I want to feel useful
Be someone to rely on 
I want
Someone I can take pictures of and who will take pictures of me
Someone who I can go to the cinema with
Someone to talk to when I feel down
Knowing I can trust them
Who will speak to me when I feel sick
Someone I won't push away and who won't push me away
Someone to be alone with at night
Because I like being alone
But I don't want to be lonely
Lying idle at night, with someone with whom I could show affection

A connection I’ve had and lost 
So many times in the past
One minute they love you and make you feel special
And then the next moment they treat you like trash

Sometimes they hurt you and put the guilt on you
 Expect you to put all the effort, devour and forget
 Then they claim that we know nothing about human relationships
 Yet it's them that can't treat you like a human being

Though they’re all gone
It doesn’t matter as much
They are no longer part of me and I’m not part of them
Yet I still think of them and all that has happened
And I wish I could ask them why they walked out
Sometimes I see them, busy with life
I wonder if I ever cross their mind
It should not matter, but it always does
And those here and now don’t give you the same feelings
It makes me sad to think that they may not think of me
When everyone I’ve wronged I think about quite often
But the ones who’ve wronged me seem to forget
And I’ll never know if they’ve ever regretted it

Some days I don’t even exchange a sentence
But many have friends for the entirety of their lives
I wish I felt good being alone
Society makes you guilty for separating 
We are always alone within ourselves
We’re born alone and we suffer alone
And we die alone no matter who’s by our side
And yet it’s still frowned upon to be alone
Maybe it’s better
Maybe it’s more useful
But I want undivided love
I want love that asks not for much
I want love that means something more
Than all the people who felt I wasn’t enough
I nevermore feel anyone’s proximity
Always separated by a glass wall
Sometimes the world feels so opportune 
And other times it feels like an empty wasteland
I have no plans now
I have no expectations
Too many have expected so much of me
It’s sad but it’s so true
It’s funny because it’s true
It’s harder when people see the good in you 
But you never get appreciation from those you love and care about
Maybe it's only my fault that I try and reach out to people 
When I really shouldn't
I want to feel useful
I want to feel useful
But everyone makes me feel so useless

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

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Date: 1/9/2017 11:17:00 PM
JAMES theres a person out there for anyone. So many times one must carry around alot of heartache. Until Eureka the right woman for you can be there. Sometimes we never notice the person in front of us. People are so caught.up with finding.their right soulmate. They think its in a love affair. But it could be in a strong friendship. I really liked this poem. It spoke to my heart. Many of us wear our hearts on our sleeves.
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Date: 1/9/2017 11:16:00 PM
Nice work, James! I believe the best way to connect with humans is to first discover yourself in nature...touch the the dragonfly...listen to birds talk...then share this real gift of life with others...jim
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