Waiting Again

After getting an urgent phone call jumping in my car and rushing to pick my son up and get him to the ER, I am waiting again He is hurting badly, and my mama’s heart is breaking for him, yet, I am waiting again After many tests and very compassionate treatment and a psych eval, I am waiting again Waiting for the hospital to release him to go home, he is physically feeling better, yet, I am waiting again Waiting for something that I can’t force, although, I have tried before, it doesn’t work and here I am waiting again A kind hospital employee pulled me aside and compassionately told me that this is not my choice, it is only his, and I am waiting again Waiting for him to be ready to change his life for the better and leave the alcohol and drugs behind but I AM waiting again Waiting for what could be a tragic phone call or home visit telling me that it is too late, I am left Waiting again I know in my heart and mind that only he can make this choice and while I understand this, I am waiting again Living my life knowing that a part of me is in such dire circumstances and danger, leaves me Waiting again This is not what I was hoping for my child’s future and it brings me so much pain to be Waiting again Waiting and praying and just being here when he needs me, each time being crushed when I am left waiting again