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Unforgiven

Themes are overlapping The current keeps criss crossing Dreaming and digressing depressing and unkind Mish mash meandering in a labyrinth of minds Wonder lost.....fingers crossed.... Misdiagnosed and so stupidly maintained Disjointed mistake..... Contorted remorse No kingdom no horse Replaying the scene Rehearsing the song ... unmended Keep doing wrong How do I check my tongue? Why does it always come out wrong? Ill get forgiven - of course And then I transcend it - much worse Imprinted my thinking - not right I keep on repeating .... my plight Until I get along, its best I walk alone How to undo this old refrain Your spirit I fractured - time and again

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Patricia Cresswell

Date: 8/26/2017 7:53:00 AM

The gist of this poem as I feel it is this; you chose to ostracize to prevent any more hurt to someone who always forgives you. Brave choice. There is much confusion surrounding your behaviour in life and a genuine desire to bring about change. A labyrinthine poem requiring more reads. Good write! It has pulled at my heart to be alone is a big big choice.

Jannie Breedt
Date: 9/18/2017 10:55:00 PM

Very perceptive of you Patricia. You found me out. Something had to give, something had to change. The same pattern of disaster bacame unacceptable. Its only I that could change

Lisa Ricci

Date: 3/28/2017 6:56:00 AM

Good Morning Jannie. Only the mighty Free Verse format could pull this off and you did. The theme and your words are most expressive and powerful. You allow the reader to pause and look within. The ending stanza truly tells the entire tale. Wonderful work also on the line of "Until I get along, its best I walk alone" What expression and thought there. Well done in its entirety.

Jannie Breedt
Date: 3/28/2017 12:00:00 PM

Tipifies sorry

Jannie Breedt
Date: 3/28/2017 11:58:00 AM

Lisa Thank you so much for your input. For years I thought I was jinxed and this write ripifies my frustration. I was right off course and now I am fixing my head and things are looking peachy at last. I will visit you too.

CayCay Jennings

Date: 1/14/2017 2:45:00 PM

I read all the comments and agree with every one of the compliments, but, (maybe cause you're my friend) I wonder who or what you are specifically talking about. Who's spirit is fractured? Your own? Last stanza, off course or of course? For me, this would be me talking to myself, but heart rather than tongue. To me, transcending something is the most awesome outcome possible. Very provoking, interesting and engaging writing. You are rocking it ... CayCay

Jannie Breedt
Date: 1/14/2017 4:30:00 PM

I value your input especially. I am making the corrections now. The last stanza is in reference to my lover.thanks my lady Cay Cay.

J.W. Earnings

Date: 1/11/2017 11:51:00 PM

Really deep and awesome poem with such vast imagery and tragic. -JWE

Chris Hagy

Date: 1/11/2017 11:35:00 AM

Uniquely sad song you have penned here...I like the rhythm you created. I personally am thankful to be forgiven, and couldn't imagine life with no horse!:)

Freddie Robinson Jr.

Date: 1/10/2017 4:53:00 AM

This is brilliant poetry, Jannie. The existentialism breathes ... this poem bespeaks of true life rhythm, often a missed step here and there, but gracefully gliding w/o a care. Wonderful prose, very thought provoking. You just got a new fan, a true admirer of your talented, poetic art. I'm hooked. Piercing introspection and self-analysis. It's dynamic, a free thinker's kind of poetry. Will be reading more of your work for sure. May the light of love guide you on the path to peace always.

Jannie Breedt
Date: 1/10/2017 8:25:00 AM

For your reply on my inbox , the comments here and Ghost of Cain fills me gratitude. I beat you , because I first became your follower ha ha.yes in this poem I wrestle with my twin, he always wins

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 1/9/2017 3:38:00 PM

the tone is frustrated. Which goes along with the theme. how one feels to be unforgiven!