Used To

She’d say you used to pen little notes to me used to text me all the time used to make a nice dinner on some nights and talk to me for awhile. you used to tune into me when I talked used to smile at me always used to throw me anywhere and show me why I mattered I should have told her why but by then retreat was complete I used to drift where I would imagine the thoughts I wanted to say wanted to share wanted to feel where I would talk about forgiveness letting go moving past perceived wrongs and dead pauses and bad timing and change and vagrant looks and wrong choices but then no matter it was decided always before I ever decided to stop the bleeding I should have said that she never listened never gave ground to get beyond her ugliness her jealousies her insecurities her pettiness her retribution for a thousand paper cuts She said I inflicted I should have regrouped come at it a different way no matter she always decided We should have quit way back when the liquid band aids started this theatre run doomed almost from the start all those lights actors called in scabs really to play parts which were hastily sketched around fragile love not fleshed out barely rehearsed it’s no wonder I used to and I should have (click the pic for a preview of my upcoming book!)