore." ## III. [Age 8] — First Mercy Your mother calls, we rush inside, You slip me treats, no need to hide. I fall and scrape, you blow the pain— A gentle touch, my first refrain. ## IV. [Age 9] — The Communion We share one apple, bite by bite, Perched on the wall in fading light. You show your tooth, loose and small, I think you're brave; I think you're tall. ## V. [Age 10] — The Fracture A whispered secret, heavy, grave: "My dad drinks much; he's not so brave." Your eyes go wide, your hand then prays, Soft as a breath, in quiet ways. ## VI. [Age 11] — The Watching "Two knocks danger, three means safe," Our code for when the world feels chafed. But when they corner us at school, You vanish swift; I stand the duel. ## VII. [Age 12] — The Sacrifice At nine PM I meet you there, Words sharp as glass, sliced thin in air: "They made me choose," you barely say, "I can't be friends." Your voice gives way. ## VIII. [Age 12] — The Haunting They leave on Friday, quiet returns, I walk your street as memory burns. Rehearse the words I'll never speak— Truth I lost, now cold and bleak. Your mother waves once, soft and shy— I run away, no tears to dry. ## Coda — The Reckoning Twenty years and still I wake, To phantom knocks, a heart that breaks. Two meant danger, three meant safe— I never learned what four's embrace. The boy who loved you lives in amber, The man who trapped him can't remember— How to knock four times and wait, How mercy feels before it's late.