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What Lies Beneath

Buried here is the weather man J. P. Blithing Forgot his brolly and got struck by lightning In this vault is the flat coffin of J.J. Stowler Fell into the path of a runaway steam roller In this grave lies the ashes of Jim Fortescue Got drunk and passed out on a barbecue Buried below in two halves is Arthur. P. Law Slipped in his workshop onto a circular saw Interred a hundred feet below in a lead lined coffin Are the glowing remains of an accident prone boffin Lying in this vault is the body of a tiger Inside its body is the hunter J. Stiger Buried below in a jar are the pickled remains of P. Stringer Who stumbled and drowned into a large vat of malt vinegar Written 23 September 2021

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Valsa George

Date: 12/2/2021 3:11:00 AM

Ha.... ha.... Tom, now I realize that even death and grave can make us laugh. So sad is the death of the hunter entombed in the guts of his predator. Of all I grieve for Arthur.P. Law who slipped on to the circular saw and got cut into halves!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/2/2021 3:15:00 AM

Thank you very much Valsa, it will happen to us all but I won't be laughing when it's my turn lol Tom

Anil Deo

Date: 11/14/2021 2:39:00 AM

great lines, but i may have i enjoyed J. Stiger's fate without being my FAITHful self. Art P. Law must have been a lawyer, not sawyer, in his previous incarnation. perhaps these are real names after all ... shalom shalom Sir.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/14/2021 10:43:00 AM

Thank you very much Anil, I'm happy you enjoyed the humour. Tom

Susan Ashley

Date: 10/10/2021 9:48:00 AM

Lol! Dear Tom, your witty and clever pen never lets me down! This collection of epitaphs are creative, ingenious and humorous. Thank you for the smiles and giggles, my friend. You have added extra joy to my Sunday! Hope you are having a wonderful Sunday too! Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Susan Ashley
Date: 10/10/2021 10:25:00 AM

Sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well, Tom. Thank God your covid test was negative :) May your recovery be extra speedy!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/10/2021 10:03:00 AM

Thank you very much Susan, glad you enjoyed them. Just getting over a sore throat and cough but over the worst now, did a covid test and thankfully it was negative. Hope you too are enjoying your weekend. Tom

Lisa Ricci

Date: 10/8/2021 6:57:00 AM

Good Morning Tom - You give the reader time to pause and reflect and digest. I found this well thought out. Best wishes always. May this day find you well.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/8/2021 1:41:00 PM

Thank you very much Lisa, im pleased you enjoyed them. Im well and hope you are too. Have a great weekend. Tom

Janice Canerdy

Date: 10/5/2021 2:44:00 PM

Such a wide variety of ways to bite the dust, Tom. LOL! Fantastic job. Janice

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/5/2021 2:55:00 PM

Thank you very much Janice, im pleased that you enjoyed them. Tom

Aurore Severo

Date: 10/4/2021 10:45:00 PM

Thank you for cheering me up! xoxo

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/4/2021 11:55:00 PM

Thank you very much Aurore I'm happy that you enjoyed the humour. Tom

Line Gauthier

Date: 10/4/2021 8:50:00 PM

My favorite is "Buried below in two halves is Arthur. P. Law / Slipped in his workshop onto a circular saw". You're a regular comedian, Tom ~

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/4/2021 11:54:00 PM

Thank you Line, im pleased that you enjoyed them. Tom

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 10/2/2021 5:15:00 PM

by the way, I forgot to tell you. My daughter has a very serious poem of this same title. Quite different from your amazing humor shown here.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/3/2021 12:08:00 PM

Thanks Andrea, is she on here? Tom

Paula Goldsmith

Date: 10/1/2021 11:11:00 AM

A fun/creative write. Love It. Thanks for the laughs. I needed them. Have a blessed day/weekend..............

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/1/2021 2:02:00 PM

Thank you very much Paula, hope you too have a lovely weekend. I'm busy doing up kitchen at the moment but getting there. Tom

Paul Callus

Date: 9/29/2021 9:36:00 AM

I love your wit and humour, Tom; thank you for bringing on a mixture of smiles, grins and laughter :) I am sure if you dig deeper more Epitaphs will come to light! ~ Best regards // paul

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/1/2021 2:01:00 PM

Thank you very much Paul, glad you enjoyed them, hope alls well. Tom

Emilia James

Date: 9/28/2021 12:38:00 PM

lol. love these Tom, very clever. Enjoyed each one but the tiger one wins it for me I liked the added bonus of karma in that one. Emilia : )

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/28/2021 12:42:00 PM

Thank you very much Emilia, im happy that you enjoyed the humour, hope your week is going well. Tom

Harry Horsman

Date: 9/27/2021 7:28:00 AM

Love them all Tom. Excellent poetry.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/27/2021 7:31:00 AM

Thank you very much Harry, glad you enjoyed the humour. Tom

Jack Horne

Date: 9/27/2021 5:39:00 AM

LOL, I guess I could die laughing at these! Fun write here, my friend

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/27/2021 6:54:00 AM

Thank you very much Jack I'm happy that you enjoyed them. Tom

Joanna Daniel

Date: 9/27/2021 2:57:00 AM

Fun epitaphs you have created, Tom, I loved the tiger one the most:)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/27/2021 3:01:00 AM

Thank you very much Jo, glad you enjoyed them, we all have to go at some point so might as well try and inject a bit of humour into it. Enjoy your day. Tom

David Kavanagh

Date: 9/27/2021 2:26:00 AM

A lot of work went into this comedy epitaph Tom, but sometimes in reality peoples names do actually write their epitaphs, a cruel irony perhaps, so glad I'm not Arthur P Law, sounds painful lol, the Two Ronnies would have loved this one, cheers David

David Kavanagh
Date: 9/27/2021 6:06:00 AM

No fork handles Tom, your getting mixed up lol,

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/27/2021 2:30:00 AM

Thanks David. That brought back memories, the two Ronnie's were in a class of their own. Remember the four candles lol. Tom

Beryl Edmonds

Date: 9/26/2021 5:58:00 PM

What fun are these Epitaphs Tom…… Beneath this paupers grave lies Mr A. Miser - Who left his wealth to his finance adviser.….. Belle

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/27/2021 2:35:00 AM

Lol, love your comment Belle, Lies below are the smelly remains of farmer McMurray Fell in and drowned in a tank of fresh slurry. Tom

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 9/26/2021 10:50:00 AM

these ar FANTASTIC. A fave!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/26/2021 12:02:00 PM

Thank you very much Andrea, and for the fave, glad you enjoyed them. Tom

Suzanne Delaney

Date: 9/26/2021 4:38:00 AM

Very entertaining, Tom: They all made me chuckle. I have missed reading your poems. Best, SuZ

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/26/2021 6:17:00 AM

Thank you very much Suz, lovely to see you, I hope you are keeping well. Tom

Brian Strand

Date: 9/26/2021 12:38:00 AM

Humour is one of your poetical fortes Tom

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/26/2021 12:42:00 AM

Thank you very much Brian, I think I missed my calling. Tom

Gershon Wolf

Date: 9/25/2021 8:16:00 PM

Makes me wonder if you do them in advance, Tom... What would mine be? ... ~ Feeling Old

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/25/2021 10:24:00 PM

Lol, thanks Gershon, Lies below a fine fellow who thought it was funny/To kick the bucket and owed the taxman money. Tom

Jennifer Proxenos

Date: 9/25/2021 9:49:00 AM

Some gruesome deaths as can be seen from the epitaphs, but well penned my friend, we can laugh about them, but whoever had the, engraved initially did show their own humor also, Blessings, JENNIFER.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/25/2021 11:39:00 AM

Thank you Jennifer, just an idea that came to me the other day, Wonder what my kids will put on mine lol. Tom

Gary Radice

Date: 9/25/2021 7:04:00 AM

Not since the words on Spike Milligan's gravestone "I told you I was ill" has the subject of death left a wide smile on my face. Great work Tom! Cheers - Gary

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/25/2021 8:10:00 AM

Thank you very much Gary. We've all got to go sometime so might as well laugh about it, That is classic what Spike put on. Tom

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 9/25/2021 6:40:00 AM

Only you could make death such a humorous event. Here in a hole lies Donald’s Remains. He thought it was a lighter and blew out his brains.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/25/2021 8:07:00 AM

Lol at your comment Richard, Hope you're well. Tom

Alexis Y.

Date: 9/25/2021 2:05:00 AM

Hi Tom, You have penned a string of funny scenarios of how a person could go! I enjoyed the read. Have a great weekend :-) Alexis

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/25/2021 4:03:00 AM

Thank you very much Alexis, glad you enjoyed them. Tom

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 9/24/2021 5:56:00 PM

Hello Tom ... many unlucky characters to give mourners a giggle visiting a cemetery - thanks Tom - Lindsay

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/24/2021 10:52:00 PM

Thank you Lindsay, we can't have enough humour in the world, it will get us through anything. Enjoy your weekend. Tom