Untying the Knot In My Stomach Will Take Much More Than Guts

I’m looking for the world, But the world isn't looking for me. I thought I had the answers, sitting by a tree. Like Newton did when the apple came suddenly. Everything to me is just a big meloncholy. I wish I could make myself feel something else. But instead I just feel like ice that will melt. Nothing in my life makes any sense what so ever. I go about life as if I were actually clever. Nobody cares to listen, whatever. My words are pointless, and you never cared for better. I have created a trap in my conscious, stitched like leather. It's permanent and I feel like I can't change my stormy weather. I have learned to deal with the reality that was given. But I refuse to let go of my story, how unfitting. I am not surprised that I am failing so miserably. I almost had it all, yes, almost in synchrony. One piece at a time, like parts of a Christmas tree. Decorating my life, ever so slowly. As I see myself in the mirror, so lonely. I put on a smile and say "forget you, Jeromy." I was given every opportunity to advance. But God didn't save me so the Devil took his chance. And won.