When

When I walk, I hide that my balance is off. That I lean to one side. That I can hardly keep my form above my knees. When I talk, I think for hours about what I will say. Unable to talk like I want to. Go through my whole day before I ever experienced a single thing. When I think, October dew clouds my mind. My prison sentence grows longer. Things I should be able to do. I no longer can. When I see. A fuzzy tv screen is what I see through. My heart beat is seen in the scenery. Every bird flying by. Feels the pulse of my being. When I hear, My mind pauses everything else. For my time is slowed beyond the world. But the world moves forward. While my ears are left in suspense. When I feel, My body wants more than what I can, supply. No matter how much I put forward, My emotions always hide. When I touch, The numbness in my mind grows. I feel faint traces of what is before me. My hands are frozen, in stasis. My nails raw from the harsh storm. When I learn, I memorize and remember everything, But when the time comes to use it, My mind falters, blanking, losing interest. Im not who I used to be. When I grow, I hold close to who I am, Find my inner being and ignite that fire. But soon the flames are smothered out, By forces that my mind is deprived of. Then I’m forced, To walk a path. To stay in line. To hide my pain. To blanket my mind. I can’t feel what I need to anymore.