Violation and Hypocrisy

I still see it when I close my eyes, hands stoking up and down my naked thighs, I can’t shake the lingering memory of the night that someone violated me. No shower seems able to make me clean, I find myself often being cross and mean, even when I fantasize in my mind, it inevitably mutates into that time… It started out as a party, tap a keg, drinks with friends gave me two shaky legs, so I retreated back to a side bedroom, passed out quickly amidst darkened gloom. Next thing I remembered was feeling good, then a pressing weight, as if someone stood upon my hips, something warm and strong, my drunken mind knew something was wrong. Struggle forced open my bleary eyes, saw a strange woman having herself a ride, to drunk to even find my words to speak, at least not before she brought me to release… All that I managed was a gurgling sound, she had her fill, then did dismount, I tried vainly then to call her deed out, but the liquor soon dragged me back down. The next day, hungover, I did tell a friend, he said,”At least one of us got lucky, man!” When I complained he just looker rather vexed, “Man, don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy the sex!” Fighting the urge to knock out his teeth, I sobered up and went down to the police, they rolled their eyes as I told the tail, said reporting the crime was to no avail. Said,”If you can’t ID her, what can we do? And I don’t think the D.A. will take on you. He’s all about taking up women’s cause, might say that you have no cause under law.” I said,”So if I had come in here a girl, this guy would not stop, he’d move the world, but since it’s a man here reporting this, I should not expect to get any justice?” Desperate, I turned, to an old college friend, a social working, she would understand. Instead she scoffed, and shook her head, said,”It’s not rape when she takes you to bed.” It didn’t matter that I gave no consent, “There’s just some things women can’t do to men.” She did not care for my anguish or hurt, said,”I’m sorry, but that’s not the way it works.” You could say that all this left me disturbed, can’t thank about sex without feeling anger, all of those dark days, they taught me to hate a world that cares not when a man gets raped.