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I welcome all the critique possible on this poem, no matter how harsh. Its how we learn, so please feel free. The question is when did the darkness set in?

Additional Notes: I was going through some old photos and papers, and I came across this poem on a piece of paper. I had written this in elementary school, so it made me smile, even it may be a terribly written poem, it shows I had a dark soul even then.

Handwritten note from teacher

Very good work

Keep trying ok?

You'll get better & better with practice.

Apparently she lied, that was the best I had!

Fish dart through the water Bullets rip through the air Then along comes a shark to kill The fish But whats that he hears on top? More fish? Only to go up peak out of the water And splash Dead

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Carol B.

Date: 10/16/2017 9:47:00 PM

Arthur, this just proves to me that you were destined to write. You always give us food for thought. She would be impressed with your creativity and intelligent writes.

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:59:00 PM

Its just proves to me I am nuts, and proves you are kind!

James Marshall Goff

Date: 10/16/2017 8:08:00 PM

Existential metaphorical terror...nice!

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:58:00 PM

Thanks James!

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 10/16/2017 4:37:00 PM

Good DARK one indeed, arthur. LIke being on the Shark Tank show!

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:58:00 PM

Yes indeed, but the question is? Did I win? LOL

Charlie Smith

Date: 10/16/2017 2:05:00 PM

Your darkness shined at an early age Arthur, maybe something as simple as a twist of the cord, it's to our fortune go you...

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:57:00 PM

Thanks Charlie, I read this and realized I have been crazy for a long long time! LOL

Suzanne C. Goudreau

Date: 10/16/2017 6:37:00 AM

Sad piece. An innocent at bait. A moving read.

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:57:00 PM

Thank you very much Suzanne!

Eve Roper

Date: 10/16/2017 1:11:00 AM

Dark poem, and the moral of this story don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong it will be the last thing you will smell. :) Love reading this poem Arthur Hugs Eve ~`* Your teacher didn't lie , the quote was . "You'll get better & better with practice." as you get older your life will change with trial and error and you will improve in which you came out of it a King :)

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:56:00 PM

Eve, you are so kind, thank you!

Kelli White

Date: 10/15/2017 10:57:00 PM

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Thought the noise on top was more food ,it was the shark for man. Well done.

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:55:00 PM

Thank you Kelli, well said!

Maureen Mcgreavy

Date: 10/15/2017 3:54:00 PM

Nice bait :) that and we are our own worst enemies by nature perhaps?

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:55:00 PM

That's so very true!

Darlene De Beaulieu

Date: 10/15/2017 3:12:00 PM

Wow! That is a scary poem. Well done my friend. have a nice day my friend.

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:54:00 PM

Thank you Darlene

Tim Smith

Date: 10/15/2017 12:50:00 PM

Could be your finest poetic moment.

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:54:00 PM

Tim, I think you are absolutely correct! Now to find some rope.

Jan Allison

Date: 10/15/2017 12:04:00 PM

Hmmm it reminds me of the Godfather and someone is sleeping with the fishies. The darkness set in the minute the guns started firing... it could be to do with Korea or the recent massacre in Las Vegas... but at the end of the day there is always a bigger fish someone who is hell bent on revenge and they get it. Great pen Arthur:-) hugs jan xx

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:53:00 PM

Well the funny think is I thought all of that, which makes me the new Nostradamus! (god I hope I spelled that right)

Susan Ashley

Date: 10/15/2017 10:29:00 AM

I interpret this Arthur as social and political; The darkness set in when fanatics or political figureheads figured out how many ways they could kill innocents needlessly... and some willingly martyred themselves for fanatical causes... unfortunately this darkness is almost as old as man-kind itself... If the question of darkness is central then I think that theme needs illumination...

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:52:00 PM

Thank you so much Susan

Darren White

Date: 10/15/2017 10:13:00 AM

There's something fishy with this poem.... must be that snarky shark!

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:51:00 PM

LOL Darren! Yes must be!!!!!

Paul Callus

Date: 10/15/2017 7:43:00 AM

This brings North Korea to mind, Arthur. Some people think they're unbeatable, till they come across somebody better than them! Of course, Karma also springs to mind... Best regards // paul

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:50:00 PM

AH yes Paul, then again the Nazi's thought the same, somehow the cup always seems to remain half full! Thanks!

Chuck Melugin

Date: 10/15/2017 7:31:00 AM

Arthur, metaphorically, the title could be, "Politics". Making a splash can be deadly! The sharks just got on the gun control bandwagon! The moral.....maybe...Don't challenge a 357 with a fin! Or..... Eating Out Can Be Costly! lol lol,,,My best to you, chuck

Arthur Vaso
Date: 10/16/2017 9:50:00 PM

well said! thanks

Michael Tor

Date: 10/15/2017 7:29:00 AM

Curiosity killed the cat in this case it killed the fish. My first thought. My second thought I think of the shootings in Las Vegas and the aftermath. The fish representing the victims of the horrific shootings. Those are my thoughts Arthur.

Michael Tor
Date: 10/15/2017 12:11:00 PM

Also the system is rigged against us we can't win...