Wasted Love

We’ve been through the same cycle for what seems a million times; I love you, I hate you, then for just a second, you’re off my mind. I find a distraction, pursue someone new, but it takes no time at all before I compare them to you. They don’t look at me the same when they’re angry or annoyed, they don’t make me face the things I try so hard to avoid. I'm convinced I will never feel as safe in someone's arms, yet so conflicted cause you do less good than harm. I may never find someone who makes me feel so alive, but the next one will value me, not push me to the side. I won’t have to put up a wall when I’m with them, like how I did when you said to me “you’re playing the victim.” To me the words “I love you” will never hold much meaning because we said it and we meant it, but I still took emotional beating. One day I’m your favorite and everything you are, the next day I don’t hear from you because you’re at the bar. I may never meet someone who’s quite as much fun, but I hope that they don’t have me begging to be done. You spent a whole year perfecting your practice, you knew what hurt me the most- and that was your favorite tactic. You saw me at my worst, but never at my best, because the whole time I was with you I was fighting to exist. You belittled and ridiculed me until my self esteem was gone free, then you pulled me in close and said “what would you ever do without me?” I hope my next person can admit to not always being right, because it is exhausting battling with someone who will insist that day is night. You made me feel feelings I didn’t know existed, then you got in my face and told me that I’m crazy and twisted. One small mistake and I’d get the silent treatment, but you said “it was only a mistake” when you cheated. I hope whoever is next has the same type of charm, but not the same ego, for that’s what causes harm. I hope I find someone who supports my hopes and dreams and doesn’t say they’re stupid and that I don’t know what life means. I have so much love to give and I hate that I wasted it on you, but even more than that, I hate that I still do. I said I would adore you through it all, every terrible thing you’ve ever done. You took that as an opportunity to test my limits and I hope you’re happy because you won. You broke my heart and left me devastated, and now it's up to me to try and fix the mess that you created.