What Shall I Make For Lunch - Is It a Modern Poem About Self Worth Or a Shopping List

It's still in the 4am world and I've woken up Though it's light outside (it's closer to 5 really) This part of the night feels like it belongs only to me, where my thoughts could land and be considered However no such thoughts are here at the moment I'm still pretty buzzed on how I cleaned the fridge earlier - usually it's so full I end up leaving it but the one who stocks the fridge is away for the weekend I like having little sections for similar items in the fridge but it gets jam packed and randomised and I just stop caring I'm the only vegetarian and I'm rubbish at looking after myself in a consistent manner BUT - I'm not actually without hope So, I am imagining the shopping I'll do and how I'll arrange the fridge (big dreams) My girls like my cooking, I just ended up sidelined somehow I could do with not eating the foods that clearly make me feel rubbish too (I'm talking to bread here) Tofu and noodles are a big hit, vegetarian lasagnes had their day but it might be too warm, ahh burritos! That's definitely on the list - we set up our own little cafe and the girls take my order and we have it all laid out like a burrito bar and somehow manage 3 burittos each I used to love serving fruit salads in rainbow designs (why did I stop?) I'm not sure if I got lazy or his need for order meant he kept doing everything before me and I just decided that was fine and stepped back Ahh I'm going to do a Greek platter! More of the nonsense I like - I own a slate to serve it on (of course, I have all types of serving dishes because I love floating off into dreams) I have all the tea set stuff too - maybe I'll try gluten free bread and have afternoon tea one day I'm not actually rubbish at anything (baking maybe - I refuse to follow instructions) This isn't a poem - I'm a chancer really presuming a shopping, fridge stacking, food serving thought list is sharable The inner workings of the mind where if I achieve something like cooking a meal for my children that impresses them I've somehow clawed back a bit of myself Usually I breeze in with something fanciful which interrupts his meal plans and the dates of food which has to be eaten and I feel like I'm showing off Perhaps I do show off We had 5 separate packets of tomatoes in the fridge when I cleaned it, all in different locations - surely that's no way to live Maybe I'm the ordered one after all I don't do things to a schedule but I do understand, comprehend... There's another list but if I get involved I'll have not slept and my plans will just be dreams whilst my dreams are plans