Weekend Syndrome

Weekends are supposed to be for relaxing,having fun and catching up on tasks from the week before. Some people do the aforementioned things but for me, weekends means suffering and anxiety. The second I step off that school bus and look at my house, along see is empty space and sadness. Of course there are many things to do but my body and mind go out of sync and shut down. Because no matter how hard I try, I always feel like I'm not good enough. My siblings get the attention, I get made fun of, but it's just a joke right? It's always just a joke, but with every "I'm just kidding" I see a truth. With every "I'm sorry" or "I love you" I see lies. Isn't it so funny that I can look at someone who hurt me and forgive them countless times because I'm used to it? I think it's absolutely hilarious because while everyone is laughing and having fun around me, I feel empty and stuck like every room is too loud yet too quiet, too big, yet too small. I thought I was alone in this but a friend recently gave this feeling a name and I love it. Now that I'm older and just deal with it, I diagnose myself with a sickness I suffer from called "weekend syndrome". It's not always there but from friday night to monday morning I feel it, deep in my bones. Holidays are the worst because the syndrome is mentally jarring. Nobody has noticed anything weird since I was 11 so I just keep going. Weekend Syndrome is not for everyone but it's definitely what I live with.