Useful

I want to feel useful Be someone to rely on I want Someone I can take pictures of and who will take pictures of me Someone who I can go to the cinema with Someone to talk to when I feel down Knowing I can trust them Who will speak to me when I feel sick Someone I won't push away and who won't push me away Someone to be alone with at night Because I like being alone But I don't want to be lonely Lying idle at night, with someone with whom I could show affection A connection I’ve had and lost So many times in the past One minute they love you and make you feel special And then the next moment they treat you like trash Sometimes they hurt you and put the guilt on you Expect you to put all the effort, devour and forget Then they claim that we know nothing about human relationships Yet it's them that can't treat you like a human being Though they’re all gone It doesn’t matter as much They are no longer part of me and I’m not part of them Yet I still think of them and all that has happened And I wish I could ask them why they walked out Sometimes I see them, busy with life I wonder if I ever cross their mind It should not matter, but it always does And those here and now don’t give you the same feelings It makes me sad to think that they may not think of me When everyone I’ve wronged I think about quite often But the ones who’ve wronged me seem to forget And I’ll never know if they’ve ever regretted it Some days I don’t even exchange a sentence But many have friends for the entirety of their lives I wish I felt good being alone Society makes you guilty for separating We are always alone within ourselves We’re born alone and we suffer alone And we die alone no matter who’s by our side And yet it’s still frowned upon to be alone Maybe it’s better Maybe it’s more useful But I want undivided love I want love that asks not for much I want love that means something more Than all the people who felt I wasn’t enough I nevermore feel anyone’s proximity Always separated by a glass wall Sometimes the world feels so opportune And other times it feels like an empty wasteland I have no plans now I have no expectations Too many have expected so much of me It’s sad but it’s so true It’s funny because it’s true It’s harder when people see the good in you But you never get appreciation from those you love and care about Maybe it's only my fault that I try and reach out to people When I really shouldn't I want to feel useful I want to feel useful But everyone makes me feel so useless