What In the Name of _Ell, Is Goin' On???

I must be mad, delusional, bezerk, And acting like the biggest jerk... I awoke, Bela Lagosi by my side, He was snoring, I was petrified! Got up to escape, To my closet to shape, A means to leave beneath his cape, My heart in mouth agape, I rushed to the door, fearing vampire teeth rape... I found Frankenstein's Monster, was the Doorman, You couldn't scare me much more, man!! Exited fast, hailed a cab, And who's but driving? The mummy, dressed so drab.... Jumped out to take the El, And wouldn't you know it, Oh what the hell, Wolfman Jack at the switch, I can't get away!! Son of a Bi_ch!! Started to run in the park, Calling out for someone to hark, I'd had enough, might never make it... Then espied my miseralbe wife, Who made my existence a tortured life, Ran back to Monster-Land, Fast as I can, If I'm gona die, I need a reason why, I'd rather die with a monster in a ditch. Then by torture by that b_tch!