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Arthur Vaso - Premium Member

Notes About The Poem

I welcome all the critique possible on this poem, no matter how harsh. Its how we learn, so please feel free. The question is when did the darkness set in?

Additional Notes: I was going through some old photos and papers, and I came across this poem on a piece of paper. I had written this in elementary school, so it made me smile, even it may be a terribly written poem, it shows I had a dark soul even then.

Handwritten note from teacher

Very good work

Keep trying ok?

You'll get better & better with practice.

Apparently she lied, that was the best I had!

Untitled Poem

Fish dart through the water
Bullets rip through the air

Then along comes a shark to kill
The fish

But whats that he hears on top?
More fish?

Only to go up 
peak out of the water

And splash
Dead

Copyright © Arthur Vaso | Year Posted 2017

animalanxietyartchildhooddarkcouplet

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October 16, 2017 at 9:47 PM

Arthur, this just proves to me that you were destined to write. You always give us food for thought. She would be impressed with your creativity and intelligent writes.

October 16, 2017 at 9:59 PM

Its just proves to me I am nuts, and proves you are kind!

James Marshall Goff

October 16, 2017 at 8:08 PM

Existential metaphorical terror...nice!

October 16, 2017 at 9:58 PM

Thanks James!

Andrea Dietrich

October 16, 2017 at 4:37 PM

Good DARK one indeed, arthur. LIke being on the Shark Tank show!

October 16, 2017 at 9:58 PM

Yes indeed, but the question is? Did I win? LOL

October 16, 2017 at 2:05 PM

Your darkness shined at an early age Arthur, maybe something as simple as a twist of the cord, it's to our fortune go you...

October 16, 2017 at 9:57 PM

Thanks Charlie, I read this and realized I have been crazy for a long long time! LOL

Suzanne C. Goudreau

October 16, 2017 at 6:37 AM

Sad piece. An innocent at bait. A moving read.

October 16, 2017 at 9:57 PM

Thank you very much Suzanne!

October 16, 2017 at 1:11 AM

Dark poem, and the moral of this story don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong it will be the last thing you will smell. :) Love reading this poem Arthur Hugs Eve ~`* Your teacher didn't lie , the quote was . "You'll get better & better with practice." as you get older your life will change with trial and error and you will improve in which you came out of it a King :)

October 16, 2017 at 9:56 PM

Eve, you are so kind, thank you!

October 15, 2017 at 10:57 PM

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Thought the noise on top was more food ,it was the shark for man. Well done.

October 16, 2017 at 9:55 PM

Thank you Kelli, well said!

Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart

October 15, 2017 at 3:54 PM

Nice bait :) that and we are our own worst enemies by nature perhaps?

October 16, 2017 at 9:55 PM

That's so very true!

Darlene De Beaulieu

October 15, 2017 at 3:12 PM

Wow! That is a scary poem. Well done my friend. have a nice day my friend.

October 16, 2017 at 9:54 PM

Thank you Darlene

October 15, 2017 at 12:50 PM

Could be your finest poetic moment.

October 16, 2017 at 9:54 PM

Tim, I think you are absolutely correct! Now to find some rope.

October 15, 2017 at 12:04 PM

Hmmm it reminds me of the Godfather and someone is sleeping with the fishies. The darkness set in the minute the guns started firing... it could be to do with Korea or the recent massacre in Las Vegas... but at the end of the day there is always a bigger fish someone who is hell bent on revenge and they get it. Great pen Arthur:-) hugs jan xx

October 16, 2017 at 9:53 PM

Well the funny think is I thought all of that, which makes me the new Nostradamus! (god I hope I spelled that right)

October 15, 2017 at 10:29 AM

I interpret this Arthur as social and political; The darkness set in when fanatics or political figureheads figured out how many ways they could kill innocents needlessly... and some willingly martyred themselves for fanatical causes... unfortunately this darkness is almost as old as man-kind itself... If the question of darkness is central then I think that theme needs illumination...

October 16, 2017 at 9:52 PM

Thank you so much Susan

October 15, 2017 at 10:13 AM

There's something fishy with this poem.... must be that snarky shark!

October 16, 2017 at 9:51 PM

LOL Darren! Yes must be!!!!!

October 15, 2017 at 7:43 AM

This brings North Korea to mind, Arthur. Some people think they're unbeatable, till they come across somebody better than them! Of course, Karma also springs to mind... Best regards // paul

October 16, 2017 at 9:50 PM

AH yes Paul, then again the Nazi's thought the same, somehow the cup always seems to remain half full! Thanks!

October 15, 2017 at 7:31 AM

Arthur, metaphorically, the title could be, "Politics". Making a splash can be deadly! The sharks just got on the gun control bandwagon! The moral.....maybe...Don't challenge a 357 with a fin! Or..... Eating Out Can Be Costly! lol lol,,,My best to you, chuck

October 16, 2017 at 9:50 PM

well said! thanks

October 15, 2017 at 7:29 AM

Curiosity killed the cat in this case it killed the fish. My first thought. My second thought I think of the shootings in Las Vegas and the aftermath. The fish representing the victims of the horrific shootings. Those are my thoughts Arthur.

October 15, 2017 at 12:11 PM

Also the system is rigged against us we can't win...

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